Reflections on Two Years of Abstinence

It feels pretty surreal to write this, but in three days, Jan 1, I will be two years binge-free. Two whole years. In addition, I will have maintained my weight loss for just about 15 months. Wow.

It’s interesting that while there have been so many struggles and so many victories during this time, and how each of them seemed to be so time consuming while I was living them, that those two years have really passed by pretty quickly.

I have definitely learned a lot about myself over the past two years – some good, some bad. My self-awareness has increased, especially in the past few months with the fabulous therapist I’m seeing, as well as via blogging about my struggles in recovery. I am always on the look-out for new tools to put in my tool belt to use against this eating disorder and I have certainly gained some over the past two years. Now, if I could whip them out and use them at the right times, well, that would really be something. At least now the awareness is there.

One of the key words in “compulsive eater,” is compulsive, which means all rational thought can easily fly out the window when I’m faced with certain foods, and the compulsivity is always lurking to take over at a moment’s notice. Sadly, it will be a lifetime endeavor to keep a lid, or at least a short leash, on the impulses so they don’t turn into binges. But with just about two years under my belt, I feel like I’m up for the challenge. I have to be. I don’t want to go back to a life of binging.

So I proudly continue to be a work-in-progress. While I still get worked up about upcoming events/situations that involve food, I try to calm myself by putting a food plan together to ease the panic of the event/situation I’m going to face. I am also trying to remind myself to take things one day at a time, one meal at a time. Easier said than done sometimes.

A normal-eating, dear friend of mine asked me the other day what I was going to do to celebrate my two years anniversary. At first I didn’t know what anniversary she was talking about. After figuring out what she meant, (duh!!!!), I realized that I had no clue what I was going to do to celebrate. In the past, any kind of celebration, small or large, was celebrated with food. Weeks of serious thought and planning were put into where exactly I was going to go and what treats I was going to purchase and devour to celebrate. With that being removed from my arsenal of celebratory choices after all these years, I feel like I have no clue what to do to memorialize this momentous occasion. I will definitely order myself a 2-year recovery medallion from OA to add to my 1-yr one. But aside from that, how can I celebrate or mark the occasion in a substantial way?

Suggestions, anyone?

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Comments

5 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Jess
    29 December 2009, 8:28 pm

    Congratulations!

    I was thinking about anniversaries, and I went to a wedding anniversary site and looked at a few things . . .

    2nd Anniversary
    Traditional: Cotton
    Modern: China
    Gemstone: Garnet
    Color: Red
    Flower: Cosmos

    Maybe pick a few things out of that and honor your two years of being married to your sanity (through abstinence)? It’s an idea . . .

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    great way to look at it, thanks! i will put some serious thought into that approach.

    [Reply]

  2. Maria
    30 December 2009, 10:58 am

    Congratulations. It’s truly amazing what you’ve achieved.
    How to celebrate if not with food? I must admit that the thought has never crossed my mind! Perhaps it’s time it did. How about getting a massage, a day at the spa, or getting your hair done?

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thank you! i know, how could one possibly celebrate w/out indulging in fav foods?!?!?! i like the massage and spa ideas. you and another responder have given me some great ideas, thanks!

    [Reply]

  3. […] this all day, but I wanted to give a shout out to fellow abstinent love2eatinpa, who is celebrating TWO YEARS OF ABSTINENCE (Whoa, Momma! That is so completely awesome!) tomorrow!       I wanted to […]

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