Wednesday Words

I’ve been feeling a little bit different lately. Can’t put my finger on it. Could be a “womanly” issue. Or not.

I’ve been reading a great book called “Eating in the Light of the Moon” by Anita Johnston that Christie at Honor My Health wrote a bit about on her blog. She went to a great presentation by the author and was kind enough to share her experiences on her blog.

I think this book, along with others I’ve been reading and sharing with you, have been affecting me. In a positive way. The book explains how and why woman become eating disordered, starting at a young age, through stories and metaphor. It explains the feminine and masculine, the yin and the yang, and how it relates to compulsive overeating. I really see myself in so much of what this book says and explains.

The scary part is that, a lot of what the author writes, is exactly what my therapist has told me.

The more I read about eating disorders and how to climb out of it, the better I feel. I think really looking at my past is giving me an awareness I never had before. I think I’m coming to grips with it. The pieces of the puzzle that form to make me, feel like they are coming together. We all have our days when we feel like things are working well for us, and days when things aren’t going so well. I guess I’m in one of those good grooves at the moment. So with that being said….

I had the craziest thought pop into my head yesterday afternoon. Are you ready?

I thought – maybe I’m ready to stop weighing and measuring food. OMG, did I really just write that??!!?!

And perhaps, I’m ready to stop counting calories. ULP!!!

Maybe, just maybe, I’m ready to stop counting calories and just listen to my body and eat intuitively. Double ULP!!!

Are these crazy thoughts coming into my head because I’m ovulating? Or am I growing and progressing?

Am I really ready to take this leap of faith and roll the dice?

Only time will tell.

One big monkey wrench to throw in… not to give TMI, but I just found out my estrogen levels are, although in the normal range, on the very low end. So my doctor recommended, and I just started taking late last week, estrogen pills. I’ve heard they may cause weight gain. I’ve been on bc pills for years in the past and I was lucky enough that it never affected my weight. But I’ve come to find out that the amount in just an estrogen pill is much higher than the amount in the bc pills I was taking.

I could definitely deal with a couple of pounds, but not 8-10. I’ve worked way too hard to get down to this weight and lord knows what it could do to me mentally to put on that kind of weight as I am in recovery.

I’m also only getting on the scale once a month (I’m in month 3 now). So I would totally have to go by my clothes to know the deal with my weight.

Then again, I could be one of those people who is not affected by the additional estrogen at all. Glass half full, anyone?

So now what do I do?

Please, any and all advice is appreciated!!!!

On a totally different subject, a shout out to Hollly and her Oikos greek yogurt giveaway!

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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Comments

28 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Tina
    24 March 2010, 6:16 pm

    I understand the discomfort with possibly gaining weight for your body’s hormones. I had to do the same thing right after busting my butt to get in the best shape of my life. I had to gain enough weight to be 10 lbs above my comfy weight to get my cycle to function properly (since we are trying to conceive). It was hard to adjust to at first, but now I understand how worth it it is to gain health.
    .-= Tina´s last blog ..Spring Is Popping! =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for writing, tina. you definitely had a unbelievably worthy cause there, trying to get pregnant. my issue isn’t nearly as important as that, but man, you really do have a good point.

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  2. Diana
    24 March 2010, 6:37 pm

    Is there any way you can get it up by other means? I know there are foods even that they suspect lift it up. Maybe I’m wrong though.
    great that you are finding information that helps! I hope that some day you can stop counting calories and listening to your body. It’s the ultimate wish for all of us disordered eaters, isn’t it? Do it when you’re ready though. And remember, you can always go back if you find it now working! Experimenting is just that 🙂
    .-= Diana´s last blog ..Meeting a fellow blogger! =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    really, there are foods that can lift my estrogen levels? i will have to look into that.
    yup, diana, that is the ultimate wish and for some reason i’m feeling good about it right now. and you are right, i can always go back to weighing/measuring/calorie counting if i’m not comfortable with how it’s going. it’s just the whammy of that med and something else i’ve been prescribed to help with a woman issue that is creating a lot of variables.

