While I’m away on vacation, I thought I would run some of my very first posts which would be great for me to see where I came from, and hopefully interesting for you to read as well.
I’m not quite sure where to begin. I didn’t know I was a compulsive overeater until close to two years ago. I thought all the sweets (among other things) that I filled my face with were merely due to a sweet tooth and a love of doughy, sugary food items. I didn’t realize that I was in fact binging or had a food addiction. When this realization hit me at the end of 2007, I poured out my heart to my husband in a letter. It was a huge catharsis for me. I cried off and on for days. Here is the beginning of the letter. I thought it would be a good way to start this blog. As I don’t want to bore everyone with a manifesto, I will publish the rest of the letter over the next few days. Here goes:
Hi Honey, I need to share something with you, about me, which I have recently admitted to myself. This is not easy for me, to admit that I have a problem, a weakness, which I can’t seem to get control of.
You and I have casually mentioned in the past that I have food issues. If I had to guess, I would say that you think my food issue is about my counting calories and weighing food. (I have come to learn that in actuality, my counting calories is a good tool that successful dieters use, but that is not the point here.) When I went to see the chiropractor about my lower back/knee a few months ago, I gave him the readers digest version of my weight issues, how I have gained 10-12 pounds over the past couple of years, etc. You’d think someone who worked out four days a week like me would not be gaining weight but I told him briefly that I have eating issues. The doctor said to me – you do know that you need to get some help for those issues, don’t you? I of course yes-yes’d him but knew I wouldn’t follow through because well, I didn’t really have a problem, I could handle it.
Well, apparently I can’t. I’m not sure what sparked my realization, but after doing some research I have come to grips with a sad fact about myself. I am a compulsive overeater. It’s something that I’ve done for most of my life except for the few years between having our daughter and when our son was a toddler, when I was losing weight and eating sensibly. I have a problem and I need help. I can’t seem to help myself anymore, both literally and figuratively. I know when you think of someone who compulsively overeats you picture someone who spends their day in the drive-thru line at fast food restaurants and weighs over 300 pounds. As my on-line research has indicated, that is not always the case.
One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body
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22 October 2009, 9:38 am
You go girl! I look forward to following your blog…you know how much I love reading your work anyway!
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22 October 2009, 9:47 am
thanks so much! i appreciate your support.
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22 October 2009, 9:59 am
of course gf!
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29 March 2010, 9:18 pm
I had to come to grips with this too but I have always believed I could overcome on my own (with the help of God!) I look forward to reading what conclusions you come to as I follow your letter. Thanks for your courage!
.-= My Lipstick Life´s last blog ..The Little Things =-.
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love2eatinpa Reply:
March 30th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
i hope that your efforts to overcome is working. it’s really tough, isn’t it?
thanks for stopping by!
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30 March 2010, 1:54 pm
I love the way you describe the addiction as “eating issues”. Have read 2 of your postings and having accepted that I am a compulsive overeater I appreciate you sharing candidly so many facts about your recovery plans. Thank you
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love2eatinpa Reply:
March 30th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
as crazy as it sounds, i think at the time i wrote the letter, belinda, i really didn’t know i had an eating addiction. i just thought they were “issues.”
anyway, i’m glad that some of my posts are resonating with you and my honesty is a big part of my recovery. for me, there is no other way.
i’m glad you dropped by!
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30 March 2010, 2:50 pm
How brave of you to tell him. I know Craig thinks I have a *big* appetite, but I don’t think he’s aware I have a real problem…
Looking forward to the rest of this post!
.-= Patsy´s last blog ..Fancy a Quickie? =-.
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love2eatinpa Reply:
March 30th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
thanks, patsy, that letter was written when i was first coming to grips with this whole eating disorder thing.
that’s interesting that craig doesn’t know you have an eating disorder. i think my husband just thought i had a sweet tooth and a big appetite too. =)
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30 March 2010, 8:53 pm
Hi! It’s been a while since I’ve checked in here, but I look forward to reading the rest of the letter.
.-= Jill´s last blog ..SirenOfFire: @SwagBucks I have a lot of favorites. =-.
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love2eatinpa Reply:
March 30th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
hope you are well, jill.
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27 April 2010, 8:59 am
[...] first thing I did was write a very long letter to my husband explaining what I had learned about myself while Googling that night. I told him my crazy food [...]
28 November 2010, 8:45 pm
Thanks for your blog. I’ve just started reading it… after polishing off a box of Golden Oreos, 6 homemade rolls, a box of lemon cookies, sweet potato casserole, macaroni and cheese, and who knows what else. I’m almost 44. I have 8 kids. I’m not fat… today anyway. (although I”m on the upswing) I teach 10 fitness classes a week. And I’m so discouraged that I get closer to a fist full of pills every day. Is there any hope? I see none. I”ve succombed to God many times over. And yet I always end up in the same place. Or worse. Thank you for sharing. And thank you for listening.
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love2eatinpa Reply:
November 28th, 2010 at 9:01 pm
i can totally relate, except i did get heavy. there definitely is hope. definitely!!! please, go find yourself a good therapist or an eating disorder support group. all the eating is for a reason, you are stuffing down some event or emotions with food. it’s easier to eat them away than to deal with them. a good therapist can help pull it out of you and help you to the path of recovery. if i made it through, so can you!!!
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29 October 2011, 6:17 pm
Hi – I have just tuned into your blog as I am researching my own compulsive overeating disease. Weight issues have followed me my whole life, and finally at 44, and after failing yet another diet, I faced the fact that it’s not what I am eating, it’s what’s eating me that keeps the weight on me. I have found a therapist to guide me through overcoming issues, and have seen her once. My question for you is how do I know I have a good therapist? I’m a little nervous about putting all my intimate baggage out there for someone else to analyze, and honestly also a lot scared of uncovering why I eat all day long.
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love2eatinpa Reply:
October 29th, 2011 at 8:00 pm
first of all, congrats on making the huge step of realizing you have a problem and seeking help.
i totally understand where you are coming from. you really do need to get honest with yourself and the therapist in order to make progress. i think if you follow your gut instinct, you will know if you ‘click’ with a therapist. if the person does not ‘feel’ right to you, then they are not the right person for you.
i can understand your being scared of uncovering maybe some uncomfortable truths. but learning that truth and dealing with it in a constructive way will empower you and set you free from the food. imagine how fantastic that would be!?!?! nothing ventured, nothing gained., right? you are strong and you deserve to be happy, free from your ED.
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