Saturday will make seven weeks of no weighing/measuring of food or counting calories, though I do admit to still doing some tallying in my head once in a while. Long-standing habits are hard to break! For what it’s worth, I used to write down all the counts and use a calculator to tally. But now since I stopped officially counting, if I feel the urge to get an idea of how much I’ve eaten, I have to figure out everything in my head, which is quite a daunting task for my pea brain!

I had a pretty big test over the weekend. We had a dessert event Friday night, a dinner and dessert event Saturday night (where we ate dinner at about 9:00 pm, VERY late for me) and then a luncheon on Sunday for Mother’s Day. (Happy belated mother’s day to all the moms!)

All three times I did not frame any foods as forbidden, and I allowed myself to taste things to see if they were worth it. Some things were, some things weren’t. If they tasted good, I enjoyed them, but without bingeing.

After the third day in a row, because my body was probably in a bit of shock after eating treats that it hasn’t had much of since I’ve been binge-free, along with eating dinner very late one of those nights, I didn’t feel too good both physically and mentally.

Physically, my stomach was feeling full throughout a good portion of those three days, something I’m really not used to anymore. (On a side note, I have been pms’ing for a week on this estrogen supplement, so I’m sure there was some bloating going on. TMI?). Mentally, I didn’t like the feeling of being full.

Actually, both those things worried me a bit. Though I did not binge, there were some bad/disordered behaviors going on in my head. Basically, overeating a little bit at these three events, three days in a row, made me a little nervous in that – would I go back to being a “normal” eater, someone who can overindulge a little bit at a special event, but then go right back to normal eating the next meal or the next day? As a compulsive overeater for decades, it would be SO easy to slip back into my old disordered ways. So would I slide right back into that sickness or would I be able to keep my act together, be the recovering/recovered person that I have worked so hard at being, and bounce right back?

The answer is… I was able to get back to being a recovering person, although on Monday I was still a little bit pick-y with some leftovers.

On top of the 3-event weekend, I also discovered that the 12-pack of caffeine free soda which I drank seven cans of during the course of the week, was not diet soda, as I usually drink. So there was an extra 1050 calories right there. Ugh! To add insult to injury, I dropped a can on the floor and it exploded onto just about every wall, pantry door, table and chair within a 5′ radius in my kitchen. Talk about a sticky mess!

I’m due to get on the scale for the first time in a month on Tuesday. Though my clothes still feel pretty much the same, my jeans slightly less loose, I will touch base on the scale just to see what’s what.

Another good recovery step for me – I had my annual physical with my primary care physician yesterday. Though I’ve only known I’ve had an eating disorder since December of 2007, I came clean to my doctor about it. Add him to the short list of people who know.

On another note… There were two great eating disorder-related shows on yesterday, if you didn’t see them, try to check them out on line.

First, on Oprah, she interviewed author Geneen Roth about her latest book called “Women, Food and God”. Here’s the link to the show on Oprah’s website. (I have previously posted about Roth’s awesome book “Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating” here, here and here.) I think I’m going to be picking up this new book. Oprah rattled off a quick list of guidelines at the end of the show and one of them was something to the effect of – to eat in full view of others, which struck a chord with me.

Then on Dr. Phil, he did an “in your face” with a girl who has been suffering from anorexia and bulimia for the past nine years, and her family. It was pretty disturbing. Here’s a link to the show on Dr. Phil’s website.

Lastly, I’m going to remain on “blog break” to enjoy being more present and until I figure some more things out, but I will check in again soon. I apologize for not reading your blogs and keeping up. I hope you are all doing well!

I’ll be back, so please bear with me. If you have any questions or want to contact me, please feel free! love2eatinpa@gmail.com.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

1) What physical features do you love about yourself?
I think I have nice arms and shoulders. I’m lucky that I don’t carry weight there, so from working out, my arms look pretty toned and cut. Of course my mother-in-law and her friends think I look ill, but they don’t come from a generation where women workout/lift weights. Ironically, I am one of those people who is always cold, so I practically always have my arms covered. Go figure!

