How I Told My Husband I was a Compulsive Overeater, Part II

Once again, from the archives…

Here is a continuation, part 2, of the letter I gave to my husband upon discovering that I was a compulsive overeater close to two years ago.

I do eat because I’m hungry. In fact, as you may know, I don’t like feeling hungry. But there are many times that hunger has nothing to do with it. I eat because I love how the sweets, doughy, or sometimes salty, foods taste. I become out of control and have a single-minded purpose of eating more even though I’m not hungry and may already be full. I just can’t seem to stop myself.

I’ve tried to explain to you that once I start eating junk, something in my brain switches on and I go into an eating frenzy. When I overeat, I feel disgusted with myself afterwards and vow to stop, but each day, each hour, each minute is a challenge. Some days I am successful at eating sensibly and at the end of the night I feel like I’ve accomplished a little victory. Other days, the “switch” flicks on and I’m out of control. I try not to let you or the kids see me when I’m in the middle of a frenzy because it’s disgusting and embarrassing.

While during those few golden years I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, I had great willpower, was really on-point with my eating and I was comfortable with my body. That willpower has since left me for the most part. I overeat when I’m stressed; I overeat when I’m restless and don’t know what to do with myself. I overeat when there is a lot of deserts available to me, such as at a function or party. I’d rather eat sweets than talk to people sometimes. Ok, it’s more than sometimes. In cases like those, my main focus, even while I’m speaking with someone, is – when can I go back to the desert table?

In any situation where I am compulsively overeating, in my head I keep saying to myself – stop, you’ve had enough! I eat another one. And then it goes to – ok, this is the last one, and I eat another one. Then it’s – ok, THIS is the last one, and I eat another one. Then it’s – ok, this is REALLY the last one, and I eat another one. This usually goes on until I feel physically ill and/or physically uncomfortable, and sometimes I still don’t stop even though my body is clearing telling me I’ve had enough.

I will post the final part of the letter within the next few days.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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Comments

14 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. billybobjohnny
    14 October 2009, 8:00 am

    Unfortunately, this is an issue that is oftentimes overlooked. I commend this person for being brave enough to talk about this “addiction” and I hope it can help others to realize if they have a problem and that there are ways to deal with it. Keep up the good work!

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  2. Rita
    30 March 2010, 9:42 pm

    It’s really quite remarkable how similar all our stories are, the whys may be different but the manifestation is so much the same. Especially that part about how you’d rather eat than talk with people, so been there, wow. Thanks for sharing this.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i’ve probably said this before, rita, i’m sorry that you are a fellow sufferer, but i’m glad that my coming-out-to-my-husband letter resonates with you so much. while it sucks that we both (so many people!) have this eating disorder, there is comfort in knowing we are not alone, don’t you think, that you are not the only one who had/has these crazy thoughts.

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  3. Jill
    30 March 2010, 9:53 pm

    Bravo! Onto part three… 🙂

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks! =)

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  4. JOdy - Fit at 52
    30 March 2010, 10:32 pm

    Just wanted you to know I have been crazed & want to spend time on your 2 posts so will reread tomorrow & comment.. J
    .-= JOdy – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Fat vs. Muscle – A Personal Visual =-.

    [Reply]

  5. My Lipstick Life
    30 March 2010, 11:24 pm

    Ahh, it all sounds so familiar – so sad 🙁 Glad to know I’m not alone though…
    .-= My Lipstick Life´s last blog ..The Little Things =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    as sad as it is, there is definitely comfort in knowing we are not alone. together we can help each other get through this! i truly, for so many years, thought i was the only one. when i first started going to OA meetings, it was shocking to me how many other people had the same crazy feelings about food that i did.

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  6. Diane
    31 March 2010, 6:36 am

    oh the self talk- I can so relate – this is really the last one is sometimes followed by – well I am going to eat them all anyway so why not do it now. You are so right, it hurts… not just mentally, not just on the scale but physically. Anytime I feel myself thinking to judge someone who hurts themselves – like kids that cut for instance – I realize I do the same thing but with food.

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    love2eatinpa Reply:

    oh gosh, diane, the conversations that used to (and still even as i’m recovering) go on in my head are just insane. i would be put away somewhere if others knew how much time and focus i spent on thinking about food.
    it’s wonderful that you can spread that compassion to those with other addictions!

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  7. Jody - Fit at 52
    31 March 2010, 8:37 am

    I read both posts on this. It is really an interesting look into this disease for hand. Thank you so much for sharing & I know helping others!!!!!
    .-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Maintaining Weight at Middle Age & Beyond =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, jodi, like i said, this is how i ‘came out’ to my husband, spilling my guts. it was such a huge catharasis (sp?) and is what started me on the road to embracing this eating disorder and recovery. and thanks, i hope i’m helping others somehow, even if it’s just in relating to know they are not alone.

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  8. Sagan
    31 March 2010, 4:06 pm

    I am so grateful to you for sharing the letter with us. It’s good to know that we’re not alone. Getting it out there in the open and being honest with ourselves and others is the way to really get the ball rolling.
    .-= Sagan´s last blog ..The Living Healthy in the Real World Guide to Budgeting: Part One: Understanding Your Expenses =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for your support, sagan!

    [Reply]

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