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Hi and Welcome!

I am a 42-yr old recovering compulsive overeater. I have been binge-free for 2-1/2 years. This blog is about my recovery from this eating disorder and what I do to maintain my weight loss. It is great therapy for me to write this and I hope it can be helpful for you as well.

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Thanks Rita!

Thanks Brandi!

Thanks FMDOC!

Thanks Karen!

Thanks “Online Counseling Degrees!”

Guest Bloggin’ at Truth2BeingFit

love2eatinpa, 10 August 2011, 8 comments
Categories: Guest Bloggin', recovery, Triathlon training


I know it’s been a while, but…

I was lucky enough to be asked to write a guest post on Truth2BeingFit, Jody’s awesome health and fitness blog. At 53, Jody is in amazing shape. I should be so lucky to be as fit as her in 10 years.

If you want to check it out, here is a link to the guest post on Truth2BeingFit at www.Truth2BeingFit.com.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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Blog Announcement


While away, relaxing and unplugged on vacation, I gave a lot of thought to this blog. Next month will be my one year anniversary. What an amazing year it has been. The first half of the blog year was filled with my daily struggles with my compulsive overeating.

The second half of the blog year, through therapy, some great books and the blog world, in mid March the stars aligned for me. I found the faith and trust in myself and my body to feel confident enough to let go of my white-knuckle control/obsession with food. I resolved in my head the reasons I became a binger/compulsive overeater when I was a child. I took the leap from calorie counting, eating at certain times because of what the clock said, weighing/measuring food portions and getting on the scale at least once a day to just releasing all of those behaviors. I was ready to be freed from the chains that I let hold me all those years. I am now free and empowered.

Food no longer controls me or runs my life. It has no power over me. I will not let food have the control. I no longer eat because of the things that happened decades ago in my childhood. I no longer eat for emotional reasons. I enjoy the foods I want, when I want them, in moderation. I am not doing perfect Intuitive Eating, but I am intuitively eating in a way that is right for me.

When I find a passion in my life, I throw myself into it completely. This blog started off that way. I desperately needed an outlet to write about my issues with food. It was so easy to write every day, I had so much to work through, say and share. It was amazing therapy. You all were instrumental in that.

But as you know, I have been blogging less and the content has been less about my issues with food. I love the blog world, the community, and all it has given to me. I feel like I have taken so much from all of you – your kindness, support and inspiration. I can only hope that I somehow gave a fraction of that back to you.

By cutting back like I did a few months ago, I was trying to blog “half way” and that just doesn’t fit with my personality of going all out. I wanted to be part of the community, yet still have time to pursue other passions in my life. I have confirmed over these few months that there is no half way for me when it comes to blogging. I hated missing out on what everyone was saying, yet I was stressing myself out trying to find the time to write/read/comment. I just couldn’t find the balance that you all have seemed to have found.

I completely admire those of you who have came through the trenches with your eating disorders and still have fresh, creative ideas to keep on blogging. I truly marvel at how you do that. I am simply not that clever.

With that being said, I’m going to take a true break from this blog and the blog world.

With school starting up this week, I need to devote more time to my kids. I need to try to remain less stressed. I need to continue with my new found passion of triathlons, as well as having time to give myself an opportunity to write a book of my memoirs, my journey through this eating disorder. I want to somehow pay forward the things I have learned throughout these past few years about overcoming this sickness I’ve had for over 30 years called compulsive overeating. I feel good recognizing that these are my needs and that I’m trying to take care of them and myself.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your unending support and constant inspiration. I don’t think I’d be recovered today without all of you.

So with that, I bid you a very fond farewell. Or perhaps I should say – until another time…

PLEASE do not hesitate to contact me if you want to ‘chat’ or if for some reason you want me to guest post. I definitely want to stay in touch, as I have become ‘close’ to many of you and truly consider you my friends. If any newcomers read this, please feel free to contact me as well, I’m happy to help if I can.

