So here they are…

This first pix is probably me at close to my heaviest. Notice the big sweater which I thought hid everything…

And here is me when I lost about 10 lbs since the first photo…

(my gawd, I had no idea those popular cable sweaters were so see-through! how embarrassing!)

The sad faces are there because I was unhappy with myself. I was bingeing like crazy, and did not love myself or nurture myself. I turned to food with complete abandon when I was happy, sad, bored, fill in the emotion. For me, eating enormous amounts of food was the answer to everything. I felt badly about myself, but felt helpless to do anything about it.

With many diets, yo-yo’s up and down on the scale, then two pregnancies …I’m more than 60 pounds less than the first photo and have been holding at that weight for just under two years.

Here I am on the beach the afternoon of my triathlon. My husband and I were goofing around with the body marking that the triathlon people put on everyone’s arms for identification.

Jody encouraged me to post this pic on my blog, though I told her it made me feel a little uncomfortable. She said “If I were you, I would post that pic! This is just showing people how far you have come & it is possible to overcome & then look great with muscles too… strong & fit!”

Thanks for encouraging me, Jody! I still feel a little funny, but the message is – If I can do this, anyone can. It took me until almost age 40 to realize that my obsession with food/eating was in fact an eating disorder. Through therapy, OA, reading some great books and of course the awesome blog world, I am now pretty much recovered.

The next triathlon is in less than month =)

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

These are the award’s rules:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award. Thanks FMDOC!!!
2. Share seven things about yourself. Coming up…
3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs. Sort of coming up, you’ll have to click on the links…
4. Let your nominees know about the award. Um, did it before and too lazy to do again, sorry =)

Seven things about me that I haven’t written yet…

1. I think I like taking my kids to see/watch Disney movies more than they enjoy the movies.

2. You know how everyone has at least one really bizarre or crazy thing/talent they can do? Not me, I don’t have one.

3. I’ve driven an SUV for a little over 10 years and I don’t think I could ever go back to driving a sedan. Why? Because I’m 5’3″ and I really like the idea of feeling somewhat tall at least at some point during the day.

4. I am the only person in my family who does not have curly hair.

5. I’m currently addicted to watching triathlons on TV.

6. In the summer, I like to paint my toenails or do an occasional splurge on a pedi. For some reason, I never do my fingernails. I think because I use my hands so much that the polish gets crapped up so quickly.

7. As a kid, I always thought it would be so cool to wear glasses. Fast forward to my late 30′s, guess who actually needed them?

and one for good luck…

8. I have never colored my hair. The grays are starting to come in though, so I see hair coloring in my future…

I think via other awards I’ve been lucky enough to be the recipient of, I have probably already nominated most of the other blogs I enjoy reading. I apologize if I’ve not mentioned you! You can see the blog lists here and here.

Last, and certainly not least, a shout out to Katie at “Health for the Whole Self” for her awesome giveaway. Check it out here.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

The triathlon is in just under four weeks now. I am sitting on the edge of my seat reading about Rita of The Giggly Bits as she is writing about her first triathlon experience.

I’m still finding the swim harder than the running and biking, but I guess that is only natural as I’ve only been swimming four eight weeks and have been running for over 13 years. The biking so far just seems comfortable to me, I guess because all of my cardio up until now has been involving my legs. My training schedule called for some swim sprints yesterday morning and oddly enough, I found them enjoyable. It was good to know that I could kick it up a gear.

My eating has gotten back to my new-since-march-IE “normal”. I took off the weight I put on during all those dessert buffets I was faced with a few weeks ago. As goofy as it sounds, I did some daily affirmations in the mirror after the events/buffets were over and I felt like that was helpful. I am back to honoring my hunger and my body.

Here is a photo of me (that the race people took) at the end of the duathlon. I have the timing chip around my ankle and I am just crossing the mat at the finish line. (Sorry, not the greatest photo, our scanner isn’t working.)

And oh, last but not least, I am the grateful recipient of a blog award, which I will happily pay forward later this week or next week.

The bad news – the swim was really hard. Like, this-close-to-giving-up hard.

Let me walk you through…

I was totally nervous throughout the day. Major butterflies in my stomach. It was 100 degrees out so I made sure to do my best to eat and drink appropriately for the 7:00 pm start time.

