Great Therapy Session

love2eatinpa, 26 December 2009, 2 comments
Categories: Uncategorized

I just saw my therapist the other day and had a really great session. While it frustrates me, as an A-type personality, that he doesn’t just come out and give me the black and white answers that I want, he always makes me dig deep into myself and really think about why I do things or feel things.

On the night of my appointment, our family was going to dinner at my sister-in-laws and the following day we were going to a holiday party, so one of the topics I brought up was my anxiety in going to someone’s home to hang out and eat. I told him that I didn’t know if I felt anxious because I would not be in control of the food and would be faced with a buffet of food that would be hard walk away from, or if it was just a matter that since I’ve been a SAHM for 10 years now and I work out of my home, that I have over the years become more introverted and just feel more comfortable in my own home.

So he really had me digging deeper to find out what the social anxiety stemmed from and I finally realized that it was because when I go to someone else’s house, I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself. And when I feel that way, I turn to the food because it is something for me to do. Ding ding ding!! Of course I feel that way a good chunk of the time I’m there, hence I’m always focusing on the food and not on the world that is going on around me. Basically, I’m missing life.

He made me see that food is my default mode, it’s easy to go to. He encourged me to notice more what is going on around me, just observe, notice and be curious. He challenged me, as a writer, to pretend, when I’m in these situations, that I’m writing a book about people and what they do, etc., and if I spend more time observing, noticing and living in the present that I will learn things about myself. My life will be filled with more quality not just rushing to get to the next thing. He always encourages me to just slow down. He wants me to own my own life back and to be the best me that I can be.

Another thing he strongly suggested to help with the slowing down and gaining quality is to mediate every day. Just for 10-15 minutes. He said I should first focus on my breathing and then just see what pops up in my head as I’m relaxing. He said I should just be curious about whatever comes up during this time, not look for solutions. Just take notice.

Lastly, we talked about the hynotherapy in my other blog Hypnotherapy blog. While my takeaway was that there is no quick fix, when he read it, what he thought was – if this worked for you before, it means I have it in me to feel the lack of compulsion again. Interesting to hear it from the point of view.

I continue to be a work in progress, one who is one week shy of two straight years of abstinence.

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2 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Jess
    27 December 2009, 12:42 pm

    A couple of things you figured out in therapy really resonated:

    “[When] I go to someone else’s house, I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself. And when I feel that way, I turn to the food because it is something for me to do. Ding ding ding!!”

    “[F]ood is my default mode, it’s easy to go to.”

    I think that’s been my issue with parties both before and after abstinence. Before abstinence, I tried to figure out how to sneak more of the foods I wanted from the party. I watched that food nest protectively, thinking about the next trip because it meant I didn’t have to reveal that I was a housewife. Sure I was a housewife who had been at my child’s side for a year through cancer–but people didn’t want to know cancer happens to toddlers, so that (still) gets glossed over to avoid bad feelings. I homeschooled, but that gets glossed over because most homeschooling parents are considered nutty and controversial and possible Communists. What’s left is being a compulsive-eating unpublished writer who is a bad housecleaner but who makes passable samosas (for a European-American) and desserts. Not exciting.

    Today, I think I worry more about offending people by not partaking than worrying I will “get enough”. I do tell people things are not in my food plan, and people seem to understand it (I guess since there are enough diets out there that have made “food plan” part of our American vocabulary). I am not afraid I’ll binge as much as lose abstention accidentally.

    I like your therapist’s solution (being a writer, also); next time I will do it.

    Thank you for sharing it, love2eatinpa!


    love2eatinpa Reply:

    oh man, i was the same way before abstinence, (and sadly it still happens now) but while at a party, that’s all i ever thought about – going back to the food table. i like how you coined it as a food nest, as though it was just mine and mine to take care of. it’s interesting that you already were aware of what you were trying to hide. you are ahead of the game! i had to learn through therapy, and still continue to learn, why i keep turning to the food.
    on another note, i’m so sorry to hear that your toddler suffered with cancer. i’m sure that was a horrendous nightmare for you.
    you’re much nicer than me, i never worry about offending anyone by not eating the particular dish that they brought. it’s perfect that you can say to people that something is not in your food plan.


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