My Most Embarassing Food Moment

love2eatinpa, 26 April 2010, 48 comments
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I am coming up on the one-year anniversary of my most embarrassing food moment (in recent memory).

Last early May, though I had not binged for over a year, here is what happened…

While at an outdoor carnival at my children’s elementary school, they were serving pizza for dinner as well as a myriad of other junk. I love pizza and having a slice once in a while is totally cool with me.

Well, that late afternoon, I was working at a booth and my (at the time) 9-yr old daughter was hanging out with me there. She went over to get a piece of pizza. I told her to please save me her crust to eat, as she would throw it out anyway. I was fixated on having her crust, sight unseen.

So she was eating her slice and ended up dropping it on the ground halfway through. I actually got annoyed because I was not going to be able to eat the crust. I practically shoved gently encouraged her back to the pizza stand to get another slice. I mean, after all, that was her dinner, and a half eaten slice of pizza was not a decent dinner for her, right? Certainly not enough of a dinner that would allow her to have one of the desserts available.

So she got another slice, ate it, then threw out the crust while I had my back turned. I was so angry.

The huge plastic trash can was just a few feet away and it was 90% filled to the top. So what did I do? I went right over there, saw her crust with her plate and napkin right on top and I picked it off the plate and ate it.

Yes, I did. Without a thought, right in front of everyone – my fellow parent friends, kids I knew, teachers I knew.

After I ate the crust that I was so fixated on, that quite frankly wasn’t even good but that didn’t matter, the mortification of what I had done set in.

My gosh, what the hell was wrong with me!??!?! I reached into a garbage can and pulled a stupid pizza crust off of the top for crying out loud!

So while that was not a binge, it was a horrible, disgusting compulsive eating moment. Who saw me? How could I possibly explain away what I did? How sick and disgusting could I be? I wanted to die.

I right away sought out my husband to tell him what I had done. The next person I went to was a dear friend who was there, a fellow compulsive overeater, to admit what I had done. I had to tell someone who would truly understand. I felt being honest, instead of letting it simmer inside me, was the way to go.

Now, I’m not particulary proud of this, but this ED has led me to take things out of my own personal garbage cans in the privacy of my own home while no one was looking, but to do it for the first (and last!) time in public was taking it to a whole other sick level.

Anyway, later that evening, I called this same friend to discuss it further. She knocked some sense into me. She told me it was done, I couldn’t change it, that I have to learn from it, put it behind me and move forward. It took a good 24 hours of shame for me to let her words sink in, but they finally did.

So, it just goes to show that even though I had the bingeing part licked for over a year, my compulsive, irrational, obsessive thoughts were still there. Talk about a reality check!

How about you, care to share your most embarassing food moment?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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Comments

48 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Mircea
    26 April 2010, 5:35 pm

    It’s not that bad 🙂
    I mean this is basically human nature. We get so obsessed with some thing that we go through with them no matter what.
    For example: When you say you wanted to die of shame? Did you really want to die?
    I think it’s all cool if in the end we realize how out of line we are and are willing to correct the behavior.
    .-= Mircea´s last blog ..You know you’re too fat when… (Losing weight saga – 10) =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for your support. did i truly want to die? of course not. but i wouldn’t have minded if i had kinda went invisible for a little while. =)

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  2. Karen @ Waisting Time
    26 April 2010, 5:48 pm

    That is quite a story and I applaud you for having the courage to share it. I would do the same, if I had one. But everything I can think of happened in private. Just think of how far you have come!!
    .-= Karen @ Waisting Time´s last blog ..Oops… my mind is still on vacation. =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, karen and welcome back!

    [Reply]

  3. Lisa
    26 April 2010, 6:02 pm

    Sneaking food was always my embarrassing moment. At parties, when people left the room I’d shovel food in my mouth before they came back. UGH.
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..What An Ugly Run =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i can’t even count how many times i’ve done that. i LIVED to do that at parties.

    thanks for stopping by, lisa!

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    Rita Reply:

    Yup, me too, totally planned ahead thinking of all the stuff. Now it’s sad I didn’t spend more time visiting with people instead of eating (or planning to eat)
    .-= Rita´s last blog ..The Week that Was and the Next Installment of… =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    good to know i’m not alone. i would talk to people but only be half listening because all i could think about was getting back to the dessert table. pathetic!

  4. LovesCatsinCA
    26 April 2010, 7:09 pm

    Hey, Wayne Dyer in his latest special on PBS talks about how he loved jelly donuts as a kid, and bought some for his new stepkids when he married his wife and they didn’t like them and threw them away, and he dove into the wastebasket (granted it wasn’t in public but he’s saying this to millions) and ate them and they were horrified that he would eat something like that, and that he would eat it out of the garbage.