I’m sure I will still lurk around here and there as I slowly pull away from this amazing blog world.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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Vacation, 32 Months Binge-Free and a Great Book


I hope everyone had a great labor day weekend!

Vacation was great. We had beautiful, sunny, beach weather, the kids had a blast looking for shells and going in the ocean (when the lifeguards said it wasn’t too rough) and it was relaxing.

I was truly unplugged, not tied to my laptop and it was really nice. I trained for this Saturday’s triathlon six days out of the eight we were away. There was a local gym I went to and used their pool, I ran on the boardwalk and biked on bicycle/family friendly streets, all according to my training schedule. So I’m still in a groove to do this triathlon this weekend and a second one the following weekend. Then I think that will be it for me as far as races go until the season starts up again late spring of 2011. Hopefully I will be a stronger, more confident swimmer by then =).

In addition, every night I enjoyed all the delicious treats that the Jersey shore has to offer. I ate in moderation, enjoyed it and didn’t give any of it a second thought.

As I mentioned prior to leaving, for the first vacation in memory, I did not bring down my calorie book to jot down every morsel I ate. Did I do some calculations in my head once in a while just to touch base to see where I was at, yes, but it was not nearly the obsession that it used to be. So freeing and empowering just to eat with no strings attached.

In fact, while we were away, I hit the 32-month mark of being binge-free! I added another bead to my bracelet. Actually, the bracelet broke a few weeks ago. I fixed it, but I have not been wearing it anymore. It is on the bulletin board at my desk, so I still see it every day. I took the breaking as a signal that I didn’t need to wear it on my wrist everyday anymore. I still look forward to hitting the 3-yr mark on January 1 and ordering my 3-year abstinence coin from OA.

Last, but certainly not least, I wanted to put out the word about a great book I’m in the middle of reading, called “Fat Boy, Thin Man” by Michael Prager. The author writes in great honesty and detail about how he overcame obesity, alcoholism and drugs. He writes about his addictions (among them gaining and losing 100 pounds over and over again) and poignantly tells how he has overcome them all to lead a healthy, productive life. I always find this type of book compelling. There is nothing like reading how someone struggled through the trenches of an addiction and made their way out. There is always something you can relate to and be inspired by. You can check his website out HERE.

Back to trying to catch up on a week’s worth of laundry, phone calls, etc….

Within the next day or so, tune in, as I will be making an announcement.

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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Award, Vacation & Triathlons, Oh My!


First order of business, thank you to Karen, at Waisting Time for honoring me with a blog award!

Gotta love there only being two rules:

1. Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience in 5 words: I’m going to cheat and just use the blog ‘experience’, as it’s been for me aspect: helpful, encouraging, supportive, amazing and grateful.

2. Pass it on to 10 other amazing blogs:…

In no particular order….

Anonymous Fat Girl
Eating Journey
Honor My Health
Weightless
Healthy Girl
Tippy Toe Diet
Truth 2 Being Fit
Waisting Time
Big Girl Bombshell
Fit to the Finish
Living in the Real World
The Giggly Bits
Poise in Parma
The Balance Broad
Tales of a Disordered Eater
We are the Real Deal
Yum Yucky
Health for the Whole Self
A Weight Lifted
Thinspired
Ramblings of My Compulsions
Fitness, A Journey Not a Destination
Food, Drug of My Choice
Getting Better and Better
Weight-Off Musings
No More Diet Drama
Phoenix Revolution
Thufferin Succotash
Why the Weight
110 Pounds and Counting

Ok, I went a little overboard here. Don’t feel you have to pass it on ladies and gentleman, just letting you know that I enjoy reading your blog and I’m sure others will too. If I left anyone off, please forgive me!

