Eating Popcorn at a Comedy Club

love2eatinpa, 17 October 2009, 2 comments
Categories: Eating Out
Tags: , , ,

Such as this sickness does to me, I’m already thinking about how I’m going to handle eating out at a comedy club a couple of weeks away. 

The last time we went there, they had baskets of  popcorn on each of the tables with endless refills from the waitress.  So for me, it was either have none or go to town.  There is no in between.  I went to town.  Was popcorn the worst thing to have a little too much of?  No.  It wasn’t like I was gorging on chocolate, put it was still eating food compulsively simply because it was there.  It’s the behavior, the principle of it.  When I got home, I had to do by best to guesstimate how many cups of it I scarfed down to get an idea of how many calories I consumed.  Lord forbid if I couldn’t count the calories so I knew what I consumed.

Ok, so now I know the popcorn will be there so I can plan accordingly.  I will skip dessert after dinner. I can research how many calories are in a cup of popcorn and then the question is, how do I measure it in front of our friends without looking like a complete kook.  After giving it way too much thought, I have decided to bring along a plastic solo cup, scoop the popcorn into the cup and keep track of how many cups I consume.  If they think I’m a kook, so be it.  I have to think of what is best for me first, right?  Maintaining my abstinence is paramount to my recovery.

I find it sadly ridiculous that I use even one brain cell to think about this.  I feel pathetic.  I feel like no-one else worries about this type of stuff, though I know through OA I’m not alone.  Still, I wish I just had a normal relationship with food and could just enjoy some popcorn (that didn’t come out of a microwave bag so I know exactly how many calories are in it) and be able to push it away after having a moderate amount just like most people do.  I am hopeful that maybe one day that will be the case.  Until then, I am just taking it day by day.

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Comments

2 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Laurie
    19 March 2010, 1:14 pm

    I stumpled on your blog today. I don’t even know what to say. I feel like I wrote it. Do you know what I mean? I find myself trying to explain to people how badly I wish I could just eat, and think about food, like a normal person. Nobody seems to quite ‘get it’. I go to the gym several times a week and I run constantly..many times a week, and to my boyfriend’s confusion, pounds creep on rather than off. Two days ago, I ate 5000 calories in one day. Who does that? And yet, the times I have tried to talk to people or talk to my doctor, I feel a bit ‘dismissed’, after all, I’m not fat. I’m 5′ 4″ and 122 pounds (today). I want to be 110. I work out so much and want it so bad, but that want is not powerful enough to stop me from pouring cornsrup right down my throat, or eating an entire family size bag of peanut M&M’s. I hide what I am eating all the time. I recently just started a blog so that I could start writing down what I am eating and thinking in hopes that would put things in perspective for me. Thank you for sharing this….I look forward to reading the entire blog front to back over the next few days.
    .-= Laurie´s last blog ..I consider yesterday a success… =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    hey laurie, i’m so glad you found my blog and i’m definitely going to check out yours soon.
    um, i’ve definitely eaten 5000 calories in a day, easily, many times. i totally know where you are coming from.
    not to sound flippant, but have you tried going to therapy? that has helped me a lot, helped me to learn why i have this eating disorder and has helped me to remain binge-free for 2+ years.
    keep in touch!

    [Reply]

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