2) How do you personally take care of yourself?
I take care of myself by eating as healthy as I can. I’m pretty fussy and don’t like a lot of fruits and vegetables, but I do try to eat the ones that I do like as much as I can. I workout four days a week like clockwork, and my sleep is very important to me.

3) What are you looking forward to?
Warmer weather, a one-night get-a-way planned with my husband tomorrow!!

4) Who has aided your recovery the most?
My therapist, followed by books I’ve read. And of course – me! =)

5) What was the very last thing you ate?
breakfast – oatmeal with scrambled eggs in one bowl (thanks, alicia!)

6) What is one material thing you are dying to have right now?
A necklace from The Silver Maple or a snow-blower for next winter. =)

7) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
Hawaii or Israel

8 ) What is/was your biggest fear food, and how will/did you conquer it?
That’s a tough one… I have learned from my therapist not to frame foods in that way, that nothing should be feared or forbidden. But prior to learning that from him, I guess I would say dark chocolate. I safely always have a bag of dark chocolate Hershey’s kisses (my gravatar!) so I can have a few to get my sweet fix after dinner. Years ago I would have some, then keep jumping again for “just one more” over and over again. I don’t remember how I conquered it, but it is always in my house and always for after dinner.

9) What are your dreams for life after ED?
I feel like my toe is dipping into “life after ED” right now and it feels wonderful. My dream is for it to always be as it has for the past month – I’m not obsessed with food thoughts, I don’t weigh/measure portions, I don’t get on the scale every day. I’m binge-free 2+ years. I want to maintain my current weight while doing these things and be able to live this way for the rest of my life. I also dream/pray that I don’t pass down an ED to my daughter.

10) What advice would you give to someone concerning eating disorders?
Definitely to seek help to find the root of where the ED comes from, analyze it and then put it behind you. I think that has been key for me. Another huge thing is being honest about it. Maybe not with the whole world, but with some people you can trust, because I really believe in my tagline – you are only as sick as your secrets.

Hey all, as I mentioned in #3, I will be away Sunday – Monday (woohoo!) so I will be MIA blog-wise. Catch up with everyone on Tuesday! Have a great weekend!

And oh, there is still time to enter the book giveaway, see original post here. Deadline is May 2, a random winner will be chosen on May 3.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Typically, going to my sister-in-laws house for any event fills me with anxiety. For some reason, I was still holding onto the calmness and I had no anxiety. It felt great. While there, I totally engaged in conversation and was not obsessed with the food. A miracle!

I do have to mention, that it wasn’t the usual smorgasboard of desserts and sitting at a table with food in front of me, but it was in fact an outing and there was of course food that I could have gotten into had a really wanted it.

But the amazing part is that I didn’t want it and I didn’t have it. I truly enjoyed the conversations I had with people. I amazed myself.

So to keep things chronological, I told you all about my trip, so you know how that went. Well, two days after we returned, we went to a combination Passover/birthday dinner for my son and nephew at the same sister-in-law’s house.

Once again, my mindset going in was not one of anxiety, which, again, was such a great feeling. This gathering entailed sitting at a table with all the dinner food and then later, dessert food, in front of me. I was not counting calories, but ate sensibly. Did I pick a little bit at the chicken and then at some of the dessert? Yes, I did. But it was not in the “forbidden” way, it was the “I’m just eating like a normal person would” way, if that makes any sense.

I again engaged in conversations instead of obsessing over the food. With this new mindset I’m embracing, I didn’t make any of the food forbidden. I just ate it like it was no big deal. The food was not controlling me. I consciously chose to have it.  There was no planning, obsessing, plotting and over-thinking. There were no regrets and I know I did not overeat. It was quite empowering and I felt kinda “normal.”

Since I won’t be getting on the scale until the 16th, I won’t know how all this is going. Yes, my clothes seem to be fitting fine so far, but it hasn’t been two weeks yet and I do need to admit, I will feel better once I check in on the scale and hopefully see that little or nothing has changed.

I’ve told myself that if not weighing/measuring food and not writing down my calories has me gaining too much weight, then I will go back to my old ways. For now though, I remain positive that I have made a really great leap, I’m trusting my instincts, I’ve banished all or most of my old demons that caused the compulsive overeating over three decades ago, and basically, I’m giving it my best shot.