Second issue – we will be going away on our annual family vacation at the Jersey shore from this weekend to next. I intend to, gulp, unplug myself during that time, so my apologies in advance for not keeping up on blogs and comments. I’ve been terrible keeping up these last few weeks already =( just because we have a lot of stuff going on. All good, just a lot. I feel badly when I don’t keep up with you guys, you are my inspiration and support, but I really think it would be good for me to take a break while we are away. Where do you go for blogworld withdrawal? Is there group therapy for that? =)

I will not be bringing my calorie book as I have done in all the years past that we’ve taken this trip. I will keep on listening to my body and take care of it. There are some really great treats at the shore and I will certainly enjoy them if I really want them, in moderation, no guilt. None of them are forbidden. They do not scare me as they have in years past. I am much more powerful than some silly treat.

Lastly, I have signed up for not one, but two sprint triathlons next month. Yes, the tri bug has truly bitten me. My husband has been incredibly supportive of this and I so appreciate it. (Once again, you are the best, baby!) I will need to train almost every day during our vacation, but I intend to get the workouts done in the mornings before we really get our day started.

I love the goal setting and the training that is required to do a triathlon. I love the cross training that training for three sports provides, how it benefits my body. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to improving my times as well. =)

Hope you all have an amazing next week! Once I get back, tackle the Mt. Everest of laundry from our vacay, and get my kids off to the first day of school, I will check back in with everyone. Until then – cheers!!!

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Compulsive Overeater to Triathlete


I have been blogging for about 10 months now and for some reason it hasn’t occurred to me until recently that I have never posted any “before” and “after” photos of myself.

So here they are…

This first pix is probably me at close to my heaviest. Notice the big sweater which I thought hid everything…

And here is me when I lost about 10 lbs since the first photo…

(my gawd, I had no idea those popular cable sweaters were so see-through! how embarrassing!)

The sad faces are there because I was unhappy with myself. I was bingeing like crazy, and did not love myself or nurture myself. I turned to food with complete abandon when I was happy, sad, bored, fill in the emotion. For me, eating enormous amounts of food was the answer to everything. I felt badly about myself, but felt helpless to do anything about it.

With many diets, yo-yo’s up and down on the scale, then two pregnancies …I’m more than 60 pounds less than the first photo and have been holding at that weight for just under two years.

Here I am on the beach the afternoon of my triathlon. My husband and I were goofing around with the body marking that the triathlon people put on everyone’s arms for identification.

Jody encouraged me to post this pic on my blog, though I told her it made me feel a little uncomfortable. She said “If I were you, I would post that pic! This is just showing people how far you have come & it is possible to overcome & then look great with muscles too… strong & fit!”

Thanks for encouraging me, Jody! I still feel a little funny, but the message is – If I can do this, anyone can. It took me until almost age 40 to realize that my obsession with food/eating was in fact an eating disorder. Through therapy, OA, reading some great books and of course the awesome blog world, I am now pretty much recovered.

The next triathlon is in less than month =)

One Day at a Time... Nurture myself... Awareness... Letting Go... Listen to my Body

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Triathlon, Part 3 – the Run + Final Thoughts


So here is the last part and wrap-up of the completion of my first triathlon. In case you missed it, you can read about the swim HERE and the bike HERE.

The run ended up to be my strongest portion of the triathlon. After slogging through the bay and biking hard for 12.5 miles, I was concerned my legs would not be up to the task, but I guess from running for almost 14 years, the muscle memory kicked in and I had a really great run.

In fact, I have to say, that all I’ve read over the years about how cross training improves your running, is absolutely true.

Because I felt like I was one of the last people to finish (and yes, I know, that is not a terrible thing for my first race) and I am competitive, I knew I really had to try to dig deep and run hard.

Usually my legs are pretty wobbly after biking, but I guess the running gods were with me, adrenaline overtook the wobbles, and I was able to get a good cadence down pretty quickly. Soon it became my goal to pick off the runners ahead of me. I ended up passing 23 people! It was a great motivator and added some fun to the run.

Here is a pic of me right before the finish line high five-ing my kids. (See the family resemblance? lol!!! We are all very happy the race is just about over.)