I was picked up by our friend Tom (not his real name, trying to protect the innocent here). Tom has done this duathlon and numerous other races many times, and he is a great athlete. In fact, he won his age group and came in 21st overall last night! Big props to Tom! How lucky was I to be driving with him and getting his advice??!!?

We go get there and go to the registration table. I’m pulling my wallet out of my purse and look what I found…

Is my daughter awesome, or what?!?!? What a great surprise!

So the 1/4 mile swim was point-to-point in a lake in New Jersey. The men were set to go first, followed two minutes later by the women. You had to wade about chest high into the water to start. At 5’3″, most people’s chests are at my eyeball level so I had to hang back instead instead of wasting energy treading water. In fact, Tom advised me, as it was my first time, to completely hang back and count to 10 after they blew the horn for the women to go so I would be free and clear, highly unlikely to be whacked or kicked my anyone. Great advice. (In hindsight, I realize that I swam further than I had to, but I digress.)

The water was really warm, like a bath tub, which was fine with me as I’m always chilly. So the horn blew for the women’s start. I delayed (I didn’t count to 10, maybe got to five, before I felt like I had a clear shot) then off I went.

The water was really murky and brown. I could hardly see anything, which oddly enough did not upset me. I planned to start of slowly, at my own pace, and I did. But after about 20 or so strokes, my arms started to fatigue/hurt. Crap! So I went to my plan b of breaststroking and mixed that in with my freestyle.

Have you ever seen that movie where I think it’s a child is running down a hallway and no matter how fast they run, due to movie magic, the hallway actually gets longer and not only does the child not appear to be going forward but are in fact losing ground? That is how I felt. The finish ahead of me looked SO far away, but I was determined not to throw in the towel.

So I flipped between freestyle and breast to try to get past the fatigue in my arms and move forward. I tried to look behind me and saw pretty much no-one. I hated the fact that I was last. (Yes, I am competitive!) Even the lifeguard in the kayak was paddling along parallel to me outside the swim area. This did not bode well, but I was determined to keep forging ahead. On another quick turnaround, I did see a few other women behind me, which made me feel a little better. I have only been swimming for six weeks, so I was ok with this.

About 2/3 of the way through, I stopped. I just had to. I had to catch my breath and take a rest. It was a big help as the rest enabled me to finally make it to the end of the lake. I would have kissed the sand but didn’t have the strength to bend over, and feared that if I did, I wouldn’t get back up again.

Of course at that point, one of the race photographers snapped a photo. I don’t know if I was grimacing in fatigue and disappointment about how hard it was, or if I was deliriously smiling because I was done that portion of the race.

So I went to the transition area and did a pretty decent job of taking off my swim cap and goggles while putting my wet feet into my socks and sneakers, grabbed my hair band and race belt and off I went. When I started the run, I saw 18 minutes and change on the time clock and thought how crappy it was that it took over 18 minutes to swim when I was hoping to not be more than 15 minutes. Ugh!

It took a mile or so to get into my running groove, but I did and was able to run pretty strong. There were people pretty far ahead of me and I was able to pick off about six of them at some point during this 5K portion, which made me feel good.

When I crossed the finish line, the time clock read 47 minutes and change. I was hoping to finish the race in 45-50 minutes, so 47+ was great. Tom was standing right there to congratulate me on finishing. He reminded me that the women started at least two minutes later so I really did finish in 45 minutes. I was excited. When I went online this morning to see the results and the photos, it turns out I did the swim in 14:06 and the entire thing in 44:15. Woohoo! Photos aren’t available yet. When they do get posted, if I look semi-human in them, I may post them on another day.

Unfortunately, in terms of the race, I did lousy, I came in 93 out of 104 participants. But you know what, I’m fine with that. It was such a great experience and I was really happy with how I did.

As for why my arms fatigued so quickly, there are a couple of excuses reasons why that may have happened. 1) I NEVER work out at night, always in the mornings, so that may have thrown me off some. 2) while waiting for the start, I was standing in chest high water using my arms to keep me upright, so perhaps in those five minutes, I was using up some of my arm strength. 3) I started a good 20 feet behind the starting line, so I swam further than I needed to. 4) because I am only six weeks into my training, while I tried to taper before the race, it’s quite possible that my body was still pretty tired from my weekend workout as I did not do a full taper, which I will do for the tri next month. Lastly, it just might not have been my night.

