Is My Food Obsession Lessening It’s Grip?

Wow, I can’t believe that these words are about to come out of my mouth, so to speak, but I recently had kind of an “ah-ha” moment — I realized that food is a little bit less important to me right now. Not a whole lot less, maybe only 10% or so, but a little bit less nontheless. Can after over 30+ years of obsessing over food and giving into these obsessions with binging, could I really be turning a corner where the food obsession is letting go of it’s grip on me a little bit? I don’t know if this feeling is fleeting or long term, but man it feels good.

Though I think I’ve been building to this ephiphany over the last week or two, the ah-ha moment came Saturday night when I was out on a “date” with my husband. They had messed up the salad I ordered a couple of times and while that upsetting, I was more focused on our conversation than being upset that my food wasn’t right and that I couldn’t eat it. Then when the decadent dessert we ordered came out for us to share, I had some (and wow, it was really good!) but the dessert just didn’t have the appeal or all-consuming-ness that it normally does. That’s when it hit me that food had lost some of it’s importance to me.

How can this be? There are a few things in play right now that I think are causing this slight change of my mindset:

1. My therapist rocks. He specializes in compulsive behaviors and is himself a recovering compulsive overeater. Who better to talk to than someone who truly knows where you are coming from and has the education to help get you through it? Though I have lamented before that he doesn’t necessarily come out and give me the answers that I’m seeking (us A-types hate that!), he makes me dig deep and think so that I figure things out by myself. He helps me to link things from my childhood to my current life and all the years in between. He has talked to me about awareness and how if I expand other parts of my life and brain, that logically, the part of my brain that gives attention to food will get smaller.

2. This blog has been amazing to get all these crazy food thoughts out of my head and on to paper. Reading other peoples blogs with eating disorders and getting comments back from you guys has been insprational to me. In addition, this blog takes up a lot of my time, which i think is part of the ‘needing other things in my life” expansion that my head needed.

3. Concepts I’ve been digesting from books and the therapist about nurturing myself, lettting go, not framing foods as forbidden fruit have all been helpful as well.

Will this food obsession/compulsion that is slowly letting go of me continue? Well, that remains to be seen as I can only live one day at a time. But the future is looking more hopeful in my recovery, that is for sure.

One day at a time. Nurture myself. Awareness. Letting Go.

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