Dessert Buffet Report Card

Well, there was some good and bad that happened last night at the dreaded dinner and dessert buffet.

Here is how I scored myself:

1. I ate a good amount of challah. I LOVE the guts of any kind of bread – the doughy knots of a pretzel and best of all, the insides of an uncut challah or roll. The crust of any breadstuff has no appeal to me whatsoever, I like the doughy insides. While I did eat it rather compulsively, it could have been much worse. (This is embarassing, but in the past I would have went to other tables where people had left, and ate their challah as well.) So because it is not something that I get to eat very often, I let my intuitive eating lessons take over and allowed myself to enjoy, without guilt, something that I truly enjoy. B+

2. I had two very small pieces, plus finished off my son’s piece, of chocolate chip cake. This is famous, not-to-be-missed, worth-very-calorie cake from a local baker. I could have totally gone to town on it, but did not. Ok, so I sat next to my son, telepathically telling him he was full so he would leave some on his plate for me to finish (and hey, it worked!), but he didn’t leave me much. The yearning to keep going back for more was there and I did lurk around the cake a little bit, but I didn’t dig in as I would have in a heartbeat in the past. All together, I probably ate one normal-sized piece, which is no big deal. Again, I go to the intuitive eating teachings of eating what you really enjoy, so I did, no regrets. B+

3. I tried three other little pastries. One I didn’t like, so I tossed it (yay me!), the other two I did like so I finished them. A for tossing and C for still trying to eat stuff even though I broke my plan of having two things – the challah and the cake.

4. Eating these things compulsively. C

5. Trying to once again use my telepathic skills to get my husband to turn his back or leave the room so I could go get more challah or cake – D. It’s ironic that I tell him ahead of time to please keep an eye on me so I don’t go crazy. He does his job and a part of me loves him for that, but the other part of me, while I’m enjoying the food and my body is craving more, is super pissed because he won’t turn his back or leave the room so I can sneak in some more. (My telepathic skills did not work on him. The force is strong with that one, unlike with my little guy. (pathetic Star Wars reference))

Because I had a small dinner, overall I went over in calories (by my best guesstimation) by about 250, which in the grand scheme of things is no big deal and I’m totally fine with it. I enjoyed some good treats (mostly in moderation) and well, life is short, so I ate them. There were A LOT of desserts to choose from, and in the past I would have totally gone to town eating them, so compared to 2+ years ago, I did really well.

While in the moment I definitely wanted to eat more, but once we left, those feelings were gone and it did not continue at home. So I remain binge-free. And oh, I realized that I forgot to put the bead that marks 26 months on my binge-free bracelet, so I did that this morning.

The two bigger beads in the middle are the yearly beads, the two on the ends each represent a month.

So looking back, in the big picture, while I definitely still felt/acted with compulsive behaviors, I really did ok, probably scoring about a B. I did not go overboard with my calories and I got to enjoy some very good eats in a somewhat controlled fashion. Most of all, I was able to reign myself in and not continue with my sugar/carb high when I got back home and I remained binge-free.

This all got me to thinking… these dessert buffets are really tough for me. So in the future, do I miss out on events by skippping them, thereby taking care of myself and leave no way for me to get into trouble OR do I keep going, enjoy some treats, but have it be a tough experience for me? I don’t want to miss special events or time with family, yet, it is stressful and anxiety-ridden for me before I go and while I am there. I know I need to learn better how to deal with them and do have some tools, but they seem to fly out the window when I’m in the presence of desserts. This frickin eating disorder!!

What would you do – skip events that you know are stressful and are conducive to bingeing, or go and just try to do your best? Do you think I was too easy or hard on myself?