But you know what, whatever the case may be, I have only been swimming for six weeks (did I perhaps mention that already?), and I COMPLETED MY FIRST DUATHLON!!!!

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Unless it pours, I’m set to do a sort of trial race on Wednesday, 7/7. It is a duathlon that involves the same distance open water swim as my tri , followed by a 5k run. It would be really helpful for me to do at least one open water swim before my triathlon, so I won’t be shocked from doing all my training in a pool, where I can see clearly, to going to seeing lord only knows what kind of aquatic life and other junk in the open water. Though I will only be 6 weeks into my 12 week training, it will be a scary test to see how my training is coming along. Overall it should be great experience for me.

So while all that is great, there is a bit of negativeness in all this… I’m still battling with my eating, i.e. eating enough to fuel my body for my training, but not taking advantage and crossing over the line back to compulsive overeating. I’m trying to listen to my satiety cues, but with some carte blanche to eat more, I know darn well I am ignoring my cues and it has to STOP.

I have not binged, but I have definitely been exhibiting some ED’d behaviors

The past couple of weeks have been stressful. I’ve written a little about it in my last few posts, so don’t want to bore you again with my issues. Suffice to say that on top of those, I have been exposed six days/night out of eight, to buffets of desserts. Tough for even a “normal” eater to deal with! Once a week or every two weeks eating a little too much is “normal” and I’m totally good with it.

But for the past few solid weeks, the fact remains that while before I was just standing next to the line in the sand, that if I stepped over would lead me to the “dark side”, I feel like I’m now standing on top of the line.

I got on the scale to touch base to see how I was doing and I have in fact gained weight. I’m totally fine with that, but I don’t want to keep gaining. I’m sure some of it is muscle from the training, but I can’t kid myself, I know that some of it is from my carte blanche eating.

I need the rope of common sense, the lifeline reminder of how hard I’ve worked to recover from my eating disorder, the help and support to keep me from being drawn back into the world of compulsive overeating and bingeing, to pull me off of “the line” and back into making the right choices.

Today is my last BBQ. I’m going in with the mindset of not giving myself carte blanche anymore. I’ve sampled and enjoyed enough junk five times already in seven days. I know they are unusual circumstances, but I need to go back to making better choices for myself.

Sorry for the rambling thoughts, thanks, as always, for listening!

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

I was lucky enough to get the amazing author of “Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia”, which I wrote about HERE and HERE to write a guest blog for me. Marya has recovered after over 15 years of battling both anorexia and bullimia.

She also published “The Center of Winter,” and her newest book, “Madness: A Bipolar Lifes” which I look forwarding to reading ASAP.

I hope you find this post about recovery to be as inspirational as I did.

I don’t remember when I stopped noticing—stopped noticing every mirror, every window, every scale, every fast-food restaurant, every diet ad, every horrifying model. And I don’t remember when I stopped counting, or when I stopped caring what size my pants were, or when I started ordering what I wanted to eat and not what seemed “safe,” or when I could sit comfortably reading a book in my kitchen without noticing I was in my kitchen until I got hungry—or when I started just eating when I got hungry, instead of questioning it, obsessing about it, dithering and freaking out, as I’d done for nearly my whole life.

I don’t remember exactly when recovery took hold, and went from being something I both fought and wanted, to being simply a way of life. A way of life that is, let me tell you, infinitely more peaceful, infinitely happier, and infinitely more free than life with an eating disorder. And I wouldn’t give up this life of freedom for the world.

What I know is this: I chose recovery. It was a conscious decision, and not an easy one. That’s the common denominator among people I know who have recovered: they chose recovery, and they worked like hell for it, and they didn’t give up. Recovery isn’t easy, at first. It takes time. It takes more work, sometimes, than you think you’re willing to do. But it is worth every hard day, every tear, every terrified moment. It’s worth it, because the trade-off is this: you let go of your eating disorder, and you get back your life.

