The Dynamic Duo – Guest Blogging

The Dynamic Duo to Keeping My Weight Down

I am honored to be guest blogging on the one and only MizFitOnline today about how excercising plays such an important role in my compulsive overeating recovery. Check it out here or keep on reading.

The dynamic duo of being binge-free combined with working out has been the key to a happier me. I feel better in mind, body and spirit. It hasn’t been easy and I know I’m facing an uphill battle, but as of this moment, I’m up for the fight.

I have been a compulsive (over)eater for 30+ years, although it never occurred to me I had an eating disorder, I thought I just had a sweet tooth all that time.

At 5’3”, my weight has been as high as 172 and as low as 105. Like many women, during my high school and adult years, I have moved between those numbers like a yo-yo due to my obsession with food. One thing that I think has always helped me is that I’ve always been athletic. I’ve always worked out on my own or at a gym. Fortunately, I’ve been at the low end of that weight range for a little over a year, which simply means you wouldn’t know by looking at me how fanatical I am with food and how badly I struggle with food issues every day of my life.

Though I played sports all through school and dabbled in various types of exercise over the years, I became a runner back in ’96. I ran as my sole form of exercise for 11 years, including running a marathon. You’d think I would have been as thin as a rail from all the miles I ran, but my eating disorder (in hindsight) kept the weight on. I’m sure I was healthier from all the running, but mentally and spiritually I still was not happy. Due to a torn meniscus in my knee diagnosis a little over two years ago, I had to cut my running down to part time. I joined a gym and included strength training and various other forms of cardio to my workout regime. Wow, what a difference that has made to my 41-year old, having-two-kids body! Who knew?!

It wasn’t until I recognized and embraced that I had an eating disorder two years ago, admitted it to my husband, started going to OA meetings and saw a therapist, that I could finally reign in my eating and reap the benefits of my working out at the gym 4 days a week. Being honest was liberating then and it still is now.

I have now been binge-free just over two years. I feel good about myself and like what I see when I look in the mirror. But more important than how I look, is how I feel. I didn’t like how I felt when I was binging. I would feel horrible; mentally, physically and spiritually. I was very down on myself and of course self-medicated with more food. Every day I would vow it would be the last binge and that I would start eating sensibly the next day, but sadly, it took me a long time to get to the place in my head where I needed to be to really make that happen.

Of course my greatest fear is going back to the binging cycle. I never had a normal relationship with food, but heaven help me, I will continue to learn how to fight this eating disorder and remain in recovery. My goal is to keep learning and improving myself so that I can perhaps have a semi-normal relationship with food as time goes on.

I hope this dynamic duo sticks around for a while. I am the only one who can make that happen and I am committed to it. One day at a time.

One day at a time. Nurture myself. Awareness. Letting Go.

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Comments

4 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. POD
    21 January 2010, 11:32 am

    I saw your post at Miz. I’m going to be reading up on your story. I totally have an addiction to food, and have known it for years though I’m in recovery. Each hour can be recovery. Thanks for guest posting over there.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for writing and congrats on being in recovery! it sometimes feels like a full-time job, doesn’t it? this obsession/addiction my life in so many ways and I wish it didn’t. one day at a time, right?

    [Reply]

  2. Lisa
    21 January 2010, 2:02 pm

    Wow-I just discovered your blog and I cannot stop reading…I feel like you are telling my exact story. I am 47, 5’3, weigh 123 and exercise compulsively-I am a marathon runner, triathlete and swim coach/personal trainer. While I love the exercise, I just had my “aha” moment while reading your stories. I am a compulsive overeater. I cannot believe it…I am still trying to wrap my head around this concept-I thought I just liked some sweets now and then-but I realize now, that I can’t have just one mint hard candy. One hard candy leads to about 20…would love to share more…

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    hi lisa, wow, i feel so honored that you found such a connection with my blog. we do sound a lot a like. and yes, it’s all very overhwhelming at first, but embracing the eating disorder was a huge part of my recovery. i will contact you to share some more.

    [Reply]

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