Though I finished 200th out of 259, turns out the for the run portion, if that had been a separate race on it’s own, I finished 96th out of 259. I did the two miles in 17:12 (an 8:36 pace), which is pretty darn fast for me, especially after the swim/slog and bike. So that made me feel good.

After all races, there is always refreshments. There were tons of fresh bagels. I love me a fresh, doughy bagel, but rarely have them because they are too carb-y and a lot of calories, so it is a real treat on the rare occasions when I do eat one. It is not a trigger food, just something I pass on. Well, let me tell you, I had myself a cinnamon-raisin bagel with some cream cheese and it was the best bagel I ever had! I so enjoyed it.

Overall, it was a great first experience. The swim not being a true swim was both good and bad. As a negative – it did not allow me to really see how I would do, but on the other hand, being the swim is my weakest link, it was kinda nice not to swim the whole time.

I have to admit, as I had been warned, I have been bitten by the tri bug. I am going to sign up to do another one that is in mid September. I want to really be able to do the full swim and just experience the whole event again. I love having a goal and I love the training.

Other notes:

This was the first getaway/vacation I ever went on where I did not bring my calorie book and little notebook to keep track of every morsel I ate. That was freeing and empowering!

On Sunday night, the evening of race day, I started to get cramps and woke up with them on Monday morning and found that Aunt Flow had come to visit. Bless the T.O.M. gods for waiting 24 hours to send her over! (TMI?)

Have a great weekend everybody!

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Triathlon, Part 2, the Bike

love2eatinpa, 19 August 2010, 14 comments
Categories: recovery, Triathlon training
Tags: ,


Continuing from yesterday’s post about the swim here

The chip timing piece that all participants wear around their ankles are pretty amazing. Not only does it give you a readout (later when you look on the tri’s website) of how long it took to do each portion of the race, it tells you what place you were in for that portion, among other things. So I was the 217th person of 259 after the swim. It surprised me that I actually was faster than 42 people!

So after slogging through the water, which was tough on my legs, I was pretty concerned that I would be in big trouble for the biking and running portions.

My bike is, there is no way to say this nicely, is a piece of crap. My husband teased me weeks before the race that my bike was going to look like a Fisher Price bike compared to all the other competitors’. It’s from Target and I bought it a few years ago so I could ride bikes with my kids. Certainly didn’t need anything fancy for that. But for riding in a triathlon, um, not the best piece of equipment.

I felt like I rode hard. My quads were burning, but I said to myself – go big or go home, so I really tried to keep up a brisk, steady pace. But the bike is heavy and the handlebars are not conducive to bending over to make yourself aerodynamic, so I’m sure putting in the same effort on a decent road bike would have made a difference,but that’s neither here nor there at this point.

The ride was an out and back. On my way back, I could see there weren’t many people behind me, which was a little deflating, but I was determined to keep pedaling hard. True enough, as I learned later based upon my chip time, I was 228th of 259. Lovely.

Here is a pic of me coming back into the transition area with my Fisher Price bike. I then had to put my bike in my designated spot on the rack, take off my helmet and start the last portion of the race – the run. I was determined to run hard and finish the best that I could.

I will finish up with the run and my overall thoughts tomorrow or Saturday. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

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I Completed My First Triathlon! – Part 1, The Swim

love2eatinpa, 17 August 2010, 27 comments
Categories: Triathlon training
Tags:


Thanks everyone for their input on my silly coffee dilemma! It was just one of those moments that as I was writing the post in all my crazy nervous frenzy, I just couldn’t figure out what to do. (And yes, I did end up bringing/making the same instant coffee I drink at home. I was going to try the Starbucks VIA as some of you suggested, but thought it would be best to stick with what my body was already used to.)

Anywho…. As you probably know, we built a long weekend around the race, at the Jersey shore. On Saturday we drove by the race sight on the way to the hotel when we first arrived in the area. My husband wanted to check out the parking situation and to give me an idea of where I would be swimming and just in general get the lay of the land. This is one of the many reasons I married this man!