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

[Slashdot] [Digg] [Reddit] [del.icio.us] [Facebook] [Technorati] [Google] [StumbleUpon]

Comments

34 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Diana
    06 March 2010, 7:23 pm

    I think you did an awesome job! It’s not bad to want…or more like you know you’ll always want, and you made corrections for thst. You use your hubby to empower yourself…even if at the time you see him as the enforcer. The telepathic ability doesn’t work (and you know it), so no harm no foul 🙂 I see it as a great sucess. I’m still not good with buffets (or left to my own devices).
    .-= Diana´s last blog ..Hiya =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, diana. i guess it’s not bad to want, but to be able to barely think of anything else besides the food (because of this damn eating disorder) really sucks.

    [Reply]

  2. Diana
    06 March 2010, 7:24 pm

    Since you’ve been binge free, have you always asked your hubby to help (like at home too), or is it just at buffets?
    .-= Diana´s last blog ..Hiya =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    whenever we go out and there is going to be food, i always share my “game plan” with him. sometimes he’s on top of me and other times he’s too busy socializing and i’m left to my own devices. i will also ask him to be vigilant when we are entertaining at our house. it’s really only for special occasions, not day-to-day stuff.

    [Reply]

  3. Michelle@Sugarwand
    06 March 2010, 8:07 pm

    I try to focus on the people and not the food totally. it’s a shift of focus which is hard at times. but you’ll notice the people who are enjoying their food are also enjoying those around them.
    .-= Michelle@Sugarwand´s last blog ..Sugar Wand =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    you are absolutely right, michelle, that is what my therapist says too. however, the shift of focus from food to people is REALLY hard for me. once the proverbial ‘switch’ goes off in my brain in a situation like that, my focus goes wholly and totally to the food. i’m still such a work in progress.

    [Reply]

  4. Ameena
    06 March 2010, 9:32 pm

    Buffets are so hard for me too! I get too overwhelmed with choices and I often end up eating way too much. I think you did a great job! Don’t grade yourself so harshly. Anybody would crumble (much worse that you!!) next to a sea of delicious desserts.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for the support, ameena. i just wish that the physical, tangible feeling i have around food in those situations could easily be turned off. but i guess that is part of this disorder and i will always have to work hard at putting on the brakes because i so don’t want to go back to a life on bingeing.

    [Reply]

  5. Jody - Fit at 52
    07 March 2010, 11:08 am

    I need to go back to your prior post which I missed BUT I don’t feel qualified to say if you were easy or hard on yourself since I don’t have an eating disorder so I have no idea if what you did is good or not good in those terms.

    Like you I LOVE the desserts. The sweets have always been my prob, not regular food… well, that and bread. I love bread too BUT I love the crust & end pieces as well & luckily now I like it more without butter than with butter! 🙂

    Anyway, what I do like is that you are AWARE! There is no fooling yourself about what you ate. You know what you ate & I think being aware is better than not. I am not sure I would have had as much as you did BUT once again, you are the one that has been dealing with this & not me & for all I know, this was a great accomplishment for you! The awareness is even more crucial to me for you.

    I no longer avoid anything due to food. I plan ahead for what I will do & don’t eat thing that are not worth it to me like the dessert you threw away! YAHOO!

    I think you should do what you feel is best for you. As for family, maybe plan some non food functions so you don’t miss out on family.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i’ve never been into the butter, the doughiness of the guts are the bread make it moist enough for me =).
    thanks, jody, i know the awareness is really big, but i wish i could figure out how to not have that pavlovian reaction to desert. it’s a tangible, physical yearning and it sucks. it’s part of part of the diseasedisorder, but there must be some way to get rid of it!
    i do try my best to plan, but when i’m in the situation, my plans often get slightly altered. =)
    oh, do you mean there are family functions that don’t include food? do tell! =)

    [Reply]

    Jody - Fit at 52 Reply:

    OK, so this is a tough one! Being Jewish.. very hard! 😀
    .-= Jody – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Gardening Fun =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    lol! i know, every holiday and get together is centered around food. and you know that food = jewish love. =)

  6. Lisa
    07 March 2010, 1:19 pm

    Congrats. I think you did very well. I hate when I ask my husband to help…the he does…lol. Duh…I asked him to….(before I had the mountain of sugary bliss in front of me…).