There are a couple of things I had to keep in mind in early recovery. One was that I was going to recover, even though I didn’t feel “ready.” I realized I was never going to feel ready—I was just going to jump in and do it, ready or not, and I am deeply glad that I did. Another was that symptoms were not an option. Symptoms, as critically necessary and automatic as they feel, are ultimately a choice. You can choose to let the fallacy that you must use symptoms kill you, or you can choose not to use symptoms. Easier said than done? Of course. But it can be done.

I had to keep at the forefront of my mind the reasons I wanted to recover so badly, and the biggest one was this: I couldn’t believe in what I was doing anymore. I couldn’t justify committing my life to self-destruction, to appearance, to size, to weight, to food, to obsession, to self-harm. And that was what I had been doing for so long—dedicating all my strength, passion, energy, and intelligence to the pursuit of a warped and vanishing ideal. I just couldn’t believe in it anymore. As scared as I was to recover, to recover fully, to let go of every last symptom, to rid myself of the familiar and comforting compulsions, I wanted to know who I was without the demon of my eating disorder inhabiting my body and mind.

And it turned out that I was all right. It turned out it was all right with me to be human, to have hungers, to have needs, to take space. It turned out that I had a self, a voice, a whole range of values and beliefs and passions and goals beyond what I had allowed myself to see when I was sick. There was a person in there, under the thick ice of the illness, a person I found I could respect.

Recovery takes time, patience, enormous effort, and strength. We all have those things. It’s a matter of choosing to use them to save our own lives—to survive—but beyond that, to thrive. If you are still teetering on the brink of illness, I invite you to step firmly onto the solid ground of health. Walk back toward the world. Gather strength as you go. Listen to your own inner voice, not the voice of the eating disorder—as you recover, your voice will get clearer and louder, and eventually the voice of the eating disorder will recede. Give it time. Don’t give up. Love yourself absolutely. Take back your life.

The value of freedom cannot be overestimated. It’s there for the taking. Find your way toward it, and set yourself free.

Marya has been kind enough to giveaway three of her “Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia” books! 

To enter, please leave a comment, letting me know why you would like to read the book. I will draw three random commenters on 6/23 and announce the winner on 6/24.

Please feel free to share your recovery story as well!

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

There it is all shiny and fabulous. So a big thanks to Rita and this is what I had to do to as the recipient of this honor:

1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER! Done!

2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:
(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus. If I drank enough to get drunk, I would fall asleep!
(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment. I just wrote about the time I pulled a pizza crust out of the trash can and ate it here.
(c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post. This would take way too many brain cells for me to do and I barely make it through the day as it is.
(d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever. I’ve never done a vlog before and sadly, wouldn’t know the first thing to do.
(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, makeup, etc) and post it. Well, here ya go!!

wake up sleepyhead!

I know, I know, I’m going to need to change my phone number so I don’t get bogged down by all the modeling agencies who are surely going to be calling me now!

3. Pass this award onto at least 3, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them.

Number three is the hardest part. There are so many really great blogs out there, it is really hard to narrow it down as to whom to pass this award on to. Though you all have inspired me and aided in my recovery, I’ve decided to chose some of you who are ahead of me and help me to keep moving forward.

1. Diane Fit to the Finish Diane lost 150 lbs over 12 years ago and has maintained her weight, despite being the mother of seven, yes SEVEN, kids! (I can barey manage two kids!) Diane is an inspiration in how to balance life, while staying fit and healthy.
2. Truth2BeingFit Though Jody doesn’t have an eating disorder, she is my idol as far as being 10 years older than me and looking as amazing as she does. Her blog gives great workout/fitness/health advice.
3. Big Girl Bombshell. Jules’ blog is full of very wise and thought provoking advice about life, eating and body image.
4. Honor My Health. Christie has great info about recovering from disordered eating, eating and living healthy, as well as interesting recipes.
5. Weightless. Margarita offers a wealth of information from a psychological standpoint regarding not just eating disorders, but other mental issues. Her sight is a great resource.
6. Healthy Girl. I only just started lurking on here, but am really enjoying this site and feel like I can learn a lot here.

If you have a moment and don’t read these already, please check them out. There are so many other blogs that I truly enjoy, I couldn’t possibly list them all but many of them are in my blogroll.

