I’m Getting Grounded, in a Good Way, Part 2

So to continue with where I left off yesterday explaining how my therapist helped to give me the grounding that I needed…

Again, in no particular order…

He said to focus on one event at a time and to not make the assumption that whatever happened last time, will happen again. I need to reign in my projections that if I binge once, then I will automatically keep bingeing. I would be giving myself less credit to what I’ve already accomplished.

He suggested meditating about it beforehand and envision/think – the food may taste good, but what does it do my body (clog arteries, make my stomach upset, cause weight gain, etc.)? The desserts do nothing good for my body except taste good for 10 seconds.

He suggested trying a self-hypnotic technique before going to an event where a dessert buffet will be. He said to picture any and every dessert that I can think of that I like and tell myself that the desserts don’t matter to me. Doing this could desensitize myself to the importance of it.

HOWEVER, we agreed that there was nothing wrong with finding pleasure in great-tasting food, but he suggested that tastes of food are really all that is necessary. Science shows, and we all know, that the first bite of anything is the best, the most explosive. The brain knows that the second and third bites aren’t going to taste any better.(For SO many years, I have chased the perfect bite of something. While bingeing, if the first bite wasn’t as good as I expected, I thought for sure the second bite would be better and so on until I stuffed myself sick looking for this elusive amazing bite.)

He said that the key is in grounding. When I’m home or even at a restaurant, I feel grounded. But at any occasion where there is a buffet of food, I’m outside my self, ungrounded. Making myself feel grounded around the buffets is the key, so I don’t feel out of control.

We basically got it down to the fact that I had two choices when going to these events where there would be buffets of dessert available.

1. First is I could go in with the mindset that I will not partake at all. I have done this in the past by putting a piece of mint chewing gum in my mouth. My mouth was busy with something sweet and let’s face it, nothing tastes good/right after you spit out your gum. (of course I totally forgot my own trick last week – duh!!!)

2. Going in the other direction,I can be choice-ful. I can plan to taste/enjoy some of the desserts, within my parameters, and I will therefore be grounded instead of feeling frenzied.

He also recommended that I take stock more, of all that I’ve been doing. I’ve been re-writing history with my actions, which is something I should be proud of.

The frenzied feeling is replicating something that happened in my life before, where I wasn’t properly comforted. We talked about how the desserts bring instant gratification, gratifications that I never had growing up. So pretty much every time I get crazy over dessert, I am doing it because of something that happened in my past, a coping mechanism I put into place over 30 years ago. So why in the world would I want to binge today over something that happened to me when I was a kid?

As luck would have it, I get to put this all to the test in a couple of hours. We have a sad family event to go to that is notorious for having tons of desserts, because that is what everyone brings. But you know what, while yes, I have thought about it, I’m not in a panic about. I feel much more relaxed going in. I will only be there for an hour or so, I feel comfortable knowing it’s a short duration. I will choose to either stick a piece of gum in my mouth or I will, in a choice-ful way, decide to allow myself tastes of desserts that I love. I will not make these things forbidden. I will try my best to not let desserts have power over me. I will try to remember that stuffing myself with dessert tonight will not change what my mother or father said/did to me years ago.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

[Slashdot] [Digg] [Reddit] [del.icio.us] [Facebook] [Technorati] [Google] [StumbleUpon]

Comments

30 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Ameena
    11 March 2010, 6:23 pm

    I always tell myself that desserts only taste good for a few seconds…and then it’s over. The law of diminishing returns has saved me a whole lot of calories. That and my grandmother telling me, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. Kind of funny, right?

    I know you will do well tonight…I agree that nothing should be forbidden. You will do well!!
    .-= Ameena´s last blog ..Another trip to the dentist… =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    it’s great that you use your mantra and your grandmothers! i wish that i could have mottos that i could truly call upon in the middle of all the temptation that really worked.

    [Reply]

  2. Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42
    11 March 2010, 6:52 pm

    I’m sorry there’s a sad family event. I hope the get-together is comforting.

    I usually don’t think about what the junk food will do to me until after I’ve indulged. I like the meditation techniques.

    And, YES! The first bite is the best. I noticed that, too.
    .-= Gina Fit by 41 Maybe 42´s last blog ..A Torrid Affair =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, gina, the get together was comforting.
    i’m the same way, in the heat of eating the junk food, the last thing on my mind is what the food is doing to me on the inside. i’m only thinking about how good it tastes. that was a great thing for the therapist to tell me as i would have never thought of it that way.