I had reserved two rooms for the four of us at what turned out to be a glorified boarding house. Note to self – write truthful bad write-up on tripadvisor.com saying that this place sucked does not live up to it’s description. Suffice to say, though we basically just used the two small bedrooms connected by a tiny bathroom for sleeping and showering, we are hoping that we did not bring home any bedbugs. Enuf said.

I made sure I was at least horizontal by 9:00 pm the night before. We ended up deciding the best way for me to at least have a shot at sleeping was for me to sleep in the room with the queen bed, and for my over- 6′-tall husband, 10-yr old and 8-yr old sleep in the room with the two double beds. That way it would be most quiet for me and I wouldn’t wake anyone when I got up super early to make my coffee and do my final prep before the race. Thanks again, babe, for taking one for the team that night!

Sunday morning…. alarm set for 4:50 am. I didn’t sleep great, but not terrible either. I boiled water in my room’s microwave (had to unplug the air conditioner in order to do this) and had my coffee, which did not taste like it does at home, but oh well. It did help wake me up and get the job done of, ahem, cleaning out my system.

So on to the race…

I was definitely nervous. On Friday, I had worked on a tweaked swim technique of exhaling underwater out of my mouth, instead of just exhaling out of my nose as I was doing all through my training. I came to learn (thanks, Rita!) that one of the reasons I was gasping for air and having to stop during my training swims is that I wasn’t getting out all the carbon dioxide I was inhaling through my mouth. So I was excited/anxious to try this new technique, that I had only practiced once but found success with, in the race .

I was in the last wave of the swim (ladies age 40+ were last) and I was truly the last person into the bay. My plan was to let everyone go ahead so I could have some open water to swim in.

Well, turns out that it was low tide, so the bay was very shallow. So shallow that even me, at 5’3″ could WALK the entire way in waist-high water. So because a lot of people opted to do that, sort of clogging things up, it was quite hard to swim. So I only swam about 40% of the swim portion and walked about 60%. I had a dilemma – it was gross slogging through the water having no idea where I was putting each foot or knowing how far it was going to sink into the sand, and it was quite a workout on my thighs, which concerned me for the bike and run ahead; but if I swam around the pack, I would not be taking the shortest distance from point A to point B.

Here’s a pic of me coming out of the bay and miraculously, though I cropped them out, there were other participants behind me even though I was the last one in! (See how happy I look to be almost out of that bay! =) )

So I like to refer this as my first (and hopefully last) quadathlon, as it was a swim/bay walk – bike – run.

On the bright side, the distance didn’t seem quite so daunting, and my time of 8 mins, 32 seconds was much better than the 12-15 minutes I anticipated.

Part 2, the bike ride, to come on Wednesday or Thursday (I’m still playing catch-up from being away)…

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3 Days ‘Til the Triathlon!

love2eatinpa, 12 August 2010, 20 comments
Categories: Triathlon training
Tags:


Holy crap! How did all this time fly by and it’s really almost the big day!?!?!

I have followed my 12-week training plan to the letter except for one itty bitty thing – the plan recommended always doing some drills at the beginning of each swim. Being an utter novice stupid and ignorant, and not knowing what drills really were, I thought it was more important for me to do the quantity of laps of the drills, as opposed to the drills themselves.

At some point during week 9, I read something about how important drills were and that swimming lap after lap was not going to help a whole lot. CRAP!!!! So I immediately got my hands on some drill devices in hopes that – better late than never.

But um, the swim is still pretty challenging, but now it is more of a breathing issue which I was scrambling around in the last day or two in search of the ‘magic tweak’ for at the 11th hour. I think I’ve got my answer and will try it out in the pool during my last training swim tomorrow (Friday) morning . I hope it works! If not, I will be fine too, it will just be a bit more of a struggle.

