The second half of the blog year, through therapy, some great books and the blog world, in mid March the stars aligned for me. I found the faith and trust in myself and my body to feel confident enough to let go of my white-knuckle control/obsession with food. I resolved in my head the reasons I became a binger/compulsive overeater when I was a child. I took the leap from calorie counting, eating at certain times because of what the clock said, weighing/measuring food portions and getting on the scale at least once a day to just releasing all of those behaviors. I was ready to be freed from the chains that I let hold me all those years. I am now free and empowered.

Food no longer controls me or runs my life. It has no power over me. I will not let food have the control. I no longer eat because of the things that happened decades ago in my childhood. I no longer eat for emotional reasons. I enjoy the foods I want, when I want them, in moderation. I am not doing perfect Intuitive Eating, but I am intuitively eating in a way that is right for me.

When I find a passion in my life, I throw myself into it completely. This blog started off that way. I desperately needed an outlet to write about my issues with food. It was so easy to write every day, I had so much to work through, say and share. It was amazing therapy. You all were instrumental in that.

But as you know, I have been blogging less and the content has been less about my issues with food. I love the blog world, the community, and all it has given to me. I feel like I have taken so much from all of you – your kindness, support and inspiration. I can only hope that I somehow gave a fraction of that back to you.

By cutting back like I did a few months ago, I was trying to blog “half way” and that just doesn’t fit with my personality of going all out. I wanted to be part of the community, yet still have time to pursue other passions in my life. I have confirmed over these few months that there is no half way for me when it comes to blogging. I hated missing out on what everyone was saying, yet I was stressing myself out trying to find the time to write/read/comment. I just couldn’t find the balance that you all have seemed to have found.

I completely admire those of you who have came through the trenches with your eating disorders and still have fresh, creative ideas to keep on blogging. I truly marvel at how you do that. I am simply not that clever.

With that being said, I’m going to take a true break from this blog and the blog world.

With school starting up this week, I need to devote more time to my kids. I need to try to remain less stressed. I need to continue with my new found passion of triathlons, as well as having time to give myself an opportunity to write a book of my memoirs, my journey through this eating disorder. I want to somehow pay forward the things I have learned throughout these past few years about overcoming this sickness I’ve had for over 30 years called compulsive overeating. I feel good recognizing that these are my needs and that I’m trying to take care of them and myself.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your unending support and constant inspiration. I don’t think I’d be recovered today without all of you.

So with that, I bid you a very fond farewell. Or perhaps I should say – until another time…

PLEASE do not hesitate to contact me if you want to ‘chat’ or if for some reason you want me to guest post. I definitely want to stay in touch, as I have become ‘close’ to many of you and truly consider you my friends. If any newcomers read this, please feel free to contact me as well, I’m happy to help if I can.

I’m sure I will still lurk around here and there as I slowly pull away from this amazing blog world.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Focusing on Intuitive Eating

I can’t remember exactly how I heard about Intuitive Eating. More than likely it was through the blogosphere.

I read Evelyn Tribole’s book, Intuitive Eating, A Revolutionary Program The Works, and I also really got a lot out of Goodbye Ed, Hello Me by Jenni Schaeffer.

It’s amazing to me how reading certain books at certain times can be so impactful on our lives. I don’t think the books would have affected me as much if I had read them before I realized I had an eating disorder. I think everything happens, or people/things come into our lives, for a reason, and those books came to me at a time when my mind was open to accept what they were saying.

I had been toying with the idea of making the transition from daily calorie counting, weighing/measuring food portions, to intuitive eating for about a week or two in mid March. Due to a combination of therapy, blogging and reading books, I felt ready to trust myself and my body to try this totally new way of eating and thinking about food. I was trying to decide when the best day it would be to start based on some other events that were going on in my life. Do I wait until those events passed, what day would make the most sense to get started with this, how exactly do I begin?

In the middle of wavering about when and how to start, before going to bed one Friday night, I read in Jenni Schaeffer’s book about taking the leap off the mountain without a parachute. I had my answer. The next day, with little fanfare, I didn’t count my calories or weigh/measure my food portions. I took the huge leap of faith. I finally had the trust in myself that I could listen to my body and that my body would not do me wrong. I realized that food is just that, food; it is not something that has magical powers over me. I control it, it does not control me.