    Now I will confess to eating 5 or 6 donuts in one sitting 20 odd years ago, but not out of the garbage–but the bottom line is–I think eating 5 or 6 donuts for me was a symptom of compulsive overeating. For Wayne Dyer, fetching it out of the garbage was a symptom of being raised by a mother who lived through the Great Depression.

    With you, it wasn’t a binge but a fixation. It’s okay. It was once. You felt embarrassed and didn’t do it again. If you’d kept on doing that publicly after that, THEN would be a reason to worry!!!

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for sharing that wayne dyer info. and heck yes, i definitely agree, if i kept eating out of the trash outside that would be an even bigger problem than my compulsive overeating, food addiction.

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  5. Rita
    26 April 2010, 8:08 pm

    I have managed to keep my stuff terribly private too minus some episodes of trying to be bulimic while I was a teenager and my mom and brother caught me. I still remember the same of that, it was crushing.
    .-= Rita´s last blog ..The Week that Was and the Next Installment of… =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    yeesh, that must have been so horrible for you. i’m sorry you went through that.

    these eating disorders are a bear, BUT i have learned that one can overcome them.

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  6. amanda
    26 April 2010, 9:20 pm

    This is just like the Seinfeld episode where George takes the donut out of the trash to eat it!! I have not done this before…I actually will not eat something that is in the trash. I have had to throw many things away before in the trash to prevent me from eating it. I also have really cram it in the trash and place on the bottom so I won’t just say “it is only on the top, it will be okay to eat!!” Like when I threw away a half a box of chocolate (okay I think it was down to 1/3 by the time this happen) cherrios because I couldn’t stop eating them!!

    I think my most embarrassing food binge that anyone saw was when I ate a whole (med/large size) pizza by myself. The only thing that saved me is everyone was really drunk and there was tons of pizza around. I also have been known to eat dozens of cookies at family gatherings. I can normally control myself when others are around if I have had no booze…but it is sad because lately I have not wanted to go out with other people because I have had some bad bingy moments. I would also like to say that only my husband can take me to Cici’s pizza buffet. It is embarassing how much I can eat there. I will not eat the crust there but I swear I have eaten at least 20 crust less plus slices, breadsticks, plus desserts!!!
    .-= amanda´s last blog ..The Big Salad! =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i’m a huge seinfeld fan, but i don’t remember that one. i should track it down so i can watch it. =)

    oh yes, i’ve done that too, jammed stuff into the trash for the sole purpose of not being able to dig it out, that or shoving it down the garbage disposal.

    i’m sure if everyone was really drunk then they weren’t paying attention to your pizza eating. i’m sure you felt like the spotlight was on you though, right?

    ooh, i’ve never been to a cici’s but it sounds very dangerous. i can relate to your not wanting to go out with other people. i have felt like that before too. it’s so hard, but i bet you will get past it.

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  7. SirenOfFire
    26 April 2010, 9:48 pm

    Hmm….mine was when I ate an ENTIRE can of Pringles (The cheese flavored ones) I was really stressed out and in college away from home at the time.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i can easily see how that situation would bring on some serious emotional eating. i put on 20 lbs between the start of college and thanksgiving break!

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  8. Jenna
    26 April 2010, 9:56 pm

    A few months ago, I ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s in one sitting…without even setting the spoon down once. That’s far from the first time it’s happened. In high school, I would tell my parents that I was running off to CVS or the library for a quick sec, but would actually rush over to Publix and buy an ice cream pint. Oh and did I mention that during this one last incident…I was watching the Winter Olympics – AKA insane healthy athletes – the whole time? Yuup. And I told myself that it’s wasn’t that bad, because I went with the frozen yogurt version! Still 680 calories consumed in about 12 minutes. yeeecks!

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  9. Ameena
    26 April 2010, 11:43 pm

    Once on a trip to Pakistan I was too scared to eat anything for fear of getting sick but I was so starving that I finally hit McDonald’s for some french fries. And then my sister-in-law ate them without asking! I was so unbelievably ticked off that I totally went off without thinking about how ridiculous I sounded.

    I wish the worst thing I’ve done is eat a pizza crust. Seriously though, it isn’t as bad as you think it is! 🙂
    .-= Ameena´s last blog ..Jet Lag =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for sharing your french fry story.
    eating the pizza crust is the worst thing i’ve done in public with food. =) it was bad, but i’m over it. it was just something i wanted to share.