    I love the bracelet idea. Very nice.
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Award & Munchie Monster results =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    lol! it’s a double-edged sword isn’t it? – if your husband helps then when you are in the middle of really wanting the food, it ticks you off that he is doing what you asked him to. afterwards though, it’s good that they do help, because in hindsight, we could have inhaled a lot more food if they weren’t helping.
    thanks though and i’m glad you like my goofy little bracelet. =)

    [Reply]

  7. Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit
    07 March 2010, 2:59 pm

    Even at my worst, I could pull it together when I was in public and be good. It was when I was all by my lonesome… that’s when I was in the most danger. I was safer in a crowd at a buffet than driving in my car down the street. To each his or her own, I guess…
    .-= Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit´s last blog ..Choose Your Own Weight Loss Adventure =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    wow, that is really impressive, jack! i’m seriously curious, how did you pull it together when we you were in public? i would love any bit of help i can get! how would you manage to not indulge in a buffet of desserts?

    thanks for stopping by!

    [Reply]

  8. Jess
    07 March 2010, 5:09 pm

    What would you do – skip events that you know are stressful and are conducive to bingeing, or go and just try to do your best?

    I do avoid gatherings whose only purpose is to eat. Community events where restaurants are showcased are a big issue, since I’m not quite ready, spiritually, to face them. At some point, especially when I have reached a place in my life where I can change my food plan with an eye toward maintaining a normal weight, I will go. And yes, there was an ice cream party at my volunteer job on Friday that I avoided, since ice cream really isn’t part of my food plan at this point and I don’t want to be tempted (or pressured) to take that first compulsive bite.

    I will go if I can avoid the pressure to eat. I will eat at a party with food–don’t get me wrong. But if I know I’m going to be handed something that is a potential trigger food or is outside of my food plan, I would rather not be in the uncomfortable situation of feeling deep guilt when others wonder why I won’t partake. I suppose it’s part of only being a few months in abstinence.

    Do you think I was too easy or hard on myself?

    Only you know, for sure, how you did. Eating how you described would have broken my abstinence because my food plan is calorie-restricted and the pastry would have put me over my discretionary calories for the day. I can’t make a judgment on someone else’s food plan because that would put my personality before OA’s principles.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for the feedback, jess. so i’m not crazy for considering avoiding putting myself at events that are food-driven. it’s tough though because any get together with friends/family often includes a buffet of food. though i haven’t binged in over two years, the sickness is still there and i always eat more than i would like to at these gatherings.

    [Reply]

  9. Jill
    07 March 2010, 6:42 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing your bracelet with us, I really wondered what it looked like. As for the buffet, I think you did wonderfully! I love all desserts (except cake) and I know that I would totally cave in if there were tons of cookies around especially. I’ve never tried challah bread before, but I love bread so I think it’d be worth trying. 🙂

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, jill. it was definitely challenging. with this disorder, once you start, it’s hard to stop. i’ve been lucky enough that i haven’t gone on a true binge in overtwo years, but sometimes it was because i was holding on to dear life by a thread, such as an instance like the one i wrote about. challah is delish, i bet you would love it.

    [Reply]

  10. amanda
    07 March 2010, 7:40 pm

    You did a great job at the place. I need to enlist my husband in helping. I am new to this whole area in my life with really admitting I have a problem and find the proper solutions.
    .-= amanda´s last blog ..Food Porn =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, amanda. it really is helpful to have a family member getting your back, even though in the heat of the moment you wish they weren’t helping you. =) it took me until i was almost 40 to realize that i had an eating disorder. i truly had no clue. i’m here if you need me.

    [Reply]

  11. emily
    07 March 2010, 10:35 pm

    I enjoy reading this page, I usually learn something new stuff.
    Emily R. from Husky Secrets

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, emily.