That was over three (update – four) months ago and though there are days here and there, especially in the beginning, when I still sometimes tally the calories in my head (long-time habits are hard to break!), I still did/do not write it down as I had done for decades.

I still feel like a work in progress. I am now pretty good at reading my hunger cues, but am still working on my satiety cues. (My cues have been thrown off after 30+ years of compulsive overeating and bingeing, so I understand it’s normal that it will take some time for my body to send me the right messages and for me to interpret them properly.) I have however, maintained my weight, so I guess I’ve been making good choices.

Right now things are a bit tricky because though I’ve always worked out 3-4 days a week, I’m training for my first triathlon, which is more intense than my normal workouts, and it has thrown off my hunger cues. My appetite, oddly enough, has been reduced greatly. I know eating less would not be good for my training or for maintaining my weight, so I have had to eat even when I’m not hungry in order to keep my body properly fueled for my training.

I feel like I’m walking a fine line between eating more because I know my body needs the fuel, and eating “just because” I can, bordering on compulsive eating. I have decided to weigh myself twice a month instead of once a month to help keep a tab on my food intake in relation to my triathlon training. As I’m dedicated to doing this first triathlon, I am equally dedicated to not blow my 2+ years of binge-free hard work and more recently, IE, but it’s difficult at times to keep my old ways from overtaking me again.

Still, letting go of the calorie counting, weighing and measuring food portions and making no foods forbidden has been freeing and empowering. When you stop framing foods as “bad” it takes away its attraction. Everything in moderation actually has meaning in my life now. So do the terms “eating to live” instead of “living to eat.”

I love and embrace the new mindset of no food is forbidden, although I do choose to still make healthy choices, for instance, not choosing a meal with a cream sauce or one that is fried. Although when it comes to dessert, the sky is the limit, just in moderation. =)

Follow up to when I wrote this about a month ago… with some daily self affirmations I was able to get my head back on straight and am back to IE. In fact, with my training intensifying as the race is getting closer, I am hungry almost all day long, so no problems following my hunger cues there!

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

If you just started reading my blog, this will fill you in on where I’m coming from. If you already know my story, just skip the post below. =)

My eating disorder story began over 30 years ago when I was about 8 or 9 years old, when I became a compulsive overeater and binger. I had a mother who hid junk food from me because she said/knew I would eat more than my share and not leave enough for the family to enjoy, and I had a father who teased me in my teen years about my rear end being big. He thought he was a riot and that I knew he was teasing, but he had no idea how that “teasing” affected me.

For many years I binged on sweets like there was no tomorrow, always hiding the wrappers, packages and bags out of shame. My weight ballooned up and would come down when I would diet, only to balloon back up again. It was an ugly cycle.

As I got older and got married, it continued. When we went to parties or events, my mind was busy centered on the food, instead of enjoying time with friends. When we hosted parties, I loved cleaning up because then I got to devour leftover desserts when everyone had gone. I lived to eat, instead of eating to live.

I thought about food all the time. I would think about what I would eat next before even finishing what I was currently eating.

My recovery first began in December of 2007, a few months before I turned 40, when one night, the words “compulsive overeater” somehow popped into my head. I got on my laptop and did some googling, and found my way to the Overeaters Anonymous website. They had a list of questions that asked something to the effect of “are you one of us?” I answered “yes” to most of them.

This was both horrific and wonderful at the same time. There was the shame of having a sickness, a disease, an eating disorder, but at the same time, being an A-type personality, I was thrilled there was a name for what I was doing and realized that I could get help.

So my passion then became getting help for myself. I went to OA meetings, I found a therapist, and I got honest with myself and my husband. I wrote him a very long, cathartic letter revealing all of my food/eating secrets. He knew I liked to eat sweets, but had no idea that I did so much eating in secret and how much I thought about food/eating.

I cried off and on for days. Decades of my secrets had finally come bubbling up to the surface.

OA helped me to realize that I was not alone. Through therapy I learned that the things I mentioned earlier in my childhood are what turned me to the comfort of food. I was not getting the nurturing and love that I needed from my family, so I found it in food. This pattern repeated itself over and over again as I got older and had become deeply ingrained even though I married an amazing man almost 13 years ago.

I have been binge-free since I realized and embraced that I had an eating disorder. I lost the extra weight I had been carrying and have maintained the loss for 20 months now. I did this by counting calories, weighing and measuring food portions, and working out. I also weighed myself every day.