On another note, I got on the scale for the first time in a month. My jeans had been feeling less loose and I assumed that from that long mother’s day weekend of eating more than usual, along with the week of drinking regular soda instead of diet, that I had put on a few pounds, which would have been ok. Well, somehow I lost 1-1/2 pounds! And that was after a 1 pound loss last month.

Now while I’m not trying to lose weight, it just goes to show that the Intuitive Eating is actually working!!! Lord knows what part of my body the loss has come from, but there it was on the scale. So while I don’t want to lose any more weight, it now means after two months of not weighing/measuring my portions and counting calories that I am progressing and succeeding. This gives me hope, confidence and trust that I really can continue to just listen to my body and it will do me right.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Saturday will make seven weeks of no weighing/measuring of food or counting calories, though I do admit to still doing some tallying in my head once in a while. Long-standing habits are hard to break! For what it’s worth, I used to write down all the counts and use a calculator to tally. But now since I stopped officially counting, if I feel the urge to get an idea of how much I’ve eaten, I have to figure out everything in my head, which is quite a daunting task for my pea brain!

I had a pretty big test over the weekend. We had a dessert event Friday night, a dinner and dessert event Saturday night (where we ate dinner at about 9:00 pm, VERY late for me) and then a luncheon on Sunday for Mother’s Day. (Happy belated mother’s day to all the moms!)

All three times I did not frame any foods as forbidden, and I allowed myself to taste things to see if they were worth it. Some things were, some things weren’t. If they tasted good, I enjoyed them, but without bingeing.

After the third day in a row, because my body was probably in a bit of shock after eating treats that it hasn’t had much of since I’ve been binge-free, along with eating dinner very late one of those nights, I didn’t feel too good both physically and mentally.

Physically, my stomach was feeling full throughout a good portion of those three days, something I’m really not used to anymore. (On a side note, I have been pms’ing for a week on this estrogen supplement, so I’m sure there was some bloating going on. TMI?). Mentally, I didn’t like the feeling of being full.

Actually, both those things worried me a bit. Though I did not binge, there were some bad/disordered behaviors going on in my head. Basically, overeating a little bit at these three events, three days in a row, made me a little nervous in that – would I go back to being a “normal” eater, someone who can overindulge a little bit at a special event, but then go right back to normal eating the next meal or the next day? As a compulsive overeater for decades, it would be SO easy to slip back into my old disordered ways. So would I slide right back into that sickness or would I be able to keep my act together, be the recovering/recovered person that I have worked so hard at being, and bounce right back?

The answer is… I was able to get back to being a recovering person, although on Monday I was still a little bit pick-y with some leftovers.

On top of the 3-event weekend, I also discovered that the 12-pack of caffeine free soda which I drank seven cans of during the course of the week, was not diet soda, as I usually drink. So there was an extra 1050 calories right there. Ugh! To add insult to injury, I dropped a can on the floor and it exploded onto just about every wall, pantry door, table and chair within a 5′ radius in my kitchen. Talk about a sticky mess!

I’m due to get on the scale for the first time in a month on Tuesday. Though my clothes still feel pretty much the same, my jeans slightly less loose, I will touch base on the scale just to see what’s what.

Another good recovery step for me – I had my annual physical with my primary care physician yesterday. Though I’ve only known I’ve had an eating disorder since December of 2007, I came clean to my doctor about it. Add him to the short list of people who know.

On another note… There were two great eating disorder-related shows on yesterday, if you didn’t see them, try to check them out on line.

First, on Oprah, she interviewed author Geneen Roth about her latest book called “Women, Food and God”. Here’s the link to the show on Oprah’s website. (I have previously posted about Roth’s awesome book “Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating” here, here and here.) I think I’m going to be picking up this new book. Oprah rattled off a quick list of guidelines at the end of the show and one of them was something to the effect of – to eat in full view of others, which struck a chord with me.

Then on Dr. Phil, he did an “in your face” with a girl who has been suffering from anorexia and bulimia for the past nine years, and her family. It was pretty disturbing. Here’s a link to the show on Dr. Phil’s website.

