Checking In

I have been enjoying my break for the past week. I am enjoying time with myself and my family as I try to sort through some things, but I definitely wanted to check in with you.

Saturday will make seven weeks of no weighing/measuring of food or counting calories, though I do admit to still doing some tallying in my head once in a while. Long-standing habits are hard to break! For what it’s worth, I used to write down all the counts and use a calculator to tally. But now since I stopped officially counting, if I feel the urge to get an idea of how much I’ve eaten, I have to figure out everything in my head, which is quite a daunting task for my pea brain!

I had a pretty big test over the weekend. We had a dessert event Friday night, a dinner and dessert event Saturday night (where we ate dinner at about 9:00 pm, VERY late for me) and then a luncheon on Sunday for Mother’s Day. (Happy belated mother’s day to all the moms!)

All three times I did not frame any foods as forbidden, and I allowed myself to taste things to see if they were worth it. Some things were, some things weren’t. If they tasted good, I enjoyed them, but without bingeing.

After the third day in a row, because my body was probably in a bit of shock after eating treats that it hasn’t had much of since I’ve been binge-free, along with eating dinner very late one of those nights, I didn’t feel too good both physically and mentally.

Physically, my stomach was feeling full throughout a good portion of those three days, something I’m really not used to anymore. (On a side note, I have been pms’ing for a week on this estrogen supplement, so I’m sure there was some bloating going on. TMI?). Mentally, I didn’t like the feeling of being full.

Actually, both those things worried me a bit. Though I did not binge, there were some bad/disordered behaviors going on in my head. Basically, overeating a little bit at these three events, three days in a row, made me a little nervous in that – would I go back to being a “normal” eater, someone who can overindulge a little bit at a special event, but then go right back to normal eating the next meal or the next day? As a compulsive overeater for decades, it would be SO easy to slip back into my old disordered ways. So would I slide right back into that sickness or would I be able to keep my act together, be the recovering/recovered person that I have worked so hard at being, and bounce right back?

The answer is… I was able to get back to being a recovering person, although on Monday I was still a little bit pick-y with some leftovers.

On top of the 3-event weekend, I also discovered that the 12-pack of caffeine free soda which I drank seven cans of during the course of the week, was not diet soda, as I usually drink. So there was an extra 1050 calories right there. Ugh! To add insult to injury, I dropped a can on the floor and it exploded onto just about every wall, pantry door, table and chair within a 5′ radius in my kitchen. Talk about a sticky mess!

I’m due to get on the scale for the first time in a month on Tuesday. Though my clothes still feel pretty much the same, my jeans slightly less loose, I will touch base on the scale just to see what’s what.

Another good recovery step for me – I had my annual physical with my primary care physician yesterday. Though I’ve only known I’ve had an eating disorder since December of 2007, I came clean to my doctor about it. Add him to the short list of people who know.

On another note… There were two great eating disorder-related shows on yesterday, if you didn’t see them, try to check them out on line.

First, on Oprah, she interviewed author Geneen Roth about her latest book called “Women, Food and God”. Here’s the link to the show on Oprah’s website. (I have previously posted about Roth’s awesome book “Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating” here, here and here.) I think I’m going to be picking up this new book. Oprah rattled off a quick list of guidelines at the end of the show and one of them was something to the effect of – to eat in full view of others, which struck a chord with me.

Then on Dr. Phil, he did an “in your face” with a girl who has been suffering from anorexia and bulimia for the past nine years, and her family. It was pretty disturbing. Here’s a link to the show on Dr. Phil’s website.

Lastly, I’m going to remain on “blog break” to enjoy being more present and until I figure some more things out, but I will check in again soon. I apologize for not reading your blogs and keeping up. I hope you are all doing well!

I’ll be back, so please bear with me. If you have any questions or want to contact me, please feel free! love2eatinpa@gmail.com.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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Comments

31 Responses, Leave a Reply
  1. Karen @ Waisting Time
    13 May 2010, 8:11 pm

    Hey you! What a nice surprise in my reader:) Sounds like ups and downs but the ups won!
    .-= Karen @ Waisting Time´s last blog ..Women, Food, Fate, and Oprah =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    yup, the ups have come out on top! whew!!! =)

    [Reply]

  2. […] Checking In | Confessions of a (Recovering) Compulsive Eater […]

  3. Rita @ The Giggly Bits
    13 May 2010, 9:42 pm

    Thanks for checking in and letting us share your success!
    .-= Rita @ The Giggly Bits´s last blog ..Flipper vs War of the Worlds =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for reading! =)

    [Reply]

  4. Lisa
    13 May 2010, 9:55 pm

    I’m so glad to hear you are doing well. Intuitive eating is so hard…I’m so proud of your accomplishment. I watched the Dr. Phil and Oprah show that day too. It is comforting for me to see that other people “think” like me…even if most people don’t say it in the “real” world. Also…nice to see there is hope to overcome.

    Enjoy your blogging break 🙂
    .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Moderation….oh how easy…or hard?? =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, lisa! i know exactly what you are saying about the comfort in knowing you are not alone. when i first realized i had an eating disorder, it was quite shocking to me how many others had it. on the fllip side, it did bring me comfort to know i was not the only one.

    [Reply]

  5. amanda
    13 May 2010, 9:58 pm

    Wow what an amazing accomplishment. I can only dream of making it there. I know that calorie counting really helps me with my binging. By the way, I wanted to know what book you would recommend that has helped you the most with your recovery.
    .-= amanda´s last blog ..Eating my way around a city =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, amanda! if i can make it there, anyone can!!

    i will get back to you about the book(s), i want to give it some good thought.