I want to enjoy food, but not be a slave to it. I am slowly changing the way I used to describe myself – I used to say that “I lived to eat”, but now I’m starting to feel more like “I eat to live.”

Which do you feel like you are doing – “living to eat” or “eating to live”?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

This, my friends, is a MIRACLE. I can’t remember a time since I was a teenager that I didn’t count my calories, no matter how astronomically high that number got.

But… When we were away, I did tally calories in my head because I was not eating my normal foods. I didn’t write anything down though. From decades of calorie counting, I’m a walking calorie book, as I’m sure most of you are too. Ask me a piece of important information in my life and I’ve got no clue – ask me how many calories are in 4 ozs of cooked chicken, I can spout that out immediately.

So on the trip, I was eating intuitively, mostly. The one thing that I did not do intuitively was eat my dessert when we were out to dinner. The four of us would eat and it was just natural to order dessert and eat it, hungry or not. But this showed me, that I can be a “normal” eater, simply by making good choices. I ate dessert every night, but it was sensibly, with no regret, and did not overindulge at all. So it would seem that at this point in time, I’m not eating 100% intuitively, but my gosh, what I’m doing is worlds away from what I’ve done in the past.

I’m quite content with this. I don’t know what tomorrow, next week, next month or next years holds, but I don’t care. I’m taking it one day at a time. I can hopefully stop the tallying in my head, but after calculating for decades, this may take some time. I’m a work in progress and am totally fine with that.

I will not be getting on scale for two weeks, so I really won’t know if I gained or lost on the vacation. At that point, it will have all balanced out anyway.

Because it’s good to take stock and to acknowledge any accomplishments, which I rarely, if ever, do, I’m going to list them:

1. I stopped getting on the scale at least once a day. I have only been on once a month in 2010, so only three times this year. Amazing.

2. I am tuned into my hunger cues instead of just eating because it says a certain time on the clock (which is what I’ve done for so many years).

3. I am tuned into my body and trying to ask myself, when I am hungry, what am I really in the mood for.

4. Since March 26, I have not written down or kept vigilant track of my calories. Somehow, I am really ok with this. Yes, I did tally them in my head while on vacation and am still doing it now to some extent, but I did not write them down and I really couldn’t tell you my total from one day to the next. Rome was not built in a day, ya know!

While away, I worked out twice, although abbreviated, in the hotel gym and we did TONS of walking, me carrying the backpack of drinks/snacks, etc.

And oh, the trip was really exhausting, but really great. The museums we went to, the historical landmarks we saw, the cherry blossoms, everything was fascinating. We hope our kids took at least some good info away from the trip.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Now trust me, I don’t love being next to someone who is a bit rank from sweating, I’m sure I’m guilty of that myself though I always put deoderant on, but somehow sweat, though often revolting, is somehow more natural than perfume.

I wanted to gag. I hated the idea that I was breathing deeply of something that wasn’t natural, that the noxious odor was filling my pink, hard-working lungs.

I then was faced with the decision of whether to stay on the machine or stop, get off and find another one. As I’m not one who is good with change, I opted to stay. Dumb, I know!

Fortunately for me (and all the other folks within a 10-foot radius!) she got off after about 10 minutes and went downstairs. Ahhhhh, fresh air again!

Have you ever been working out next to someone whose odor grossed you out? If so, did you stay on the machine or move?

On another note, I’m proud to report that another month has passed before I got on the scale this morning. It was the same ol’ weight which I’m used to seeing, which is just what I was looking for. I was due to get on it this past Friday, but aunt flo came to town so I decided to hold off until she left. I feel empowered to have only climbed onto the scale twice in two months, a far cry from hopping on it at least once a day for decades!

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

I felt very calm and relaxed. I was choice-ful prior to going and decided that I would taste/eat things that looked really good. I ate three small things and enjoyed them very much. I even tasted one additional thing, but it wasn’t that good and I tossed it.

It was SO nice to feel calm instead of frenzied. After I ate what I wanted, I walked away from the table and was able to have a conversation with a good friend and no longer focused on the food. (*gasp* did I really just say I walked away from the desserts and didn’t think about them anymore and focused on a friend instead?!??!) It was such a nice change for me and I felt very good about it.