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  10. Kyle
    26 April 2010, 11:59 pm

    I can’t think of a specific occurrence of embarrassment. I know that, it has happened though, to be out to eat and come across a portion served to me that the whole table exclaimed in shock that it was simply to large to be eaten in a single sitting, but I ate it anyway. More sadly, when I saw it I didn’t think that much about it…not that it wasn’t a large portion, but certainly not a contest eating feat or anything. There was a point where showing off my eating was my only non-professional accomplishment I could claim. Hey, everyone..look at how many White Castle’s Kyle can eat…I was an occasional freak show. More shame than embarrassment I guess.
    .-= Kyle´s last blog ..Behold the power of cheese… =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i’m sure that gave you the attention you were craving. you probably felt like you were doing something that made you look special. thanks for sharing, kyle.

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  11. Bobbie @Anonymous Fat Girl
    27 April 2010, 8:41 am

    You are so brave to put this out there. I really mean that.

    I don’t know if I have any one moment that was embarrassing. Just my entire life eating. Whether it was numerous trips to the buffet, eating so fast that I would inevitably get food droppings on my clothes or eating in secret, they are all embarrassing to me. 🙁
    .-= Bobbie @Anonymous Fat Girl´s last blog ..The journey IS the reward & f— THAT =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, bobbie. it was totally embarassing, but as my goofy tagline says, you are only as sick as your secrets, and i want to let people know that they are not alone in the crazy things they do in regard to eating food.

    and i’m in the same boat, i’ve done tons of embarassing things when it comes to eating, this one i wrote about i think was the worst one in public. it just showed me how out of control obsessive my thoughts were, even though i was binge-free at the time.

    [Reply]

  12. Sagan
    27 April 2010, 8:56 am

    One of my most embarrassing food moments (which is kind of a recurring thing, but one which I AM getting better at), is canceling on going out to eat with friends OR saying “no” when people ask me last minute if I want to go out to eat, because I’ve compulsively overeaten earlier in the day. I don’t usually tell people WHY I “can’t” go out with them, but I’ve taken to telling my boyfriend about it. Nowadays, he asks me if I’ll be eating dinner with him etc closer to the time. It’s sweet, because him being so understanding about it helps me to do it much LESS. Every time that we get to eat together, it’s a small victory, and it’s nice to share that with him. He knows that it’s a big deal if I can eat with him without being ashamed or anxious or whatever. Talking about it with other people definitely is an important step to success.
    .-= Sagan´s last blog ..How to figure out your own personal style =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i can definitely understand where you are coming from, sagan. i remember feeling the same way. though sometimes, i was happy go out and shovel even more food down.

    i think it is so great that you and your boyfriend have this awesome plan down. kudos to you for sharing and and good for him to being so understanding. each meal together is definitely a victory. =)

    [Reply]

    Shannon Reply:

    Last weekend I was in this situation (last-minute dinner invite post-binge), and I decided to go to the dinner. I ate a normal meal with my friends and felt like I was going to EXPLODE. This has happened to me before, and if I tried to eat light or choose salad, everyone would comment on how I’m always making the healthiest choices, which made me feel like garbage!
    .-= Shannon´s last blog ..Race Report: 2010 Cherry Blossom 10-mile Run =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i can totally relate to the situation, as i have done the same. and right, if i ate light, i would have felt like a hypocrite.

    thanks for sharing that with us, shannon.

    [Reply]

  13. Biz
    27 April 2010, 11:07 am

    While I can’t think of any embarrasing food moments myself, I couldn’t help but think of the Seinfeld episode after I read your post – the one where George takes an eclaire out of the garbage because only one bite had been taken out of it!

    Your friends advice was spot on – its in the past, let it go and move on. 😀
    .-= Biz´s last blog ..I am in training. . . =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    so funny that you are the second person to mention that seinfeld episode, but i only vaguely remember it. i really need to try to find it.

    i did let it go, but it was a real wake up call. i thought i was doing so great being binge-free, but clearly my mind hadn’t healed yet.

    [Reply]

  14. Margarita Tartakovsky
    27 April 2010, 1:28 pm

    Wow, what a powerful post. Thank you so much for your honesty. As you can see from the comments, you’re definitely not alone. In one way or another, we’ve all been there.

    The good thing is that you can recognize that you’re still struggling with obsessive thoughts. It’s a situation that you can learn from. Healing takes time, and it’s a process. Recovery, like life, has its ups and downs, but it’s good that you processed the experience. And again let what happened be a learning experience.
    .-= Margarita Tartakovsky´s last blog ..Recovering from Compulsive Eating: One Blogger’s Story =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks! yes, when this happened a year ago i learned from it and i feel like i’m learning from it again now as i’m kind of reliving it by writing about it.

    [Reply]

  15. Jody - Fit at 52
    27 April 2010, 1:50 pm

    That certainly was “a sharing thing”! BUT, think how many others out there totally related to it & you helped them realize that it was what it was, it was a learning experience. I loved what your friend said, about it is done, move on. That is what people need to keep in mind when one day or even one “treat” makes them feel it is time to give up. The all or nothing thing does not work. Just get back to business & you did!