    [Reply]

  6. Kyle
    13 May 2010, 10:25 pm

    Total coincidence…I had nearly the same situation as you…4 days of restaurant eating while we visited with inlaws. 2 days were okay, but the last 2 just kind of took over. Now home, I’m back on track. Sure, I know that my food addictions are there, will always be there…but in no way do I feel that my bad choices made in those days were a sign of things to come.

    I guess if you lock an alcoholic up in a bar for long enough, there will be a problem. Why should I really be any different or hard on myself.

    Sounds like you did just great…honestly.
    .-= Kyle´s last blog ..Eating Cleanly versus Eating Clearly.. =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, but wow, kyle, good for you! that is huge! and you didn’t even seem to stress about it. great attitude, impressive!

    [Reply]

  7. Miz
    14 May 2010, 6:25 am

    cant wait to hear what you think about women food and G-d.
    as always Im REALLY OPINIONATED about it 🙂
    .-= Miz´s last blog ..Thinking outside ourselves. =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i’m going to order it over the weekend and i’m sure i’ll post about it once i’m done reading it. of course, now you got me super curious as to what you thought of it!!!!

    thanks for stopping by, miz!

    [Reply]

  8. MB
    14 May 2010, 7:56 am

    Glad you took a break from your break to check in. Sorry about the soda explosion – what a mess that must have been to clean. Looking forward to seeing you back again soon. Have a great weekend and enjoy your blog break.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks, mb! it’s amazing how 12 ounces of soda can find it’s way into every nook and crannie of the kitchen! hope you have a great weekend too!

    [Reply]

  9. Julie - Big Girl Bombshell
    14 May 2010, 9:17 am

    Nice to see you popping in…. You are missed…Just continue doing what you need to do for you!
    .-= Julie – Big Girl Bombshell´s last blog ..What IF you believed in YOU? =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    julie, you are a sweetheart, thank you!

    [Reply]

  10. Holly
    15 May 2010, 7:11 pm

    I can definitely see how those “tests” would cause anxiety – but you pulled through it with flying colors! Sometimes the “what ifs” create just as much anxiety in me as the event or situation itself. Like, “Okay, I did okay tonight, but what if I snap and then binge tomorrow?” I guess it’s all part of trusting ourselves, right?

    Enjoy your blogging break! 🙂 And thank you so much for those links – I’m off to check them out right now.
    .-= Holly´s last blog ..What’s the Dill? =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    it’s funny, the anxiety wasn’t during the event, it was just how it all felt after the three days. but yup, i definitely had anxiety afterwards about whether or not the indulging would continue. i didn’t want to become a runaway train. and yes, i took the leap and trusted myself and i proved that i could be ‘normal’ – i could indulge at some special occasions but then get back to my normal healthy eating. i’m so grateful to have this new trust in myself.

    [Reply]

  11. Sagan
    17 May 2010, 8:34 am

    Fantastic that you were able to get back into recovery mode! It’s challenging when those little “snags” crop up.

    The past couple days I’ve just been keeping track in my head, too (rather than writing food and calculations down). It’s frightening, but liberating.
    .-= Sagan´s last blog ..Operation Lose Five Pounds: Painless Tips =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks! it was a kinda scary as it would have been SO easy and almost natural to go right back into that eating mode. thank goodness after over two years of NOT eating that way, that it wasn’t as natural. whew! that just gives me confidence for the future.

    good for you for not writing it down! it is a bit scary at first, but it is liberating and empowering. way to go!!!

    [Reply]

  12. julie
    17 May 2010, 2:27 pm

    I struggle with some of these things, too, especially heavy late meals, feeling stuffed, things that aren’t so familiar anymore or are still associated with weight gain in my mind. I accept that I like occasional big meals, and I don’t like to eat again until I’m hungry. Yes, this means sometimes I skip breakfast, or eat very little for much of a day, but I think “normal” eaters do this. People who have never had weight problems and don’t dwell on food 24/7 don’t force themselves to eat if they don’t feel like it, and neither will I. I think this will take a lot of pressure off me and my not even close to perfect eating habits.
    .-= julie´s last blog ..My Toxic Mind =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    thanks for letting me know that what i’m feeling is common and normal, julie. i love your point – normal people don’t force themselves to eat if they don’t feel it. that is what we really need to wrap our brains around and it sounds like you already are!!

    [Reply]

  13. POD
    18 May 2010, 5:14 pm

    I got the book. It’s very good. Helpful. Hope you’re having a wonderful time.
    .-= POD´s last blog ..Brown-Nosing =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    that’s great, janell! you just never know what is going to resonate with you.

    [Reply]

  14. JOdy - Fit at 52
    18 May 2010, 6:00 pm

    I love that idea of blog break.. I really am thinking about it but nothing yet! 🙂

    Hey, it is all about accountability & awareness which you have both! Back ot it as they say!! 😉
    .-= JOdy – Fit at 52´s last blog ..Weight Loss/Fitness/Workout Help! Happy Bday Linda! =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i have to admit, the blog break has been very good for me. i recommend it!

    [Reply]

  15. Christine
    27 May 2010, 4:39 pm

    Hi There! I just found your blog (via another blog). I’m also a longtime COE/BED sufferer. I’m anxious to know how you are doing at combatting it! I’m bookmarking your site and coming back…I hope you don’t stay away for too long! (If you get a chance, perhaps you could check out my blog if you get a moment!) Cheers!

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    welcome, christine! sorry about the timing =(
    i will check out your blog when i get a moment.

    [Reply]

  16. Steve
    28 May 2010, 4:43 pm

    I got the book. It’s very good. Helpful. Hope you’re having a wonderful time.
    .-= POD´s last blog ..Brown-Nosing =-.

    [Reply]

    love2eatinpa Reply:

    i’m enjoying it too!

    [Reply]

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