Our family went out to dinner on last night. When I go out to dinner with my husband, friends or family, I always order a salad, which I wrote about my reasoning behind why I do that here.
Well, since I ate a salad for lunch yesterday, I decided to take, what probably seems ridiculous to most of you, but a big step for me, I ordered “regular” food.
I started with a side salad, then got a meal of broiled scallops, baked potato and veggies du jour (which actually included corn, one of the few veggies I like!).
So for the first time since I started on my quest to be binge-free over 2 years ago, I ordered non-rabbit food for dinner. Even my daughter said incredulously – “you didn’t get a salad!?!?” Ugh, how sad is that!?!?!
So I only ate roughly half of my meal, plus I ate some of the cheese off of my daughter’s personal pizza and took one french fry from my son’s plate.
I was quite pleased with myself as I have had a fear all this time that if I ordered ‘normal’ food I would not be able to have the whole plateful of food in front of me and be able to stop eating when I’ve had enough. When I order salad, I know that I can eat every morsel. So yay! A small victory for me!
I even finished off my son’s ice cream sundae with no regrets, as dessert. And the other day I took my kids for water ice and actually joined them in getting something. Normally I would have looked over the water ice place’s nutritional info ahead of time and would know in advance which item (with the lowest calories of course!) I was going to choose, if I was going to get anything at all. But I didn’t this time. I ate a small water ice treat like a normal person. I didn’t look up the calories when I got home either. I didn’t care. I ate when I was hungry and just trusted myself and my body.
I know this stuff all sounds silly, but it is so huge for me. I’m feeling “normal”!
Though I admit to doing a little bit of tallying in my head at dinner to make sure I didn’t go crazy, I did not hit my computer the minute we walked in the door to see how many calories I consumed (nor did I tally them later). My gosh, it is so liberating to be able to do that!
And oh, I just looked at the calendar and realized that today is the 4-week of anniversary of no calorie counting and weighing/measuring food!! Woohoo! If you would have told me six months ago I would be doing this, I would have laughed in your face.
Anyway, just wanted to share this little victory, because I was pretty happy about it. Each day that goes by, I get a little more confident and it’s such a great feeling. I pray that it continues. I’m still a work in progress, but one that is making progress.
One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body