On a different note… this morning it has been one month since the last time I got on the scale. Unfortunately, Aunt Flo made a surprise, early visit yesterday so I didn’t think today would be a good day to get an accurate reading from the scale. I’m going to wait a few days before getting on. Nonetheless, I’m thrilled that I feel comfortable going from daily weigh-ins to now two months in a row of only getting on once a month. Progress!!

Lastly….Saturday night my family and I will be getting together with two dear friends and their families for pizza and fun. Our reoccurring desserts – homemade brownies and chocolate chip cookies will be there. I will read over my recent blogs to help stay grounded and be choice-ful again. Nothing like being put to the test twice in three days! =)

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

I thought it would be interesting to calculate roughly how many pounds I have gained and lost since I was a sophomore in high school.

Between the age of 16 and ulp, I’ll be 42 this month, so that is what, 26 years, I calculated that I have gained and lost at least 250 pounds. That does not include the 30 lbs I put on and took off for each of my two pregnancies which would add on 120 more pounds!).

When I think about it that way, it seems so bizarre. What have I done to my 5’3″ body cumulatively with all that yo-yo’ing up and down the scale?

How many pounds do you figure you have gained and lost throughout your adulthood?

P.S. I will write about the appointment with my therapist within the next day or so, after I process it in my head.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

(This post will sound familiar because it has some overlap with the post I wrote for Eating Journey – a chronicle of where I’ve been and how I got to where I am today. Today’s post has a bit of a different theme.)

WATRD
The Secret Life of a Binger

We are your family, your friends, your co-workers and people that you see out on the street. We come in all shapes and sizes – tall, short, overweight, underweight. You often cannot tell by looking at us that we are addicted to food and that we eat things in secret where no one else can see us.

A binge can be brought on by just about anything – a good day, a bad day, a way to celebrate just about anything, boredom, needing love and attention. Absolutely anything can be twisted to justify a binge. I should know, I’ve been a binge eater since I was about 8 or 9 years old.

I didn’t realize that I had an eating disorder until a little over two years ago. I thought I just had a sweet tooth. It wasn’t until the idea of compulsive overeating popped into my head one night in late December of 2007. I went to my laptop and started googling and found Overeaters Anonymous. They have a section for newcomers that say something like “are you one of us?” and I answered yes to most of the questions.

The reality that I had an eating disorder was both an immense relief but also a source of shame. I totally spilled my guts to my husband, which was a huge catharsis. I cried gallons of tears for days. I immediately got myself to a therapist and started to go to OA meetings. Fortunately, I was already someone who worked out regularly. So while my 5’3” frame did get up to 172 pounds at one point, I’m positive it would have been more had I not always been exercising in one form or another.

I learned in therapy that my sickness began as child. I did not have a close relationship with anyone on my family and I looked to food for love, nurturing and comfort. My mother unknowingly perpetuated the disorder by hiding things like double stuff Oreos from me because she knew that I wouldn’t eat my share and leave enough for the rest of the family to enjoy. I didn’t know it at the time, but she was giving me a message – I was not to be trusted around sweets.

When I was a tween, I would walk to the supermarket around the corner and buy things like ½ lb bags of m&m’s, bring it home and eat the entire bag in one sitting while no one else was home. I would take the empty packaging, put it back into the supermarket bag and then stuff it under items already in the trashcan because I didn’t want anyone to see the empty bag and perhaps question me.

I really didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. I enjoyed the candy, cake or ice cream, or whatever I bought, very much. I did put on weight, but because I was into sports, I didn’t gain as much as I easily could have.

When I got older and lived with other people prior to marrying my husband, the sneaking of food continued. I would be “good” during the week, but as the week went on I would make a list of the things I would buy and eat over the weekend. I would make multiple stops at bakeries, fast food restaurants, the supermarket, you name it. I would live for these weekends. For special occasions like my birthday, I would make my food list months in advance and continue to add to it until the ‘special’ day arrived.

I would eat some of the foods in front of others, but certainly not all of it. I didn’t want anyone to see me eating all of it, nor did I want to share any of it.