    By the way, I love the crust too & always get a bite of my hubby’s crust. I also am an end piece of bread lover!!! 🙂
    .-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Push-Ups – All Kinds! Great Overall Body Work! =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    yes, what my friend said to me resonated from that day forward. she’s a smart cookie! yumm… cookie! lol!

    [Reply]

  16. Diane Fit to the Finish
    27 April 2010, 2:14 pm

    Believe me you are not alone in that! I used to grab the kids biscuits out of the trash if they were gingerly placed on top. And I wasn’t above eating all of their candy from birthday party goody bags and then innocently saying, “I have no idea where 6 pounds of candy went!!”

    Your friend gave you good advice – move forward.
    .-= Diane Fit to the Finish´s last blog ..How To Cook And Still Stay On Plan =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for sharing, diane, clearly i am not alone. i have moved forward, thank goodness!

    [Reply]

  17. POD
    27 April 2010, 3:08 pm

    The post reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George took a half-eaten donut out of a trash can.
    I’m sure I’ve had numerous embarrassing eating moments though I’m too much of a wimp to write about them. 😉
    .-= POD´s last blog ..Forgetting to Remember =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i have got to see that episode! i hope it’s on youtube!

    [Reply]

  18. CatLoverinCA
    27 April 2010, 4:06 pm

    When I was in college, I went to Mrs. Fields and bought a baker’s dozen of their chocolate chip cookies. And it comes in a big bag, not those little individual size ones… so I scarfed down around 10 of them and then I forced myself to eat the other 3 because I couldn’t bring home 3 in a big bag, someone would know I ate the rest of it.

    OMG, that felt SO bad afterward. It was YEARS before I went back to a Mrs. Fields. And you know what? A few years ago I went back and had a cookie there (oatmeal raisin–don’t really care for chocolate chip anymore) and realized I don’t like their cookies–they’re too rich for my tastes nowadays…

    PS if you eat kind of unconsciously while studying, I found out on another occasion what NOT to nosh on. I ate a whole bag of prunes and it was NOT GOOD! Oh my… Even when I was bulimic and abused laxatives, it wasn’t as violent as eating a whole bag of prunes!

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for sharing your story. while i don’t recall doing that, i could easily have envisioned myself doing something exactly like that. how funny that you went back years later for an oatmeal raisin cookie and didn’t think it was so great anymore.

    oh man, a whole bag of prunes must have been brutal!

    [Reply]

  19. Yum Yucky
    28 April 2010, 11:17 am

    Hmmm. Not sure I have an embarrassing food moment (besides food falling out of mouth, on clothes, walking ’round with crumbs on face at office, etc), but I would have picked that crust out the trash too. Food trash is sanity for at least 2-minutes, depending on how positioned in trash can.
    .-= Yum Yucky´s last blog ..Tasting! Chobani Champions Kids Greek Yogurt =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    lol! thanks for letting me know i’m not the only one who would do something so weird. =)

    [Reply]

  20. Holly
    30 April 2010, 4:49 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I think to some extent, we’ve all had moments like this. And it helps when we share them, because we all feel more “normal” – and that we CAN get over this. I don’t have one moment specifically, but I can’t TELL you how many times I was so ashamed to buy my “binge” food at the gas station or drug store, and have them make a comment like, “You’re eating ALL THAT?” or “Gosh, aren’t you hungry!” I am not trying to sound dramatic, but in those moments, I really felt almost like a drug addict who was so ashamed of her addiction.
    .-= Holly´s last blog ..Focusing on the Positive =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    geez, i can’t beleve people would be so rude as to make comments about what you were buying!!!! but i too have bought tons of stuff at one place and wondered if they thought i was going to eat it all myself and hoped they couldn’t see through me and realize that i was in fact going to eat it all. i totally understand your shame as i have felt the same way too many times to count.

    [Reply]

  21. HereticPrincess
    30 April 2010, 7:05 pm

    My mom told me today that while on vacation she bought the ENTIRE stock of angel food cake loaves at a store she was at…people were saying things like “she took all the angel food cake” lol! She’s so silly.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    oh my!

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    HereticPrincess Reply:

    She has no troubles with food that I know of, though she loves to eat the same thing day in and day out (did so all through her school years) maybe some compulsive tendencies I don’t know. 🙂

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    maybe they are just foods that are comfortable to her. i still eat some things pretty much every day.

  22. love2eatinpa
    05 June 2010, 8:54 am

    i’m not affiliated with any other online websites, but i know that through search engines some of my posts come up. why?

    [Reply]

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