    [Reply]

  3. karen@fitnessjourney
    11 March 2010, 7:13 pm

    This was such an interesting post. I learned so much.
    .-= karen@fitnessjourney´s last blog ..What’s Age Got to Do With it? =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, karen! and thanks for stopping by too! 🙂

    [Reply]

  4. Lisa
    11 March 2010, 7:30 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this. Great useful information. I hope your family thing tonight goes well. Sad feeling combined with food can be very difficult….

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    your so welcome! every little nugget that we can grab onto helps, doesn’t it? and yes, something sad is a very easy excuse for emotional overeating.

    [Reply]

  5. amanda
    11 March 2010, 9:30 pm

    I am planning to use some of this advice when I am on vacation next week. I would love not to binge eat if I go to any buffets (which probably will do at least one)
    .-= amanda´s last blog ..Wastin’ away again in Margaritaville =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i’m so glad you found something helpful in there! you’ll have to let me know what worked for you, amanda.

    [Reply]

  6. tanya
    11 March 2010, 11:01 pm

    It sounds like it’s Not the food at a buffet that causes you to want to binge, but the feeling you get when you are near a buffet. (the feeling of being out of control, or lot’s of people around you )What ever causes you to feel uncomfortable makes you want to binge to feel good to get rid of that uncomfortable feeling.
    Do you feel unhappy,left out,not getting enough attention or not feeling like you are as good as those around you in those gatherings? So when you feel that way you compasate by wanting to binge to get rid of those unhappy feelings and let Food swallow those bad feelings and give you instant gratification?

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    you are very perceptive, tanya! it’s actually a little of all of those things. some times it’s defnitely the desserts cuz i do love them and sometimes i do feel uncomfortable in certain situations because i lack self-esteem. all of that stems from my childhood. in the heat of the moment, i’m not aware that i’m bingeing because of those things, but via therapy i do understand that that is the reason why, and i need to remind myself of that before i get into the food.

    [Reply]

  7. Victoria
    12 March 2010, 8:49 am

    I too have always chased that elusive best bite and am disappointed. I am learning now that if i don’t like the first bite, I am not going to like the next so don’t waste the time, calories or guilt over it! I have learned to throw things away. I keep hearing my parents say its wasteful but at this point in my life, I would rather be wasteful than eat something that i get no enjoyment out of, it adds no real nutritional value to my day and it makes me feel guilty or sick for eating it. Sometimes we need to just clear out the tapes in our head. They too add “no nutritional value to my day”!

    I want you to know that I am so glad that I found your blog. It, and the comments made by others is an inspiration to me. Reading it first thing in the morning helps give my day a positive tone. It lifts my spirit and makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. Thank you!

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    wow, victoria, good for you for putting that concept into play! i have just recently started tossing a dessert if it didn’t taste as good as it looked and it’s quite empowering. yes, i feel bad wasting fod, but i think the benefit is more important to me than the wastefulness. and i love you phrase of clearing out “the tapes in our head,” that is a great way of putting it! they are old and negative energy. easier said than done to get rid of them, but i think it can be done.

    you are sweet, thanks so much for your kind words about my blog! it is therapeutic for me and the thoughtful comments inspire me as well.

    [Reply]

  8. Lara
    12 March 2010, 1:00 pm

    He sounds like such an awesome therapist. You are very lucky to have found someone that really gets the eating stuff. I find so much of what he says to be very useful and applicable. It is so true the first bite is the best. Desserts are my “last frontier” of food I have trouble with at times and I try to remind myself of that first bite thing

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, lara, i am very lucky to have found this guy. i don’t think a “normal eater” therapist would totally understand.
    as far as bingeing on desserts, we know all the right things to do, but it’s having the wherewithal in the heat of the moment (the craving) to make the right choice.

    [Reply]

  9. Holly
    12 March 2010, 3:15 pm

    I’m so sorry for whatever sad family event you are going through right now. 🙁

    I LOVE the idea of meditating before hand. I’m going to try this, actually. And how true is that about chasing the first bite? I know it sounds funny…but it kind of reminds me of how they always say drug addicts chase the first high. The first time it feels so good, but it never tops that feeling. Wow – I’ve never thought of it that way!