Oddly enough, I weighed myself and have counted calories for over 20 years actually, even when the numbers were astronomically high. I felt like food was the only thing I could control in my life.

In January 2010, I started to just get on the scale once a month. The mere thought of that gave me heart palpitations, but it turned out to be quite simple. Then in late March, a certain calm or peace came over me and I decided I was ready to delve into the world of Intuitive Eating. Six months prior, the mere thought of giving up my calorie counting, weighing/measuring my food portions would have had me laughing in your face, but at the end of March, all the therapy, eating disorder books I read and blogging gave me the awarenesses I needed to make the giant leap of faith.

Almost three months later, I can’t tell you how empowering and freeing it is to have dropped that white-knuckle grip of control I had on my food. I have come to learn that “normal” eaters overeat occasionally. The difference is that they don’t focus on it and beat themselves up about it. They just put it behind them and move on to the next meal or day.

The “voices” in my head that roared like a lion when I was in the throws of compulsive overeating and bingeing have become the whispers of a mouse.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

The rules of the award are that I have to tell you 7 things that you don’t know about me yet…

1. For two seasons, when I was about 9 and 10 years old, I was the only girl in the boys little league baseball league.
2. I went sky diving (a tandem jump) in 1998. My husband and his friend did it as well. That was before we had children. Words cannot describe how amazing it was.
3. My very first job, after I got working papers at age 16, was at a local Burger King. (Those brown and orange polyester uniforms were the worst!) I have vivid memories of standing over the french fry bin and stuffing my face with fries. I also vividly remember melting bacon and cheese in the microwave and eating it, over and over again.
4. When I was about 14, I was a mother’s helper in Atlantic City. The boy I watched was 2-1/2 years old and had cerebral palsy. Long story short – I once had to give him the Heimlich maneuver to keep him from choking on a peanut butter sandwich. Thank goodness it worked! It made me so ill though, the family had to cut their weekend short to bring me home.
5. I got certified for scuba diving, along with my husband, before our honeymoon in 1997, so we could dive the coral reefs of Australia.
6. I am one of those weirdos who is always cold.
7. I am an embarrassment to the female race – I do not like shopping, I know next to nothing about make-up, designer labels or shoes, and I’m not into fancy jewelry.

The 2nd rule is that I have to pass the award on to seven other Beautiful Bloggers. Yikes! This is hard, there are so many I like! So in no particular order, here are some, ok, ten, that I didn’t get to mention when I was lucky enough to win one of these awards a month or two ago…

1. The Balance Broad
2. Waisting Time
3. Anonymous Fat Girl
4. Eating Journey
5. The Giggly Bits
6. Living Healthy in the Real World
7. A Weight Lifted
8. Poise in Parma
9. Tippy Toe Diet
10.Half of Jess

I hope you’ll check these out! They are all great blogs about things like losing weight, eating disorders, intuitive eating, healthy living and fitness, mixed in with life.

A shout out to Michelle at Eating Journey for her awesome Happy Giveaway.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Good or bad, I’m not someone that frequently steps out of my comfort zone. I am someone who lives a pretty structured life. I have my routines of workouts, eating, what my days are like, etc., and that gives me comfort. I have read some great posts about challenging yourselves and I always read them and think it’s a great concept, but rarely put it into play in my own life.

A quick bit of background… for about 11 years I was a runner. That was pretty much all I did 3-4 days a week. Then about 2-1/2 years ago, I went to get a slight knee issue checked out after running a 1/2 marathon and found out through testing that I had a torn meniscus in my knee. There was nothing to be done about it and it certainly wasn’t debilitating, it was just there and certainly wasn’t going to get better as time went on. I also was told that I couldn’t run as much anymore, which led me to join a gym.

This turned out to be a blessing in disguise. While I still continued to run on the treadmill once a week, I also discovered the elliptical machine, the precor and strength training. I have reaped the wonderful results of using all that equipment.

So getting back to the idea of challenging myself…

The other day I got an email from an organization which is near and dear to my heart that a fellow eating disordered friend turned me on to. A Chance to Heal. Their mission: “A CHANCE TO HEAL prevents the incidence and reduces the impact of eating disorders, and promotes the importance of positive body image by educating and influencing parents, young people, educators and healthcare professionals.”