Even after meeting my wonderful husband over 15 years ago and subsequently giving birth to two healthy children, my bingeing continued. When we entertained, I couldn’t wait until everyone left so I could gorge myself on the leftover desserts. I was more into the food that people brought than socializing. I often flurried around the kitchen taking note of how quickly certain foods were moving so that I could swoop in and have some if it looked like something really good was going to be totally eaten.

I couldn’t fathom how people could take say, a piece of chocolate cake, eat only half and then throw the rest away. (I even today still don’t understand how people can do that. Old thoughts die hard!). When no-one was looking, I have eaten leftover food out of the sink or sickeningly enough, out of the trash can. If I wanted a particular something, was obsessed with having it, there was no stopping me from eating it.

It didn’t matter that I felt totally sick, that the waistband of my pants were totally digging into my stomach, I was driven by some sick frenzied feeling to keep stuffing my face with food. Once again, it was usually when I was alone.

I would also do a lot of my binging at house parties or more special affairs like weddings or bar/bat mitzvahs when there was a buffet, especially of desserts. I would not even be able to focus on having a conversation with a friend or relative if there was a buffet of dessert out. All I thought about was getting back to the food table, only half listening to the conversation I was having.

There were certainly times when I would eat large amounts in front of others, but I would always make sure to say something like – “I’m pms’ing” or “My gosh, this is so good I just can’t stop myself!” I had to make up a reason, because after all, it really wasn’t proper for me to stuff my face like that.

So here I am, a little over two years later. I haven’t binged in over two years. I weigh the lowest I have ever weighed as an adult. I’m happy with my recovery. I like what I see when I look in the mirror and I like how I feel. I count my calories, weigh and measure food. So my compulsive behaviors are certainly continuing, I’m a work in progress.

I only recently stopped getting on the scale every day. Through therapy and blogging, I have learned new awarenesses and have been growing as a person. I have recently began listening to my hunger cues instead of just eating because I have the calories to eat. Every day is still a struggle to some degree, but thankfully, most days are easier rather than harder. But the hard ones, when the compulsive overeater voices are louder than normal, are tough.

It sucks to think that I will never have a normal relationship with food. I am doing my best to get as close as possible, but like an alcoholic can be sober for 20 years, he is still an alcoholic. So I try my best to live one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time, in hopes to remain binge-free. I’m afraid that If I fall of the wagon, it will be that much harder to get back on it. That Is what OA veterans say and that scares me. It would be SO easy to go back to bingeing, but I’m fighting it every step of the way.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Somehow I’ve been lucky enough to be guest blogging on two amazing websites last night/today – Eating Journey and We Are The Real Deal

Sadly, Michelle@Eating Journey has decided after much soul searching to stop blogging at the end of this month, so I am honored that she chose to post my compulsive eating journey before she leaves the blogosphere (hopefully only temporarily!).

You can read the post here or below.

On WATRD, I wrote about the secret life of a binge eater. you can read the post here or tomorrow on my blog. I am so grateful that such an amazing website would want a post of mine to appear there.

EATING JOURNEY
Michelle had asked if I would share my story of how I have been binge-free for over two years, after being a compulsive (over)eater for over three decades, and tell you how I deal with food these days. I thought it would be a nice time to review where I’ve been and how I got to where I am today.

Unbeknownst to me, I became a compulsive eater when I was about 8 or 9 years old. Closeness was not fostered in our house between my parents, older brother and I, and I turned to food to find the nurturing and comfort that I needed. In addition, my mother would go food shopping, buy junk food for the family, but she would hide it from me because she knew I would never just eat a “normal” share and leave enough for the rest of the family.

I found out a couple of years ago in therapy that my mom, unknowingly I’m sure, was giving me the message – you cannot be trusted with food. So the bingeing began at a young age with trips to the store to buy junk. I would eat it when no one was home, stuff the empty bags/containers/wrappers back into the supermarket bag, and then bury that in the trash can. I had low self-esteem and was pretty insecure (as many tweens, teens are.)

As I got older, I continued binging off and on. I thought I just had a sweet tooth. My weight yo-yo’d up and down throughout my life, going from 105 lbs to 172 lbs and everywhere in between. Mind you, I am only 5’3”.