    Thank you again so much for sharing this. It’s given me much to think about. 🙂
    .-= Holly´s last blog ..Rock Climbing =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for your condolences, holly.
    and wow, i never thought of relating that first bite high to drugs, but you are totally right!
    i’m glad that my therapist is helping you too. 🙂

    [Reply]

  10. Jonathan
    12 March 2010, 4:52 pm

    Hi. Yes – I can empathise. Its the binge eaters worse nightmare.

    I am currently organising a tea dance once a month and every time the ladies who go bring the most amazing cakes. Its especially difficult for me as I have asked them to bring something along – so I feel a sense of obligation 🙂

    Im still struggling with the answer. Last time my tactic was to try and just eat the savoury elements of the buffet (pizza, quiche etc). I find that if I eat the cakes its like main lining sugar – all self control goes!

    Im one of these people who likes to have a bit of everything. So I try to focus on having a bit of everything SAVOURY. Its not the best solution obviously, but it seemed to work last time 🙂

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    yikes, that must be so hard knowing you have to face that on a regular schedule, jonathan! however, you probably have a pretty good idea of what all the food will be, so it does give you a good way to practice to see what tactic works best for you. having a bit of the really delish things is a good thing cuz that first bite is always the best, so you get a bunch of excellent bites.
    thanks for stopping by!

    [Reply]

  11. Jody - Fit at 52
    12 March 2010, 7:12 pm

    I like that you have options on how to deal with it all… I have also been told by people about keeping a low or no cal drink in your hand to keep the hands full so you are not tempted to 2 hand it! :-O

    On to your next post to see how it went!
    .-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Protein & Protein Powder Recipes =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    yes, i like the options too jody. i think it would be too restrictive to say i couldn’t have any desserts ever.
    i’ve done that too, held/guzzled a drink while at one of these things so i always have something to do with my hands and to put in my mouth.

    [Reply]

  12. Diana
    12 March 2010, 9:22 pm

    Thanks for sharing! You have given us a lot to think about 🙂
    .-= Diana´s last blog ..Relay for Life =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    your wecome! i hope it turns out to be helpful for you.

    [Reply]

  13. Jess
    13 March 2010, 12:58 pm

    Like I commented in the previous entry (Part 1), this speaks to me and helps a lot to understand.

    Good stuff–hope you don’t mind if I pingback through my journal. I kind of want to print it out for my own review later, when I’m struggling with abstinence and am finding that I’m forgetting the purpose of being abstinent.

    My abstinence is a means to help me be sane enough to open myself to a new spiritual experience, where I’m living instead of eating to avoid living. It’s funny that when something that seems so logical to normal eaters becomes a learning experience for a compulsive eater. Like I forget that I’m not a normal eater and then I assume my compulsion is “normal”.

    I’m not unhappy that I’ll never be normal. I was, at first, but I accept (now) that I have to live every day knowing I am a food addict. Accepting this truth allows me to consciously treat life with the importance it deserves. While sometimes I wish it was more convenient, I know that if I am challenged, I will grow.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i know what you mean, embracing the disorder was very important to me too and has certainly helped me to learn a lot about myself.

    [Reply]

  14. Bobbie @Anonymous Fat Girl
    13 March 2010, 4:06 pm

    How INCREDIBLY interesting about the first bite thing. You know, the more I think about it, the more I tend to agree. Thank you for sharing this information.
    .-= Bobbie @Anonymous Fat Girl´s last blog ..A story about self worth & some blogs I like =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    you’re so welcome! i hope it helps you. sometimes the smallest nugget of info gives us an ah-ha moment, and i know we are all searching for those.

    [Reply]

  15. Kaia
    14 March 2010, 9:27 am

    “He said to focus on one event at a time and not to make the assumption that whatever happened last time will happen again.”

    Duh. But WOW. Those words were really helpful and clear to me. We give up so much of our power sometimes. Of course we can choose a different outcome this time! Thanks for bringing this more clearly to my awareness. I love nuggets such as these – so thanks for sharing!
    .-= Kaia´s last blog ..Day 27 =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i’m glad that was a good nugget for you, kaia. you never know what small group of words are going to really resonate. he said that it’s very common for compulsive eaters to do that – look ahead and think every time we will repeat our behaviors, but that we have the power to try to stop that.
    thanks for stopping by!

    [Reply]

Leave a Reply:

Name *

Mail (hidden) *

Website

CommentLuv badge