The email said – “Join us as A Chance to Heal celebrates the power and joy of our bodies while embracing the importance of body image, productivity and energy. We will be fielding a team of triathletes at the following four events this summer in the Delaware Valley…” Here’s the logo:

It hit me. This is a sign. It’s time for me to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself to do something I’ve never done before. While I have ran a marathon, a couple of halves and 10 milers, and numerous other short races, I’ve never done a triathlon. I always knew I could run and bike, but I’m not a strong swimmer so I felt a tri was never really in the cards for me.

This email came at a time that my mind was open to such an idea. So I have decided to train for and compete in my very first triathalon in mid-August. Once I wrapped my brain around the idea, I realized that I loved the idea of shaking up my regular workout routine, using new muscles and having a challenging and exciting goal on my calendar. I haven’t had one of those for over 2-1/2 years ago when I ran my last 1/2 marathon.

So I’m excited. I forgot how exhilarating (and scary!) it feels to have a date on the calendar of something to shoot for, something that was just for me. I can make a weekend of it with my family. My kids saw me do a 10-mile race and the last 1/2 marathon but they are older now and can hopefully appreciate all the more what I am doing. I especially want my 10-1/2 year old daughter to see the women of all shapes and sizes doing great things with their bodies. I want my kids to see their mom set a goal, challenge herself and follow through as they are cheering me on.

What they ask of competitors is to raise $200 in sponsorships. All proceeds go directly to supporting eating disorder education and prevention programming. I will have to ask people to sponsor me, which I’m not entirely comfortable with, but I need to remember the money is going to a worthy cause. I certainly wish I was exposed to an organization like this when I was growing up.

)If by any chance you would like to make a donation to sponsor me, please go to make a donation. Put in any amount and then let me know (privately if you wish) so I can let them know to attribute it to the money I’m raising.)

Or here’s another idea, if you live in the Delaware Valley, please come join me!

Reminder – if you haven’t already done so, please check out my earrings giveaway. It ends on 5/31.

Have you stepped out of your comfort zone lately? What are you doing to challenge yourself?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

There it is all shiny and fabulous. So a big thanks to Rita and this is what I had to do to as the recipient of this honor:

1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER! Done!

2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:
(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus. If I drank enough to get drunk, I would fall asleep!
(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment. I just wrote about the time I pulled a pizza crust out of the trash can and ate it here.
(c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post. This would take way too many brain cells for me to do and I barely make it through the day as it is.
(d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever. I’ve never done a vlog before and sadly, wouldn’t know the first thing to do.
(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, makeup, etc) and post it. Well, here ya go!!

wake up sleepyhead!

I know, I know, I’m going to need to change my phone number so I don’t get bogged down by all the modeling agencies who are surely going to be calling me now!

3. Pass this award onto at least 3, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them.

Number three is the hardest part. There are so many really great blogs out there, it is really hard to narrow it down as to whom to pass this award on to. Though you all have inspired me and aided in my recovery, I’ve decided to chose some of you who are ahead of me and help me to keep moving forward.

1. Diane Fit to the Finish Diane lost 150 lbs over 12 years ago and has maintained her weight, despite being the mother of seven, yes SEVEN, kids! (I can barey manage two kids!) Diane is an inspiration in how to balance life, while staying fit and healthy.
2. Truth2BeingFit Though Jody doesn’t have an eating disorder, she is my idol as far as being 10 years older than me and looking as amazing as she does. Her blog gives great workout/fitness/health advice.
3. Big Girl Bombshell. Jules’ blog is full of very wise and thought provoking advice about life, eating and body image.
4. Honor My Health. Christie has great info about recovering from disordered eating, eating and living healthy, as well as interesting recipes.
5. Weightless. Margarita offers a wealth of information from a psychological standpoint regarding not just eating disorders, but other mental issues. Her sight is a great resource.
6. Healthy Girl. I only just started lurking on here, but am really enjoying this site and feel like I can learn a lot here.

If you have a moment and don’t read these already, please check them out. There are so many other blogs that I truly enjoy, I couldn’t possibly list them all but many of them are in my blogroll.

On another note, I got on the scale for the first time in a month. My jeans had been feeling less loose and I assumed that from that long mother’s day weekend of eating more than usual, along with the week of drinking regular soda instead of diet, that I had put on a few pounds, which would have been ok. Well, somehow I lost 1-1/2 pounds! And that was after a 1 pound loss last month.