As an adult, at parties my goal was to get back to the dessert table over and over again. How good the party was to me was based upon the foods that they had, not the people or the conversations. I would talk to people, but in the back of my head I would be thinking about a certain food and would ultimately make up some excuse to get away from that person so I could go eat some more.

When I was married and we entertained, I loved to clean up after everyone left so that I could devour the leftover desserts. I have pulled food out of the sink, the trash, you name it. I would shove food into my face without even really tasting it. I would just shovel and shovel until I was sick and sometimes that shoveling didn’t stop even with that horrible bloated feeling. Of course after I was done, I would vow that it would be my last binge and that I would be “good” the next day, but sadly, I was only sometimes able to actually pull that off.

Fortunately, throughout my life, I had always exercised. So I am certain that I would have gotten much heavier if I hadn’t been working out.

So one night at the end of December 2007, I was home alone watching TV and somehow the idea of compulsive eating popped into my head. I went to my laptop and started googling. I eventually ended up at the Overeaters Anonymous website. They had something on their site that asked “are you one of us” or something like that, and I answered “yes” to just about every question. This was horrifying, yet thrilling to me at the same time. Being an A-type personality, I was thrilled to finally have a term and a compartment to put this part of my life in. I wrote a long letter to my husband telling him about this new revelation about myself and did a LOT of crying over the next few days. Years of shoved down emotions had finally bubbled to the surface.

So then the real journey began. I embraced the eating disorder, started going to OA meetings, got myself into therapy, continued with my working out and have not gone on a binge ever since.

While I do have a lot of things that I’m still working on, thanks to my therapist (a recovering compulsive eater himself) who has opened my mind to SO many things, I deal much better with food these days.

As most compulsive (over)eaters do, I have control issues. I weigh and measure my food, and I have been a calorie counter since I was a teenager even though sometimes the calorie counts were astronomically high. I have also been getting on the scale every day for decades, but have recently gone cold turkey on that. That was my first step in letting go of some of my white-knuckle control. I hope one day to be able to stop the weighing/measuring/calorie counting, but I can only take one baby step at a time.

I have a food plan that I follow pretty strictly, although I’m finally to the point where I do allow myself some slack and realize that going over my calories a couple times of month is not going to make 10 lbs automatically fly onto my body. This food plan allows me the freedom of not having to worry what I’ll be eating that day. It’s quite freeing and comforting.

The newest thing I’m working is on tuning in to my body to listen to its hunger cues. This is so new to me as I have always been very regimented with my eating, i.e. eating a snack at 2pm simply because it’s 2pm, whether I’m hungry or not.

I do not deprive myself. The foods that I eat have been tested and chosen over the past couple of years and I really love to eat them. I eat chocolate every single day without fail.

Also, I’m a big planner. I try to leave very little to chance when it comes to food. If I know I’m going to be out of the house doing errands or something, I always pack a water bottle and a healthy snack. I don’t want to be caught starving and have to be faced with making choices between things I know aren’t good for me that will leave me hungry (and feeling bad) five minutes later.

I have definitely had a few slips here and there, but the have never led to me tossing all my hard work out the window, saying – screw it, then eating everything in the house that wasn’t nailed down as I was prone to doing in the past.

I have this great bracelet that I wear, that is a constant reminder of my abstinence. When I first started wearing it, I first used it to mark the days, then weeks, then months and now years of my abstinence. It is a silly thing of black string and beads I bought at a craft store, but it means the world to me.

I still have my struggles, but most of those times are when I’m at an event or party and am faced with foods that are enticing and that I know are triggers for me. But with my therapist, I’m working that. He tells me that if I expand other things in my life, my obsession with food will get less and less. He’s right. He has also told me that how I frame certain foods is very important. For example, I have often said something like – brownies are my kryptonite. He has shown me that by framing the brownies in that manner, I’m already setting up a tense and often losing situation for myself.

So, slowly but surely I am learning how to deal better with my food addiction/obsession/compulsion. I weigh the least amount I have ever weighed in my adult life and have maintained this loss for almost 18 months now. It feels wonderful to look in the mirror and like what I see. It feels great to be comfortable in my own skin, something that was foreign to me for TOO many years.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body