Why is Deliberately Adding Calories So Hard to Do?

What the heck is wrong with me? Hello! I’ve been a compulsive eater for over 30 years for goodness sake, why am I having so much trouble with eating extra food treats to make up for all the calories I didn’t eat while I was sick for a week? I have a free pass, that even my therapist approved, to have some guilt-free treats and yet I still can’t seem to eat them without working it into my calorie day.

Both yesterday and today I bought a really special decadent treat for myself and instead of adding it on to my calorie count to help put the weight lost from the virus back on, I’m working the calories into my day because my appetite is still not back and I’m trying so hard to stay in tune with my body and only eat when I’m hungry. It would be easy to just eat for eating’s sake as I have done SO often in the past without a moment’s hesitation, but I’m really trying to do the right thing in listening to my body.

Clearly I must still have a touch of the stomach virus still in me because even though I went to the gym yesterday and today, I’m still not as hungry as I usually am. Still…

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty A-type. I follow the rules. I have been so programmed to stick to a certain amount of calories. However, I have finally, gradually embraced that some exceptions for special occasions or special foods can be made once in a while as I have finally realized that 20 pounds are not going to magically jump on my body if I go over my calorie count by a few hundred calories once or twice a month on some food that was really worth it. I have allowed myself to let go of my drill sargent mindset of – eat only those calories, and no more, for if I do, I should and will beat myself up about it.

I’m not afraid I will be breaking my abstinence or that eating these treats will lead me to binge. I feel confident in my recovery at this point that a binge won’t ensue.

So what is my damn problem?

Am I, gasp!, making progress?!?!?!?


One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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Comments

2 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Jess
    07 February 2010, 3:16 pm

    Normal eating, from what I’ve seen and been told, isn’t steady daily. Don’t fret so much about the calories to make up. If you were in bed, your basal metabolic rate is much smaller than your normal daily intake. Trust that your body is going to alert you to what you need and you’ll be able to sort the binge cravings from the reasonable nutritional needs.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, jess, i have slowly been learning that. i tend to write these blogs as soon as they happen. it took about a week or so of fretting over this to realize that my body will adjust and i didn’t have to panic about making up the calories.

    [Reply]

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