Lastly, I’m going to remain on “blog break” to enjoy being more present and until I figure some more things out, but I will check in again soon. I apologize for not reading your blogs and keeping up. I hope you are all doing well!

I’ll be back, so please bear with me. If you have any questions or want to contact me, please feel free! love2eatinpa@gmail.com.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

I was very curious, wasn’t sure what to expect. I had started taking an estrogen supplement about a week before I stopped all my food weighing/measuring and calorie counting. I had read that a side effect of an estrogen supplement is weight gain. So that was on my mind.

I thought that I was eating roughly what I had been eating when I was counting, but thought that maybe I’d eaten a little more each day.

My clothes were still fitting pretty much the same, which of course was the true measure, but I was very curious to touch base on the scale.

Well, I’m happy to report that I lost a pound, which in effect means I maintained my weight, for which I’m quite happy. It’s only been a few weeks, but at least there wasn’t a tremendous gain. That may have scared me away from intuitive eating and had me running back to the calorie counting, weighing and measuring.

Seeing that number on the scale was evidence that this was working for me. I took the huge leap of faith, having the confidence to trust myself and my body, and it seems to be working so far.

So I remain cautiously optimistic. I will get on the scale in another month, and then a month after that. I think at that point, if my weight stays roughly the same, I will feel like this is truly working. I will then feel confident going forward that I can really do this.

I’m sure I’m jumping the gun here at less than one month into the intuitive eating, but because how one views/label oneself plays such a big roll, I’m wondering at what point in time do I change saying I’m “in recovery” to I’m “recovered”? What do you think is the barometer for that? Is there some clinical amount of time required of having not binged and be eating intuitively? Do I need to be eating intuitively for 2 weeks, 6 months, 5 years?

If you feel you’ve recovered, what was the point you got to that enabled you to call yourself recovered?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

I will try to get in a few workouts and we’ll certainly be doing a lot of walking.

This new calmness is a wonderful and new feeling for me.

I will be pulling out of the archives some old posts of mine and scheduling them to post while I’m away because I thought it might be good for me to be reminded, and hopefully enjoyable for you to see, where this journey of mine began. While I will try to read and respond to any comments left on my blog, I unfortunately won’t have time to read your blogs and leave comments, so I’m sorry about that.

More thoughts on intuitive eating… I apologize that I keep clarifying that I’m thinking about doing this and that at any time that could change depending on my mood/day, but here goes…

I feel like over the past two years or so (since I discovered I had an ED) that I have been meandering slowly over to a fence. On one side of the fence is disordered eating, the other side is intuitive eating/ recovery. I’m binge-free, my weight has been at a constant for about 18 months, I am pretty much ok day-to-day, but outings can be challenging food-wise unless I’m really on my game.

Right now, I feel like I’m standing at the base of the fence on the disordered eating side and I’m looking over at the intuitive eating/recovered side. I just need to take the first step to start climbing the fence. The fence is tall and scary, out of my comfort zone. But I have a quiet calm about me now in regard to food, so maybe it is my time to start the climb over.

I have also decided that when I take that climb, my intuitive eating will be exactly what I’m doing right now as far as eating healthy. I’m not sure I’m ready to just have anything I want, as per intuitive eating, and be ok with that. I’m not sure I’m ready to just have anything I want and be ok with that. So does that mean I won’t be intuitive eating? Do I have to do that part? It just feels safe to me right now. Can I just do what I’m doing now, but minus the weighing/meausuring of my portions and writing down every calorie I take in?

I have gotten pretty good at listening to my hunger cues and not just eating because it’s a certain time on the clock. So that is a good thing. I also think I’m pretty ok with knowing when I’ve had enough, although when I portion things, I know that I can totally finish everything, so that part is a little sketchy.

I know that slips here and there won’t kill me and that “normal” eaters sometimes overeat too. That gives me a level of comfort. I think I’m at a point where I have learned to let go a bit and enjoy foods that really taste good, go over in my calories a little and not beat myself up about it. From what I’ve read, that is what separates us ED’d folks from “normal” eaters. They don’t obsess about overeating one meal.

So does that still count as intuitive eating? Will doing what I wrote above put me on the other side of the fence?

Have a wonderful week and happy holidays everyone!

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body