Now while I’m not trying to lose weight, it just goes to show that the Intuitive Eating is actually working!!! Lord knows what part of my body the loss has come from, but there it was on the scale. So while I don’t want to lose any more weight, it now means after two months of not weighing/measuring my portions and counting calories that I am progressing and succeeding. This gives me hope, confidence and trust that I really can continue to just listen to my body and it will do me right.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Beth, shoot me an email with your mailing address so I can get the book sent to you. Hope you get as much out of the book as I did!

Second, I had a wonderful Sunday – Monday getaway with my husband. (We were the winning bidder on a silent auction at a fundraiser for a night’s stay and dinner at the Borgata in Atlantic City. We saw a comedy show after dinner and had a great time.)

The getaway was a bunch of “re’s”… relaxing, refreshing, recharging and we did some needed reconnecting.

It was wonderful, if even for just 27 hours, to be just grown-ups having fun together, with no responsibilities. Personally, it meant not being mom/referee/cook/dishwasher, just being a wife who had a wonderful time remembering why she loves her husband so much.

We had wonderful meals, and for me, there was no obsessions or concerns about food before, during or after. I made good choices, had treats within moderation and felt wonderfully unencumbered by any thoughts of an eating disorder.

My m-i-l stayed at our house with the kids while we were away. We are so lucky that she lives close by and that she is willing to do that for us. It’s a win-win — the kids love her, she loves to be with the kids and we get some quality adult time.

I remember when my daughter was born 10-1/2 years ago, my independent personality rarely accepted the help she offered. I was not brought up in a home where people were nurturing and I became very independent in order to survive. Also, as a new mom, nursing around clock, I didn’t think she could do much to help me anyway, and I think I wanted to prove I could handle my own baby.

Well, when my son came along 2 yrs and 4 months later, I realized what an amazing gift I had in my m-i-l. By that time, with a newborn and a toddler, I was so grateful for the help, that I certainly sought her out.

So I/we are quite lucky to have her live less than 15 minutes away and that she is always willing to step in and watch the kids when she is available.

Have you ever had a gift like this right under your nose but didn’t realize it?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

I am lucky to be able to present to you today a guest post by the author of “goodbye ed, hello me”, Jenni Schaefer. As I posted before, this book was really life-changing for me in my recovery from my eating disorder. Read it through then check out the book giveaway at the end.

It’s My Body
by Jenni Schaefer

It’s my body. If I am overweight by societal standards or some height/weight chart, my body does not need to be starved in order to fit in. My body will be the size it is supposed to be if I am taking care of myself. I will not fight it.

It’s my body. If I go out on a date and a guy buys me dinner, I do not owe him a kiss or anything else. A simple, “thank you,” does the job just fine. Despite what society might say, my body is not my currency.

It’s my body. If I overeat at a party today, because the food is just so good, I do not need to restrict or over-exercise tomorrow. My body needs to be nourished, everyday, and never deserves to be punished.

It’s my body. If I have been abused, my body does not deserve to be hated. My body is not disgusting because of what someone else did to me. My body is not something to feel ashamed of or to hide. I cherish my body.

It’s my body. If I am sick, I need to give my body rest and do whatever it takes to get well. My body is not invincible. It is fragile. I must not abuse it with food, alcohol, drugs, or anything else. I must take care of it.

It’s my body. Today my organs are nourished and can function properly. I get enough sleep. I am strong. I do things that feel enjoyable like hiking, swimming, getting a massage, yoga, or even kissing my date — when I choose to do so.

It’s my body. I do not look like you or anyone else. You might be taller or thinner than me. By societal standards, you might be prettier than me. But you are not me. And I am not you.

It’s your body. Respect it. Nourish it. Love it.

Appointed to the Ambassador Council of the National Eating Disorders Association, Jenni Schaefer is a singer/songwriter, speaker, and author of Life Without Ed and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. She is a consultant with the Center For Change in Orem, Utah. For more information, visit www.jennischaefer.com.

Jenni is kind enough to giveaway one “goodbye ed, hello me” book to you!

Two ways to enter for a free book…
1. please leave a comment
2. link back to this post from your blog, which will count as a second entry, and please leave in the comment section that you posted the link.