    [Reply]

    Lara Reply:

    I have had issues with low estrogen and looked into all sorts of “natural” ways to increase it via foods,herbs, etc. Didn’t find anything that really worked. I took estrogen pills at one time in my 20’s and think I gained a pound or two due to some water retention. It wasn’t true weight gain.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for the great info, lara! i can definitely deal with a pound or two.

  3. POD
    24 March 2010, 6:46 pm

    I would be very careful taking estrogen without progesterone, and even then I doubt I’d take it. (based on my experiences).

    What are the side effects of not enough estrogen (other than dry coogie (haha) and old age (me).

    Are you really thin? Because normally fat girls make extra estrogen while the thin, don’t make as much. Is there a way to get estrogen levels without using estrogen?
    I might do some research and torment you further.
    .-= POD´s last blog ..Spring Training =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i’m a little anxious about it, but the dr who prescribed it has an amazing reputation so i’m trusting in him. er, um, too personal to get into the reasons why he has me taking the estrogen, sorry. 🙁

    well, thinness is pretty subjective. i am lean from losing my weight and working out. i did stop menstruating last year, but good ol aunt flo has been back for a while now.

    torment away!!!!

    [Reply]

  4. POD
    24 March 2010, 6:47 pm

    The book sounds good though.
    .-= POD´s last blog ..Spring Training =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    lol! i may write some more about the book soon. i know there are tons of books out there and some really speak to us while others don’t. for some reason this one is speaking to me. again, i could just be in a groove now and feeling confident. but you know us women, that could change tomorrow. =)

    [Reply]

  5. Lisa
    24 March 2010, 9:00 pm

    Yes, as you know, I love that book too 🙂
    I think it is totally awesome that you might be ready to ditch the scale, calorie counting, and measuring. This is a process and you have come so far. Your story shows me day after day that this isn’t a quick fix slap a bandaid on type of thing.

    As far as estrogen, my sister had to start taking it and gained nothing 🙂
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Bailing out one bucket at a time… =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for your support, lisa. i’m toying with the idea more than i ever have before. i will surely let everyone know if/when i pull the trigger. it feels good just thinking positively about it even instead of in a white-knuckle-flight kind of way!
    woohoo! good to know someone who didn’t gain weight from taking estrogen. i hope i can be that lucky. i’ll know within the next few weeks. it’s still a big wrench in deciding whether or not to stop the weighing/measuring food and calorie counting. i won’t know if weight fluctuations are due to the estrogen or the intuitive eating. *sigh* and i’m only getting on the scale once a month now, so i will totally be flying by the seat of my pants and going by how my clothes fit. heaven help me! =)

    [Reply]

  6. Holly
    24 March 2010, 10:13 pm

    Thank you for the shout out!

    Wow – that is a huge revelation! Congrats!! This really, REALLY gives me hope that one day I’ll be able to stop counting cals, too. Do you think you’ve been inspired by the books you’ve read, or do you think you’re just ready?

    As far as the estrogen goes…do you think it’d put you more at ease to go on the estrogen first and see how your body reacts, and then ease into intuitive eating? I don’t know a lot about estrogen, but I know obviously side effects are different for everyone. Like you I am a worrier, though. But, just keep telling yourself to cross that bridge when you get there….one thing at a time. I need to tell myself this OFTEN!
    .-= Holly´s last blog ..Chicken Cacciatore and Mama Got Some New Shoes! =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thansk, holly! still too soon whether it’s just a phase or if these feelings are the real deal. i just know it’s the first time i’m thinking about it in a positive way as opposed to a “holy crap can i really do this” kind of way. the books are really making me take a look at things in a different way and helping me to understand my past. maybe making me feel more normal?

    that’s a great idea, trying the estrogen first. i’ve been on it a week now and we’ll see how the next few weeks go. i don’t get on the scale anymore, so it’s hard to tell if my weight has changed yet. my clothes feel the same so far, so i guess that is the best sign. but seeing what the estrogen does first will give me time to really think through dropping those other compulsive food behaviors, seeing if i’m ready to go to intuiitive eating. i’ll talk to my therapist about it too in another couple of weeks at my appt. diana reminded me, as did my therapist, that there is nothing wrong with trying the intuitive eating and going back if it doesn’t work for me. so there is a comforting safety net there.

