On Sunday, our family was invited to go out on a friend’s boat which gave me a wonderful opportunity to do a practice swim in the open water, a lake. Once again, a whole other animal than swimming in the pool with it’s tidy clear water, walls and lane markers.

I was scheduled to do a 5-mile run, so I did that before we left. I won’t bore you with the details but I ordered asked nicely for my husband and our friend to please do certain things to help make this swim close to the conditions I’m going to face at the actual race – like having to swim out and having to navigate around an object that will be like a buoy. Besides rounding up 400 other people to swim around with me, they did a great job.

It was actually kind of interesting to have my husband and my kids in a boat 10-20 yards ahead of me watching me in case I showed signs of drowning. My 8-yr old son asked me about three times if I was OK. I told him I was OK, but it was really hard. The fact that I could even respond was quite a feat.

Since the boat doesn’t have an odometer, we marked the distance based upon my swim time from the duathlon. Bottom line – I did it and I didn’t stop this time (like I did at the duathlon)! My husband was kind enough to jump in the lake with me with about 1/3 the distance left, and swim in my proximity to help me experience another swimmer in the water. While we were out there together, with my head above the water doing breaststroke, I asked him if the dock was getting further away or if I was somehow swimming backwards. Funny how that phenomenon happened during the duathlon too. Anyway, he assured me that was not the case.

Unbeknownst to me, he had decided to race me in to the finish. I somehow beat him! A little while later he told me that his arms were pretty sore. Um, really!?!?!?

While on the boat, both kids told me, after one of the times they were out swimming/playing around in the lake, that they could never do a triathlon, which of course led me to my – you can do anything you set your mind to speech.

On another note, I have realized that I don’t push myself enough when I’m swimming. In both training in the pool and swimming in the lake Sunday, I easily give up on freestyle and go to breaststroke to give myself a break. I’m not sure why that is. As competitive and athletic I’ve been my entire life, I guess the older I get, the less I seem to push myself.

It’s weird because I know darn well that freestyle is a lot faster than breaststroke is. It would help me finish the swim portion of the triathlon faster to get me on to bless-ed dry land. It could also keep me from getting trampled by the stronger swimmers who start in the wave after me. So I REALLY need to remind myself, both during training in the pool and when I’m out there for the race and I get that feeling of needing to take a break and go to breast, that I truly can push myself a little harder.

On an entirely different note, I just hit the 31- month binge-free mark and put another bead on my bracelet. Whoot!!

Last, but certainly not least, I am fortunate to be doing a two-part guest blog on the fabulous Healthy Girl blog today. Part 1 is running today. Check it out if you have a moment.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

This bracelet came out of a brainstorm session between me and my first therapist in January of 2009. It was when I first realized I had an eating disorder (after 30 years of bingeing / compulsive overeating but didn’t know there was a name for what I was doing) and sought help.

The therapist asked me what I was doing to mark the daily achievements of each day I didn’t binge. I was like, um, nothing. So she suggested that we come up with a way to acknowledge every binge-free day because that was a victory. We tossed some ideas around and ended up with this bracelet idea.

I went to the craft store and bought a few items to get started. I was very excited. I went to the jewelry making section. I bought some thin black cord, which also included clasps in the packaging and some beads that I liked.

I started just putting one bead on for each day in a row I was binge-free. Once I pretty much strung the daily beads around my wrist, I bought a different pack of beads that I used to represent weeks. Here is a photo of the 8-week mark I hit in March of 2008. (Eight beads representing eight weeks)

8 weeks

Then when those weekly beads filled up most of the bracelet, I went back to the craft store and bought a different pack of slightly different beads to represent months and I would just put the months on. Slowly those months and weeks built up to a year, so I bought slightly different beads to represent a year. Here is a pic of it from last November, when I hit the 23-month mark. (one yearly bead plus 11 monthly beads)

23 months

This last photo was taken last month, when I hit 26 months. (two yearly beads plus two monthly beads)

26 months

It really is just a silly, simple thing, but I wear it every day. It was, and still is, a badge of honor for me. I don’t want to have to take off the beads and start all over again, so I’m doing everything in my power to keep that from happening.