    [Reply]

  12. Victoria
    08 March 2010, 8:38 am

    You did well. I have missed out on many celebrations because I did not feel like I could handle the temptation. That is a mistake. It is so important to be at those celebrations not only for your family but for yourself. You are learning to control those impulses and the only reason you are learning is because you are putting yourself in that position-if you never tested yourself, how would you know how far you have come! Good luck, be strong but be kind to yourself also. I love your idea of the bracelet and i am using that idea-I hope you don’t mind!

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, victoria. i needed to hear your perspective. it would be so easy just to miss the celebrations, but that it is why it’s so confusing, because i know i shouldn’t isolate myself and miss them. still, it’s hard testing myself! =)
    i’m so glad you like the bracelet idea and of course don’t mind at all if you use it for yourself. good luck!

    [Reply]

    Lara Reply:

    I agree, avoiding food related situations is not healthy.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    you are right, lara, it’s not healthy, but it would sure make things easier =). i will learn more tools so i can deal better.

    [Reply]

  13. Bobbie @Anonymous Fat Girl
    08 March 2010, 8:47 am

    I do think you are being too hard on yourself – and it sounds like you did really well. 🙂 That being said, buffets are so tough for me, especially dessert buffets. I love sweets, they are my downfall. 🙁
    .-= Bobbie @Anonymous Fat Girl´s last blog ..Two words: HARD & WORK =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, bobbie. it’s hard to tell when you are being too hard on yourself when it comes to this kind of thing. the sweets have been my downfall my whole life. 🙁

    [Reply]

  14. Holly
    08 March 2010, 9:12 am

    I think you did VERY well!!

    Sweets are definitely my down fall. Sure, I love pizza and cheese/crackers, but I can avoid salty foods no problem. Desserts? WHOLE other story!

    I am the same as you in that I am tempted to (and sometimes do) avoid situations in which I know might trigger a binge for me. Thankfully there are not too many, although with the weather getting nicer I know it will mean more cookouts/parties. I know I do have to learn to cope with these situations, though, since they will always happen! I guess practice makes perfect, but it does create anxiety in me when I know I have to face them.
    .-= Holly´s last blog ..Rock Climbing =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, holly. i hate that it is such a damn struggle though. my husband is a social butterfly, so even if i didn’t want to go to something, he would want our family to go. sometimes i go later to something like an all-day bbq because i know there will not be healthy choices for me there and i’d rather stay in the comfort zone of my own home. as you said, we do need to learn to cope with these situations, but it is just so anxiety-ridden!

    [Reply]

  15. Mary Kate
    08 March 2010, 10:13 am

    i didn’t get to read through everyone’s comments so sorry if it is a repeat. You can’t hide from the world or buffets. That would do us more harm and (to me) teach our children to be fearful of food. You did better than last time and each time will get better. Did you journal your feelings before the event? After? And what if you allowed yourself more bread or that chocolate chip cake? You would not blow up like a balloon. Maybe a stomach ache? It seems we make it a binge by how we view the situation. Everyone overeats….we just beat ourself up over it and analyze it to death! at least I do!

    count this as a success and work on your next event!
    .-= Mary Kate´s last blog ..Photo Shoot…. =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for the great viewpoint, mary kate. i know i can’t hide from buffets, but it is so tempting to play it safe. i journalled via my blog and by talking to my husband about it. and you are right, it would not be the end of the world if i had more bread or cake, but i’m just hell-bent on remaining binge-free. i’m also afraid that going really overboard will start the binge-train rolling again and i do not want that to happen. i hated the crazy feeling that took over me when i was there.
    and you are right, everyone overeats, but the difference is that eating disordered people do beat ourselves up about it and analyze it do death. (clearly i do that as well – just look at my blog!!! lol!!!)

    [Reply]

Leave a Reply:

Name *

Mail (hidden) *

Website

CommentLuv badge