How I Told My Husband I was a Compulsive Overeater -Part 2-reprint

Here is a continuation, part 2, of the letter I gave to my husband upon discovering that I was a compulsive overeater a little over two years ago.

I do eat because I’m hungry. In fact, as you may know, I don’t like feeling hungry. But there are many times that hunger has nothing to do with it. I eat because I love how the sweets, doughy, or sometimes salty, foods taste. I become out of control and have a single-minded purpose of eating more even though I’m not hungry and may already be full. I just can’t seem to stop myself.

I’ve tried to explain to you that once I start eating junk, something in my brain switches on and I go into an eating frenzy. When I overeat, I feel disgusted with myself afterwards and vow to stop, but each day, each hour, each minute is a challenge. Some days I am successful at eating sensibly and at the end of the night I feel like I’ve accomplished a little victory. Other days, the “switch” flicks on and I’m out of control. I try not to let you or the kids see me when I’m in the middle of a frenzy because it’s disgusting and embarrassing.

While during those few golden years I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, I had great willpower, was really on-point with my eating and I was comfortable with my body. That willpower has since left me for the most part. I overeat when I’m stressed; I overeat when I’m restless and don’t know what to do with myself. I overeat when there is a lot of deserts available to me, such as at a function or party. I’d rather eat sweets than talk to people sometimes. Ok, it’s more than sometimes. In cases like those, my main focus, even while I’m speaking with someone, is – when can I go back to the desert table?

In any situation where I am compulsively overeating, in my head I keep saying to myself – stop, you’ve had enough! I eat another one. And then it goes to – ok, this is the last one, and I eat another one. Then it’s – ok, THIS is the last one, and I eat another one. Then it’s – ok, this is REALLY the last one, and I eat another one. This usually goes on until I feel physically ill and/or physically uncomfortable, and sometimes I still don’t stop even though my body is clearing telling me I’ve had enough.

I will post the final part of the letter within the next few days.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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