    [Reply]

  7. Jody - Fit at 52
    25 March 2010, 8:13 am

    What great strides you are taking in your healing! How wonderful!!!! Sounds like you are moving forward baby step by baby step!

    I have not taken any “change of life” pills although I probably need them. If you read my healthcare reform posts, you probably understand that this house can’t afford the coverage. Anyway, I wish I could help you there but I can’t. I hope you don’t have probs! Yes, use your clothes as a barometer.

    Thx again for letting me post about you today.. Thursday!
    .-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Pounds Count From Confessions of an Overeater; Happy Bdays’ again! =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, jody. i’m going to let it sink in a bit, before making a hasty decision, but i’m happy just to be thinking about it in a positive way.

    you are so welcome!

    [Reply]

  8. Christie {Honoring Health}
    25 March 2010, 12:28 pm

    Congrats on deciding to stop counting cals! Listening to our bodies is amazingly rewarding and you can do it!

    I wish I had advice about the estrogen 🙁

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i appreciate your encouragement, christie, thanks! i’m not 100% there on my decision, but i’m closer than i’ve ever been.

    [Reply]

  9. Sarah
    25 March 2010, 12:29 pm

    Wow. . . this is a lot to think about. This is my first time commenting on your awesome website. I agree with the people who said that you can always go back to weighing and measuring and calorie counting if intuitive eating feels like “too much” to handle with the estrogen. I do think you should consider following your instincts and trying it though . . . you’ve been edging towards it (can you tell I’ve been reading your archives?) and maybe now is really the right time for you! One book you might want to check out is the Diet Cure by Julia Ross. She talks about both intuitive eating and hormone imbalances, including estrogen issues and more natural cures for them. Just a thought.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for you support and for stopping by, sarah! and wow, that book sounds great. i am clearly a eating-disorder-book whore because i find that they really help me, but wow, one that also talks about hormone imbalances, that is exactly where i am right now.! did you read it? i’m going to amazon.com as soon as finish up here.

    [Reply]

    Sarah Reply:

    I did read it and it was amazing. I’m not ready for a lot of her ideas yet but I hope to be someday. I’m still a pretty compulsive calorie counter. I saw myself in a lot of what she talked about, though, in the binge eating parts of the book. I think you will get a lot out of it — I sure did.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i ordered it and can’t wait to get it, so thank again, sarah! after reading the reviews, it seems like i won’t need to read all of it, just the parts that pertain to my situation.

  10. Patsy
    25 March 2010, 12:48 pm

    I have no ideas or suggestions for you, just keeping my fingers (and toes!) crossed that everything works out just as you want it to!
    .-= Patsy´s last blog ..Feel like a Challenge?!? =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, patsy!

    [Reply]

  11. recoverydiscovery
    25 March 2010, 5:14 pm

    Thanks for the book suggestion, I find reading helps me a lot, too. I think listening to your intuition/hungry signals is a great idea. Good luck!

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    you’re welcome! i think the reading, along with this blog community, just helps me feel more normal and helps me to become aware of things i would have otherwise not known.

    [Reply]

  12. Biz
    25 March 2010, 5:43 pm

    If I wasn’t diabetic, I’d totally ditch the counting calories and weighing food – but it saves my life and as my doctor said to me “I wish all my diabetic patients were as diligent as you!”

    This is my first month doing the weighing in once a month – kinda scared but happy about it too!

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    you are awesome with your calorie counting and weighing food, you are a doctor’s dream!
    i can’t believe i’m into month three of the once a month weighings after putting my self on the scale at least once a day! it truly is freeing, although i was a bit nervous at first.

    [Reply]

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