A random commenter will be chosen on Monday, May 3, and will be announced the following day.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Last early May, though I had not binged for over a year, here is what happened…

While at an outdoor carnival at my children’s elementary school, they were serving pizza for dinner as well as a myriad of other junk. I love pizza and having a slice once in a while is totally cool with me.

Well, that late afternoon, I was working at a booth and my (at the time) 9-yr old daughter was hanging out with me there. She went over to get a piece of pizza. I told her to please save me her crust to eat, as she would throw it out anyway. I was fixated on having her crust, sight unseen.

So she was eating her slice and ended up dropping it on the ground halfway through. I actually got annoyed because I was not going to be able to eat the crust. I practically shoved gently encouraged her back to the pizza stand to get another slice. I mean, after all, that was her dinner, and a half eaten slice of pizza was not a decent dinner for her, right? Certainly not enough of a dinner that would allow her to have one of the desserts available.

So she got another slice, ate it, then threw out the crust while I had my back turned. I was so angry.

The huge plastic trash can was just a few feet away and it was 90% filled to the top. So what did I do? I went right over there, saw her crust with her plate and napkin right on top and I picked it off the plate and ate it.

Yes, I did. Without a thought, right in front of everyone – my fellow parent friends, kids I knew, teachers I knew.

After I ate the crust that I was so fixated on, that quite frankly wasn’t even good but that didn’t matter, the mortification of what I had done set in.

My gosh, what the hell was wrong with me!??!?! I reached into a garbage can and pulled a stupid pizza crust off of the top for crying out loud!

So while that was not a binge, it was a horrible, disgusting compulsive eating moment. Who saw me? How could I possibly explain away what I did? How sick and disgusting could I be? I wanted to die.

I right away sought out my husband to tell him what I had done. The next person I went to was a dear friend who was there, a fellow compulsive overeater, to admit what I had done. I had to tell someone who would truly understand. I felt being honest, instead of letting it simmer inside me, was the way to go.

Now, I’m not particulary proud of this, but this ED has led me to take things out of my own personal garbage cans in the privacy of my own home while no one was looking, but to do it for the first (and last!) time in public was taking it to a whole other sick level.

Anyway, later that evening, I called this same friend to discuss it further. She knocked some sense into me. She told me it was done, I couldn’t change it, that I have to learn from it, put it behind me and move forward. It took a good 24 hours of shame for me to let her words sink in, but they finally did.

So, it just goes to show that even though I had the bingeing part licked for over a year, my compulsive, irrational, obsessive thoughts were still there. Talk about a reality check!

How about you, care to share your most embarassing food moment?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

This bracelet came out of a brainstorm session between me and my first therapist in January of 2009. It was when I first realized I had an eating disorder (after 30 years of bingeing / compulsive overeating but didn’t know there was a name for what I was doing) and sought help.

The therapist asked me what I was doing to mark the daily achievements of each day I didn’t binge. I was like, um, nothing. So she suggested that we come up with a way to acknowledge every binge-free day because that was a victory. We tossed some ideas around and ended up with this bracelet idea.

I went to the craft store and bought a few items to get started. I was very excited. I went to the jewelry making section. I bought some thin black cord, which also included clasps in the packaging and some beads that I liked.

I started just putting one bead on for each day in a row I was binge-free. Once I pretty much strung the daily beads around my wrist, I bought a different pack of beads that I used to represent weeks. Here is a photo of the 8-week mark I hit in March of 2008. (Eight beads representing eight weeks)

8 weeks

Then when those weekly beads filled up most of the bracelet, I went back to the craft store and bought a different pack of slightly different beads to represent months and I would just put the months on. Slowly those months and weeks built up to a year, so I bought slightly different beads to represent a year. Here is a pic of it from last November, when I hit the 23-month mark. (one yearly bead plus 11 monthly beads)

23 months

This last photo was taken last month, when I hit 26 months. (two yearly beads plus two monthly beads)

26 months

It really is just a silly, simple thing, but I wear it every day. It was, and still is, a badge of honor for me. I don’t want to have to take off the beads and start all over again, so I’m doing everything in my power to keep that from happening.

I’m not sure if that is healthy or not in my recovery, but I have chosen to make this bracelet and what it stands for to be very important.

What do you to mark the milestones in your recovery?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body