Through my training I learned which socks NOT to wear for the race (the ones that slid down during a recent run leaving a big ol’ blister on the back of my ankle). I’ve worn all the garments I’m going to wear for the race and ingested all the drinks and energy gels, so nothing will be new to my body that day.

But I do have one dilemma, that I hope that you, my uber-smart blogger friends, can help me with… Every morning, at home, I have one cup of caffinated coffee. I do this to help wake up and to um, shall I say get my ‘system’ moving. So of course I will have my cup of coffee on race morning as that is what my body is used to. Here is the dilemma – we will be staying in a hotel the night before the race, as the race is 90 minutes from our home and it’s already bad enough I need to be there @ 6:30 am for the 7:30 am start.

The hotel does not have a coffee maker in the room, nor do they have any in the lobby until 9:00 am (It’s a mom & pop hotel, what can I tell you!). They do, however, have a microwave in the room.. There is also, as I found out, a Wa-Wa about 2-1/2 blocks away.

So… do i bring my own coffee, etc, heat up a mug of water in the microwave (and possibly wake up my poor family who is trying to sleep) and have it? Do I get up even earlier (gag!) and walk to the Wa-Wa for coffee.

Please, dear readers, I need the awesome advice you always seem to have on how to deal with this little coffee problem! Thank you in advance!

So I will be ‘unplugged’ for a few days, starting Saturday, as we are making a long weekend out of this race as a little getaway, so I apologize in advance for not being able to read or comment on anything. However, you can be sure that I will tell you bore you with the details of the race within a day or two of getting back home.

Wish me luck!!!

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Great Book + One of 50 Best Food Addiction Blog Awards

love2eatinpa, 10 August 2010, 18 comments
Categories: Helpful Books
Tags: , ,


I just got done reading a great book called “A Baby Boomer’s Guide to Chronic Pain, The Ultimate Resource for Practical, Effective Advice on How to Live a Full and Active Life While Managing Chronic Pain” by Dr. Michael J. Kaye.

A friend brought this book to my attention because I have been suffering from low back issues off and on for many years. While I’m a bit too young to be a baby boomer, I have had a touch of scoliosis since I was a kid, was in a bad car accident in late ’94, which resulted in some slight herniations and bulging discs, and had two pregnancies which resulted 8 lb lbs+ kids both times (and I’m only 5’3″ and had an enormous baby belly) which together = sore lower back for me at times.

Since the car accident, I have always had some pain/discomfort when I walk for a while or stand around too long. I was in another car accident about a year ago, this was not nearly as bad thank goodness, so of course my back pain flared up.

I know a lot of us out there have issues with pain from either a car accident, carrying extra weight around, through working out, or just good ol’ life. I found this to be a great book for dealing with the pain in a down to earth fashion.

The book wasn’t about treatments for specific ailments, but rather advice on better ways to deal with and manage the pain. For instance, some things I learned were instead of just having the person you see for the pain be the only physician in your life who knows about your pain issues, make sure all your doctors are aware so that they can work together as a team in treating you. Makes perfect sense!

One thing I learned a while ago, and was reinforced in the book, was if you have back pain issues to lift heavier objects up (if you have to lift them!) using your legs, rather than bending over at the waist to lift up an object off the ground.

Another thing that seems so silly but could be so helpful, is to brush your teeth, or for any men out there, to shave, while in the shower, instead of bending over your sink and brushing (or shaving).

For more info check out… A Boomer’s Guide To Chronic Pain.

On another note, I was lucky enough to be chosen last week to be on a list of  “50 Best Blogs for Beating Food Addiction”

It’s the first one under the heading “personal testimonials.”  I feel honored to have been chosen for this list and am in some very good blog company.  I encourage you to check it out to find some great blogs.

Here’s the link – 50 Best Blogs for Beating Food Addiction.

Disclaimer – I was not compensated for reading and telling you about Dr. Kaye’s book.

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