I’m not sure if that is healthy or not in my recovery, but I have chosen to make this bracelet and what it stands for to be very important.

What do you to mark the milestones in your recovery?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

Here is how I scored myself:

1. I ate a good amount of challah. I LOVE the guts of any kind of bread – the doughy knots of a pretzel and best of all, the insides of an uncut challah or roll. The crust of any breadstuff has no appeal to me whatsoever, I like the doughy insides. While I did eat it rather compulsively, it could have been much worse. (This is embarassing, but in the past I would have went to other tables where people had left, and ate their challah as well.) So because it is not something that I get to eat very often, I let my intuitive eating lessons take over and allowed myself to enjoy, without guilt, something that I truly enjoy. B+

2. I had two very small pieces, plus finished off my son’s piece, of chocolate chip cake. This is famous, not-to-be-missed, worth-very-calorie cake from a local baker. I could have totally gone to town on it, but did not. Ok, so I sat next to my son, telepathically telling him he was full so he would leave some on his plate for me to finish (and hey, it worked!), but he didn’t leave me much. The yearning to keep going back for more was there and I did lurk around the cake a little bit, but I didn’t dig in as I would have in a heartbeat in the past. All together, I probably ate one normal-sized piece, which is no big deal. Again, I go to the intuitive eating teachings of eating what you really enjoy, so I did, no regrets. B+

3. I tried three other little pastries. One I didn’t like, so I tossed it (yay me!), the other two I did like so I finished them. A for tossing and C for still trying to eat stuff even though I broke my plan of having two things – the challah and the cake.

4. Eating these things compulsively. C

5. Trying to once again use my telepathic skills to get my husband to turn his back or leave the room so I could go get more challah or cake – D. It’s ironic that I tell him ahead of time to please keep an eye on me so I don’t go crazy. He does his job and a part of me loves him for that, but the other part of me, while I’m enjoying the food and my body is craving more, is super pissed because he won’t turn his back or leave the room so I can sneak in some more. (My telepathic skills did not work on him. The force is strong with that one, unlike with my little guy. (pathetic Star Wars reference))

Because I had a small dinner, overall I went over in calories (by my best guesstimation) by about 250, which in the grand scheme of things is no big deal and I’m totally fine with it. I enjoyed some good treats (mostly in moderation) and well, life is short, so I ate them. There were A LOT of desserts to choose from, and in the past I would have totally gone to town eating them, so compared to 2+ years ago, I did really well.

While in the moment I definitely wanted to eat more, but once we left, those feelings were gone and it did not continue at home. So I remain binge-free. And oh, I realized that I forgot to put the bead that marks 26 months on my binge-free bracelet, so I did that this morning.

The two bigger beads in the middle are the yearly beads, the two on the ends each represent a month.

So looking back, in the big picture, while I definitely still felt/acted with compulsive behaviors, I really did ok, probably scoring about a B. I did not go overboard with my calories and I got to enjoy some very good eats in a somewhat controlled fashion. Most of all, I was able to reign myself in and not continue with my sugar/carb high when I got back home and I remained binge-free.

This all got me to thinking… these dessert buffets are really tough for me. So in the future, do I miss out on events by skippping them, thereby taking care of myself and leave no way for me to get into trouble OR do I keep going, enjoy some treats, but have it be a tough experience for me? I don’t want to miss special events or time with family, yet, it is stressful and anxiety-ridden for me before I go and while I am there. I know I need to learn better how to deal with them and do have some tools, but they seem to fly out the window when I’m in the presence of desserts. This frickin eating disorder!!

What would you do – skip events that you know are stressful and are conducive to bingeing, or go and just try to do your best? Do you think I was too easy or hard on myself?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body